I had the chance to revisit my 19 year old mind this week with a reconnection that happened because of this crazy social media world. I have journals, but the chance to look back on a letter I wrote to someone else about life in that season, my sophomore year of college, was even more special. Hard to believe that I have two kids now that are living that life and older than me at the time I wrote those words. As a writer, a chance to look back on what I wrote is one of the greatest gifts you could give me. In fact, it’s the reason I started my blog… so that I could give myself and my kids that experience in the future, see the road we all traveled from my view, and hopefully learn some things along the way. The writing skills at 19 weren’t what jumped out at me though, it was the the story, it’s always the story. And my greatest realization as I read the screen shot of that letter on my Iphone, was how simple life was back then. The pace, the innocent things that caused the right amount of stress, like a final project deadline, the memory of keeping one room organized and going to bed with all of the laundry done and things in their place. The art of the letter…write, seal, stamp, send off with the hope that it will be received, and then wait to see if someone would take the time to write you back is all history now, but talk about delayed gratification in the best way.
There have been more stories in the mental health space this week, we’ve lost yet another NCAA athlete to suicide, I didn’t know her, but saying her name out loud, Sarah Shultze, brings chills to my skin. She is the third athlete in a little over a month to take her own life. I’ve never been to that dark place in my mind, but it’s scary and heartbreaking every time I try to contemplate it. As someone who has battled anxiety and a dysregulated nervous system most of my life without the words or realization of what was going on inside me, I can connect intimately to the story of human struggle. My lens is that of a mom, coach, athlete, and writer who wants to create calm and connection through these stories from the highs and lows of life. The through line this week was a glimpse of life circa 1994 and the reality of what I live today with my own kids at that same stage. There are so many differences in how we live from then to now, but the things that ground us stay the same. These are some thoughts that bring more peace to my mind:
In the course of a little over a week we've gone from Division I Volleyball highs and lows, IEP meetings with the most brilliant team at Hermosa Valley School who care so deeply it brings tears to my eyes, incredible connections and stories on ‘What I Meant to Say’, and watching my kids surrender to what is and enjoy their lives. Even with my body still compromised from this ankle reconstruction, nothing brings me more joy. We are so much more than what any one moment brings, but the chance to look back this week was a gift that I am grateful for. Presence is key, but perspective is the gift that helps us see where we want to grow and BE BETTER. When we choose the right one, we have the energy to tell the story we are meant to tell. If you ever need help reframing that perspective, I’m here, reach out, the world is safer than it feels sometimes. Your life is meant to tell a beautiful story of joy and resilience, and there is always a supporting cast who helps make that happen. Trust it, believe in it, and surrender to the beauty that is this imperfect life because the only thing I can tell you for sure is that you are enough today, and whether it's a high or a low right now, it will to change.
With love and optimism,
Wendy
Throwback from 1994 that always makes me smile:)
***IF YOU NEED IMMEDIATE HELP CALL The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
Every athlete I know, including myself, has always wanted to BE BETTER. My mission and this concept can sound a little brash to some but it’s not meant to be harsh, or make anyone feel like they aren’t measuring up. The goal is to put the emphasis on BE (instead of do) so that we can find BETTER. And in these high stakes environments in sports, if we can find 1% BETTER and understand the intangibles of our character we can push the limits of our potential. And that is the story that the challenged and rising Stanford Men’s Volleyball team is telling right now.
What a difference a year makes. When the last ball dropped against Pepperdine at BYU last year, it was supposed to be over. This smart, young, and talented group of men who have played at the top of their sport and loved volleyball for most of their lives would have to find another place to play if they wanted to continue at the NCAA level. They had all played through the club volleyball ranks, and shown that they had the skill to play at the next level, but they almost lost the ability to execute this chemistry together when Stanford cut their program last year. Fast forward one year, and the family of coaches, alumni, parents, and fans who fought to save the program will surround them tonight as they play for an MPSF Conference Championship, one year to the day they were knocked out last year. The optimist in me always believed this was possible. They are here because they defied the odds and defeated the #1 ranked team in the country. Beyond their incredible technique, there were some intangibles that are the hallmark of great athletes that made the difference.
So what were they?
CONFIDENCE- in themselves, each other, and the alchemy that results from that belief. Even when they were down in the semis, their belief that they could win radiated all the way into the stands.
LEADERSHIP - Volleyball is about chemistry, trust, and leadership. It’s possible for everyone on the court, and even on the bench, to lead if they understand their talents and those of their teammates. It’s a game that can’t be won alone, and true leadership fits together like a puzzle where each contribution fits seamlessly into the others.
GRIT - There was a feeling that they wouldn’t give up. Even losing the fourth set by 10, down 4-7 and losing an 11-7 lead in the fifth set, the tenacity to win the point never wavered.
The love for growing the technical skills of volleyball is a must to play at the highest levels of the game, but athletes should never forget to develop the intangible skills that create relationships, memories, and skills that will last a lifetime. Tonight I’m hoping these qualities, along with the beauty of their technical game, will earn the Stanford Cardinal a conference championship, the first since 2010, and a bid to the NCAA tournament. This Cinderella run is too fun to watch and write about, but no matter what happens, these guys are where they are supposed to be, playing together and writing a story that will serve the world far beyond the outline of that 30 X 30 court.
Let's go tonight Card! Rooting for you all the way to the National Championship!
People care, or they are curious, or both:) When people ask me what happened to my ankle, I tell them I had ankle surgery.
“Wendy, you need to start saying I had an ankle reconstruction.” said my amazing PT.
“I did?” I said.
Well, suddenly it made a lot of sense. Both because of the intense pain the first couple of weeks and the new beginning I feel now. There is space where there wasn’t before and with that space I have the opportunity to get stronger and grow to new levels of fitness and performance. I love it when my body and life parallel each other:) I believe this even at 47 years young. I get to decide what high performance looks like for me, and nothing is more exciting to me than plotting that path to BE BETTER…body, mind, and spirit.
While I’ve recovered and haven’t been able to be physically active while I heal, I’ve incorporated new recovery tools like breath work, cold exposure, and red light therapy with a disciplined process and my HRV, sleep patterns, and window of tolerance to balance the ups and downs of life with a more regulated nervous system have improved and my mind is strong. Shout out to the N=1 mentorship with Shift Adapt’s Emily Hightower and her amazing insight. Just because one aspect of our lives is compromised, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other areas we can shine light on to understand better.
On Monday I will be 100 % weight bearing and I’m ready to begin the physical journey with a stronger foundation than I had two months ago. I’m so grateful for new beginnings, and all about making them happen.
It’s Easter weekend, time to think about so much more than these volleyball games that give me so much joy to watch. Breaking down volleyball strategies with great players, coaches, and fans is one of my favorite things to do. I love the technical, the mindset, and the strategy…but even more than that, I love the stories behind the games and the relationships that have enriched my life in the deepest and most healing ways. That’s why I’m having such a great time with my new podcast, What I Meant to Say. Easter is about resurrection and new beginnings and that is something that resonates with my story over and over again and also with the people in my life that support my growth on a daily basis. Gratitude builds energy for the road ahead, I can’t recommend the practice enough.
Here are some takeaways that have come from this slow down to grow stronger process:
Everyone needs a place to feel safe to grow. My life has been forever changed by the healing place I get to call home and the people that have made it that way. Over the last few years, it’s been filled with good calming energy, but the gratitude I have for the cosmic connection that Cari Whitmore has provided in this healing time made my home feel safe when I felt vulnerable. She knows how to make my coffee…talk about a love language:) These talks, healing meals, connection, and care are part of a bigger story that is still playing out.
Surround yourself with people who believe in new beginnings. Mindset is a game changer. Do you believe that life is what you make it or that life is happening to you? Your thoughts determine your days.. While I stand squarely in the belief that the buck stops with me and the choices I make to shape each day, the people who chime in, send encouragement, and support a growth mindset are game changers in my life. Thank you to all of the people who have provided this for me over the last few months.
Self reflection is the key that unlocks the new cycle. On the podcast I recorded last week with my life long friend, school psychologist, coach, and parent Russell Raypon, as well as the one from this week with former volleyball pro, father, and cancer survivor Matt Prosser, we concurred that self reflection is a major key to unlock potential and growth, not to mention more meaningful life long relationships. I can’t wait to release these over the next few weeks. There is a new ‘What I Meant to Say’ podcast that comes out every Wednesday. Check it out wherever you listen to your podcasts!
Affirmations work. From time to time, the 2am demons still come to visit. Do you know them? They wake you up and remind you of everything that you haven’t finished and ask you if you are crazy to believe you can do what you believe you can when you wake up every morning? Affirmations are my go to in these moments to send the demons packing. Whatever you focus on will grow, believe that in every moment and use affirmations when your belief wavers. Belief in yourself is a muscle that can always be strengthened.
Decide what is important to you in your life, and be intentional about making it happen. It doesn’t matter if other people get it, move forward, and as you do, you will attract the people who are meant to be part of your new beginning. Here’s to strong foundations and the community and connection that support them. Thank you to the people who have supported me on this journey, from my cup of coffee to the encouraging Instagram DM, to the strangers who have helped me through airports. I’m grateful for every single thing that has brought me to this point, excited about the road ahead, and grateful for the processing skills that have helped me get to this place. It's been a reconstruction in more ways than one.
Happy Easter everyone, believe in new beginnings and everything is possible.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
When I learned to play volleyball, there were nine players standing on a blacktop volleyball court on the playground of my elementary school. I was in 6th grade and the coach was a teacher, standing in his slacks wearing his tennis shoes and carrying a clipboard. He was about 6’6 and a basketball guy, but he taught us to rotate in a zig zag from left to right through the three rows of players and what I remember most was that I wanted to get to the back of the court so I could serve. That serve was underhand, the kind they don’t even teach kids anymore, but there was one game at an opposing elementary school that I served 15 points straight and we won 15-0. These are my earliest volleyball memories, and they still make me smile. I was a beginner, and for a kid who didn’t like school much at that point, learning the sport was the most fun part of my day.
Have you ever heard of a beginner's mind? It’s a zen buddhist term that teaches us to approach everything with an attitude of openness and without preconceived notions of what we know or how things “should” go. A mindset like this allows us to stay curious and keep learning no matter what level of the game we have already mastered. It helps us stay humble, even as we progress through skill levels and keeps us hungry to learn more. No matter what age or stage of the game you have come to, and even if your game is that game of life, do you allow yourself to approach things with a beginner’s mind? From my perspective this approach is one of the greatest tools we have to BE BETTER at what we want to accomplish.
Conversations with other coaches are something that I have a passion for. I could talk for hours about the best ways to help people unlock the potential that is already inside them. I was lucky enough to record an epic conversation this week with my dear friend of over 30 years, Russell Raypon. Our conversations go back to when I would pick him up to carpool to high school when we were 16. Today he is a husband, father, school psychologist, basketball coach and amazing writer with his own blog. During our ‘What I Meant to Say’ podcast conversation, he hit on the topic of how to convert potential to performance. As athletes, that is always something we are after. As Russ broke it down for me, he described a conversation he had with his wife, who was a professional ballerina and trains dancers today, the top three things they saw that converted potential into performance were:
But beyond these things, Russ and I agreed that self awareness was the key to long term high performance. Why? Because when we understand the why beyond what we are working toward, there is a different well of energy that we are able to draw from. We stop working to produce a certain result, and find joy in the process. This is what I refer to as a High Performance Zen lifestyle, that embraces beginner’s mind, helps us understand ourselves better, continue to sharpen our edges to BE BETTER, and be kind to ourselves in the process as we travel the path of learning new things. I believe in High Performance Zen so much, I have even created a course to help train it. Self awareness and coachability go hand in hand. The greater our self awareness the easier it becomes to reframe negative thoughts that have the potential to sabotage high performance, we are able to stay mentally tough, and keep our head in the game.
I’ve come a long way from those blacktop volleyball courts in 6th grade, but one thing that has never changed are the life lessons that I have gained through sports that have made me a stronger, tougher, and better person. The mission of BE BETTER with Wendy Jones is to inspire self awareness to create strong athletes, connected teammates, and better humans. These golden conversations on ‘What I Meant to Say’ are just the beginning. Embracing my own beginner’s mind and drawing from the well that converts potential to performance in my own game of life and grateful for every single person who has supported me and said yes through this amazing creative and worthy process. Look for the good and you will find it.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Epiphanies have always come to me in the water. As a swimmer, I used to wish that there was a device that would record my thoughts as I stared down at that black line. People say it’s a lonely sport, but as an adult with real world thoughts and challenges, it was an introvert’s dream. These days, post my Feb 14 ankle surgery, those deep thought processes are confined to the shower. This morning I was reconciling a conversation I had with Matthew, my 14 year old, who happens to be a very literal thinker.
“BE BETTER?” He asked. “Mom, that sounds harsh.”
I paused. Over this process of developing a mission driven business, I have wrestled with my ego, I’ve written, watched, learned, taken notes, had the best conversations and made connections with people I never knew were headed my way. But I have also sat frozen on my couch, completely overwhelmed, drowning in information and fear of failure, so the last thing I want to sound like to anyone reading or listening is harsh. What I figured out in that process though, is that no matter what our ego wants to tell us, this game of life, or even a battle on the court, it is never an all or nothing proposition.
Every life is filled with moments of victory and defeat, love and loss, process and achievement, but what ends up defining our journey is the way we learn to respond to whatever crosses our path. It was here that I learned to gain confidence because I believed in my ability to adapt, rather than base my confidence in what I already knew for sure. What a game changer. Yoga and mindfulness practices helped me learn to sink into a feeling of being instead of doing, and things began to flow, on the volleyball court and in my life. And that’s where the concept of ‘BE BETTER’ started. ‘BE BETTER’ isn’t harsh, it’s meant to give the grace to take it slow, so that we can feel safe enough to self-reflect and know that perfection is an illusion, so we don’t get stuck and try to do more and more to feel worthy. That is the prescription for burnout, not greatness.
Over the last few months, I added a podcast called ‘What I Meant to Say’ with the vision of giving ourselves some grace when we get the chance to tell our story with the benefit of hindsight. Another tenet I hold on to is that we go through difficult times in our lives, not just to make us stronger, but so that we can help others, and my hope is that these conversations will do that. With three releases so far, I can see the stories of athletes and leaders from all walks of life connect and synergize in a way that not only teaches growth mindset, but inspires us to make choices based on love not fear, and abundance instead of scarcity.
As I listened to these first three conversations, Episode 1 with Toni Rodriguez, Episode 2 with Savvy Simo, and Episode 3 with Kahlee York, all three NCAA beach volleyball alumni and current up and comers on the professional scene, and BE BETTER featured athletes. Through their stories, they connected a message of tenacity, sensitivity, and self care that makes both a good life and a great leader. Each of these vulnerable stories recounted the highs and lows of their journeys and will inspire you to live authentically as you compete in your own game of life. Their stories reinforced my belief that the best way forward is to compete with ourselves and collaborate with our communities so that we can be strong on our own and better together. To get where I am meant to go, I have had to stare down at my own black line and not worry about what is to either side of me, but when we come out at the end, I believe in the community of support that is there for all us just trying to BE BETTER, one breath at a time.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Song of the week, love the grace in these lyrics
The BE BETTER story isn’t about me. It’s a story of relationships that helps remind us that we are strong on our own, and better together. It’s about the people who trust me, ask me for recommendations and advice, and who I coach to recognize the beauty and potential that is already inside each one of you. This is about the connection I feel with parents, athletes, and coaches of all ages as we engage in these conversations about the next right step on the path and how to honor it with intention. It’s about the feeling I get when I am in a gym, on the beach, in a yoga class, or standing on a pool deck watching people use the sports they love as a vessel to become the best versions of themselves. I know the journey intimately. It’s been a part of my own healing, thriving and most importantly has given me some of the most valuable relationships in my life. Volleyball has helped me understand myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and given me a place to come back to again and again to work on them.
As much as I love to break down the games I love by stats and technical skill, my unique gift is to see patterns that have happened on an athlete's journey and help them see the why behind their hard work or perhaps where they are challenged on the road to accomplish their goals. My new course, High Performance Zen, is a great self paced way to help athletes and their families avoid the pitfalls of burnout and create wellness for life. And our Be Better monthly membership gives you access to live discussions with me weekly, discounts on products and courses, and a robust video library of conversations with Olympians, volleyball pros, and healers of all kinds, focused on being as strong as we can on our own, so we can Be Better together.
Be Better is also a platform to connect all the ideas, services, and businesses of the volleyball community in one place so we can come together and support each other. Each month we will grow with more listings of great services from the people you want to support because they love the game as much as you do. We are not competition, we are a rising tide for athletes, parents, and coaches and a place to promote great camps, products, and content that raises the vibration in the gym, on the beach, and all over this planet that we love.
Over the last year, I have had a number of mothers and daughters that I have built deep relationships with as I have had the honor to be a part of their journey. Many times I’ve noticed, it’s not the things that happen at practice or during a game that we talk about, it’s the relationships off the court that have an impact on our self worth, mindset, and confidence. Often the paths they have walked remind me of myself and my own two girls. When you are delving into topics of identity, self worth, and the relationships that shape young minds on those things, trust is the most important issue. As both a parent and a coach, I know that relationship is in a tough spot these days. Right alongside my relationship with my own kids, this coaching relationship is a sacred space for me, and you have my word, I will always treat it that way.
Chip Conley said in one of the many legendary Finding Mastery episodes that I’ve listened to over the years
“Wisdom is pattern recognition.”
Over the last few years as my vision for Be Better has come together, there have been some starts and stops and twists and turns as I figured out some patterns in myself and in the world that needed healing. As the coach and healer I am, I want you to know that you can trust me. Whether coaching, energy healing or a combination of both, I am here to honor an athlete’s progress in life and let it transform the way she plays. I will never stop learning new ways to Be Better and I will always shine the light so you can connect with the greatness that is already inside of you so you can BE BETTER too. Come join us!
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Listen and watch my new podcast 'What I Meant to Say'. This week was with Savvy Simo, and a new one is released every Wednesday! Over the last few years as my vision for Be Better has And starting May 1, which is as soon as I will be off these crutches, I will have an office in the South Bay to do 1:1 coaching/energy healing in person. Zoom sessions are available now!
One of the reasons I love being a writer is because I get to work from my strength. My personality has always been more reserved and, like many of us, I tend to be hard on myself. Along with the love I have for a great story, writing opens up a space where I can process slowly and use an eraser or a backspace button before I put words into the world. It’s the great pause and sift that we don’t get as easily in conversations. But it’s also hard to find anything I like more than real human connection. The kind that abandons small talk and gets to the heart of things that matter, make us stronger, and the world better.
What I also believe to be true about this life is that it’s good to indulge our curiosities and challenge ourselves. I’m a creature of habit, so I’ve gotten used to that scratchy feeling that settles in when I’m prodded to try something new and know I need to accept the challenge because my life story is not meant to leave it undone. For a while now, I have thought I wanted to start a podcast. I spend a lot of time listening to some great ones…Finding Mastery, A Bit of Optimism, and my friend Jason’s Dibelius’s The Option to name a few, so I’ve got some good research under my belt. I also love the podcast world because it elevates ordinary stories that don’t make it into our sensationalized and divisive mainstream media, but connect us through the universal truths of being human. So, starting next Wednesday, I’m excited to introduce to you on all major platforms, my new podcast….WHAT I MEANT TO SAY.
I believe that the greatest gift we can give to the next generation is our own self awareness and the goal of What I Meant to Say is to connect us through the visions, stories, and life lessons of people rising in sports, business & life and uncover the optimism that is sometimes front and center, and other times under the surface. Throughout my journey, I have experienced many ‘What I Meant to Say’ moments, but since life doesn’t give us do overs, I’ve created a space to reflect and tell our stories again, with a little more grace for ourselves, and the hope that we can help others, and all get a little better for having listened.
Podcast conversations come out raw, there are no erasers or backspaces on these talks. I want to say thank you to Jason for his generous effort to tech my show and let me get my feet wet in his recording studio. Without his energy, heart, and willingness I wouldn’t have been able to make big strides this quickly. So without giving too much away about what is to come, I hope you will join us for the unerasable moments that we capture on WHAT I MEANT TO SAY. I’ve had a blast recording already and if you have a story that you think would make for a great conversation, send me an email or a DM and let’s talk. The first episode drops this Wednesday, March 16, I hope you will listen, subscribe, and tell me exactly what you meant to say.
Writers seek throughlines. Coaches seek potential. Athletes (& humans really) often seek perfection. I am all of these things. But since July 28, 2000, my deepest sense of connection is being a parent. I’ve never been more connected to a calling or felt a greater sense of purpose in my life, I guess that’s how I ended up with four of them. Whether it was a 3am feeding, getting down on their level to look at a little face, or the joy I feel watching them discover who they are, I have always sought their presence. All of these identities have collided in my mind as I try to understand the reality of the tragedy that occurred at Stanford this week. I didn’t know Katie, and I know I can’t make anything better, or create any comfort for people I don’t even know. I find myself unable to concentrate except to seek the throughline, to mourn the loss of potential, and to say that there is no perfection expected or possible when it comes to ourselves or our kids. We just need their presence. I can’t imagine life without them and what the Meyer family, Katie's friends, and her entire community have been left to grieve leaves me with the greatest sense of despair and emptiness.
All week I’ve been journaling about women, because they have shown up for me in ways big and small since my surgery three weeks ago. We are a force to be reckoned with, and at the same time, are so hard on ourselves. Even together, with a sense of a sisterhood, or a team, we can feel so alone. So many of us are challenged when it comes to asking for help; we feel we need to put on a brave face and be strong on our own. I think we are afraid to need each other. After surgery, I’ve needed help for the simple things, and at this stage of the game, I've finally gotten a little better at asking…and the women have come out of the woodwork. I'm sure Katie was like these women. They've been there to lend a hand with everything from a ride, to a meal, to laundry, to taking Matthew’s stitches out of his hand.
Yes, he managed to crash on his skateboard three days after my surgery and wind up with seven stitches and a compressed L1/L2 in his back. He scared the heck out of me to the point that I wasn’t even ready to talk about it last week. It made me feel fragile in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time, since he was little and I couldn’t let him out of my sight after his near drowning accident. Over the last twelve years since we almost lost him, I have battled with how to let him go out and experience life in the way that is necessary to build confidence and independence instead of giving in to the neurotic feeling that exhausted me because no matter what I did, I knew that I could not control enough to guarantee his safety. As parents, we never can. On the surface, life often looks harder for him than it does for my other three. School and socialization are harder and it is an achilles heel to cater more to him because from the world’s perspective he seems to struggle more. But the pressures that our kids put on themselves at the ‘top’, where internal battles are hidden under their more hearty exteriors and grace under fire ways, or the amazing wins that we all love to celebrate, are extreme. How do we know what is too much? What I know is that over a lifetime the high highs are not what bring us through but instead, the simplest forms of human connection that ground us in our inevitable moments of uncertainty, sadness, fear, or grief so that we can see another sunrise.
Life is full of questions that we never know the answers to. I am certain that the question of how a life is cut too short is one that will never leave us. The only throughline I can find is that we need each other to understand our beauty and our struggle and connect anyway. We have to tell people we love them, and help each other see a way through when we can’t find it on our own. We have to show that we are that one call that says you matter too much and the end isn't near.
I wanted to come up with an answer…the age of social media, the isolation that we have experienced, or the achievement that may seem to be a birthright for lights that shine so bright on earth, but the writer in me can’t come up with one. Every week I write to gain perspective and to connect with the younger generation to pass on whatever wisdom I’ve uncovered along my journey. But today the only thing that comes through is that we need to love and lean on each other when fear creeps in and the struggle is too much to shoulder alone. For Katie the struggle is over, but I can feel her strength is still here. I hope and pray that God’s grace covers her friends and family in the softest golden light and that they can always feel her strong presence…because as parents, from the moment any of you are born, that is all we ever need.
IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW NEEDS HELP PLEASE CALL THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE AT 1-800-273-8255 or TEXT "HOME" to the CRISIS TEXT LINE AT 741-741
Over the past five years, I have learned so much from my body. I didn’t realize I had left it, in many ways I had disconnected from it long ago to protect myself from all of the things highly sensitive people feel. But as I’ve come back into it, through breath, movement and human connection, I began to realize everything that I still expect of it. I still want to swim, play, and flow, through life. I decided that I wanted more for myself, that I wanted not just to dream more, but to be more, to feel and fall in love with myself in a way that would make my life better and set an example for my kids that could help change the trajectory of their lives too.
My north star is to heal patterns of generational pain that cause us to shut down and develop compensating patterns and defense mechanisms that harm our relationships with ourselves and others and keep us off the path to our fullest potential. And one thing I know for sure is that the path starts with a firm foundation, and for the past 10 years I have had a hard time feeling my feet firmly planted on the ground.
What I know is that our physical, mental, and energetic bodies are not separate and with a degenerative right ankle and a bad surgery I had in 2012 that displaced my heel position, I had struggled to get both feet squarely on the ground beneath me. My foot positioning impacted my ability to balance well and use both sides of my body equally. The repercussions that came from that were many, from compensating patterns, to not being able to train certain muscles even if I wanted to, to feeling very vulnerable to anything that was coming at me from the right side. And even though most people would never have noticed, I knew that it was time to correct course and get my feet firmly planted on the ground again. They are our foundation, where we gain the ability to ground our thoughts and actions and begin to let in the sensations that tell us where we are in space. Although I have tried every intervention you can think of from massage, to myofascial tissue release, to acupuncture, to get my foundation back, I needed some Western medicine to intervene. On Feb 14, I woke up after surgery at Kerlan Job (can’t say enough about the quality of their care!) with my heel back underneath my foot and the strong possibility of a full recovery to a strong foundation. This is where my optimism shines…I know it’s going to happen and it’s worth every non-weight bearing moment.
As I journeyed home from the surgery center, a car ride I barely remember after a 2.5 hour surgery, the one thing I do recall was coming back into my home. This gratitude I have for the calm, regenerative space that I have owned for the past 3 years is immense. Hobbling back in on my crutches, I had the same feeling as the first time I saw it. My home has a healing spirit, and I feed it everyday with essential oils, lavender sprays, and routine saging and palo santo burns so it can keep its ability to strengthen and restore anyone who lives here or comes to stay. Even though life has landed me in a very nice neck of the woods on California’s Pacific Ocean, It’s never about being fancy, this space is about safety and connection and providing a place where people can gather to restore and feel understood.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve needed so much help to keep my universe on track - non weight bearing and can’t drive - and the support that has poured in has flooded my heart with gratitude. From the meals, rides, and company, to the calls and texts to check in, I can’t thank you enough for the ways I have felt loved - my home has felt like a sort of co-op and it has been the most amazing feeling. This has been my body’s chance to heal and slow down, but also my mind's journey to greater places and my spirit's time to recharge to give me the energy to see my vision through. The connection I have made over the past few weeks coming through the pain of surgery to insure a solid foundation is that without that, I would not be able to keep this roof over my head that I am so grateful for. What I know for sure is that the foundations that we build, shape the homes we create and the roofs over our head. The cool thing is it’s never too late to work on our foundations.
As I watch from a distance what is going on in the world, I know there is so little I can do on a grand scale, but my north star of generational healing is a little piece of parallel universe that allows me to give back and makes me feel less helpless.
I want to leave you with a quote from C.S. Lewis that struck me this week in the wake of all that humanity faces today:
“If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things - praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting with our friends over a pint and a game of darts - not huddled together like freightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds. “
Whether the microbes that have consumed our lives for the past two years or the heartbreaking destruction in Ukraine, I am praying for peace through strength and strong foundations...from the ones beneath our feet that we are responsible for, to the ones we create in our homes, and out into the far reaches of the world, so that the human spirit can live freely with safe roofs over their heads. Praying for the safety of the Ukrainian people who deserve to live in peace and do all of the sensible things C.S. Lewis’s words so eloquently expressed. Not a small prayer, but for each of us it starts with doing the next right thing so we can be a little bit better today to be stronger, so that we may be free tomorrow.
I’ve come a long way in the last five years. In March of 2016 I wrote my first Optimists Journal blog at a time when I was only putting my thoughts down in hopes that my kids would understand who I was and what I was thinking when they were old enough and ready to understand. Thanks to my awesome technical knowledge at the time, I lost the first 10-20 while updating my website…on my own, bad idea. From the start, my writing was a mix of sports, relationships, and mindset. Since then I’ve gone down many rabbit holes to discover the facts behind mindfulness, sleep, nutrition, recovery science, and how they relate to telling an optimistic, and ultimately triumphant, life story.. I have proven to myself that telling stories is an amazing way to heal, learn, teach, and encourage others to reflect on their own story to celebrate the good and learn from the challenges. Writing gives me clarity where I didn’t have it before, and helps me see where to step next on the path ahead. Over this time, the process has proven to be fulfilling in ways I didn't know when I started. At that point I just knew I had to do the next right thing. I’ve learned all about the depths of imposter syndrome and how to trust my gut. As I’ve moved through, one day at a time, my confidence and knowledge of myself and what I am meant to say and do on this journey has been a transformation from feeling small and unworthy to aligned and connected with my own gifts and talents and recognize how to connect them with all of the good and passionate people in the world.
I believe that the greatest gift we can give to the next generation is our own self awareness, so I work to do things that build mine, set an example, and teach them how to extend grace to themselves and others when things get dicey. If you have signed up for a membership, I wanted to thank you for being a part of this inner circle, for emailing me when something I say resonates or even telling me when you disagree. I don’t believe we all have to see the world the same, or that if you don’t agree with me, it’s a mark on your character. I wish I felt that sentiment throughout our society when discussing so many important issues of the day. My new site has ways we can keep up this conversation and learn how to be better together.
As always, I have a few takeaways and things I’ve learned through this process over the last five years:
Building a team of like minds, with a myriad of talents, allows everyone to do what they do best. No one is meant to walk this road alone. We are all connected.
I know real healing has happened when my inner life, outer life, and online life have massive synchronicity. The lessons that I have learned are also the lessons I can teach, and yet I continue to feel them again on a bigger stage with even deeper meaning. There is no point of arrival, just the continual pull to learn more and do better with the knowledge gained.
When I write, I feel a deep connection with my purpose: to connect generations through understanding of what makes us whole and create relationships that leave legacies.
Every moment of this journey, from second guessing, learning to be seen, letting go of the fear of what other people think, and even the days spent sitting in pajamas on the couch paralyzed with fear that I couldn’t say what I wanted to say on my own were an integral part of this journey. Like everything else it’s all connected and it all had to happen to Be Better. Nothing has been wasted.
Now you will get to see my vision to connect generations of athletes and parents and inspire them to be better, one day at a time, and create a community of excellence and inclusion.
What I know to be true today is that the process really is the dream, and every day I enjoy the process that I have created. Your process will create room for you and everyone around you to shine. And that is exactly what I want to bring forth in this new space. Are you ready? I am.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Because music is always telling us a story…
The events of the week have done their best to knock me for a loop and I’m grateful for faith and meditation to help me keep my feet on the ground. When I read the news, things don’t feel right to me. I see big glaring holes in reason, hypocrisy around so many corners, and profits that matter more than people. Even the practicality of the day is being challenged. Do I stop working and go wait in line for a free Covid test handed out at the high school to test my asymptomatic child, or do I push forward with the work I am passionate about to create deep health and wellness in the world? There are only so many hours in the day, and the powers that be seem to want me to run from place to place, seeking out tests and spending money to have them expedited to comply with more regulations so that the kids can try to maintain some semblance of normalcy. It’s beyond stressful for them, in a way that sinks into their nervous systems in ways they can’t even label. There is real damage being done, I see it firsthand every day. They are learning that even when they work hard and follow ‘the rules’, what they work for can be pulled from them in a moment's notice. They are being taught to isolate and hide rather than connect and it’s far more damaging emotionally and mentally than this latest mutation of the virus that all the news would have us believe lurks at universities, high school functions, small sporting events, and conventions where kids gather to share their talents, but somehow misses The Rose Bowl and the Laker games. At this point, it’s hard not to believe that financial gain for big corporations is being valued far more than the life experiences that we only get certain times in our lives to experience. The damage being done right now will be studied and talked about for generations.
My frustration comes in large part because this is not March of 2020 and one thing I have always believed is that when you know more, you can and should do better. But what I see is that we know more, and we keep doing the same thing. This virus has mutated to a form that on average, seems to cause a nasty cold, not death. They say the hospitals are still full, but that is a function of far more than COVID cases. I’m convinced now that if we haven’t already had it, we are going to get it. So why would we close schools, cancel games, fan attendance, and other experiences for our kids when there is no significant risk to their health? Unless we have other risk factors, which we as human beings need to be autonomous enough to recognize and assess our own risk, the cycle at this point seems to be get sick, lay low, recover. As you can see, I’m frustrated, more for the next generation than even for myself.
But I still want to understand why:
It’s ok to focus, and even force, a vaccination that neither stops the contraction or the transmission of the virus but not on treatment protocols for people who are infected with it?
It’s ok to tell someone that they have to put a shot, or multiple shots, in their body, but believe in a woman’s right to choose?
It’s a conspiracy to follow the money trail to big corporations while small businesses are being decimated by closures and the isolated way of life that is promoted in the name of safety?
It’s difficult to find a bed in a mental care facility for someone who has been infected with Omicron, when the risk to their life is far less than the mental affliction that is causing such deep pain?
My point isn’t how I feel on any one of these topics, but the hypocrisy that seems to exist in the perspectives. I’ve talked this week with so many whose lives have been affected by the virus. But the truth is that I have never talked to anyone who has stared down death that doesn’t want to go out living as large as they possibly can. Life will continue to be a risky proposition on so many levels (not just this one singular risk that we can’t seem to take our eyes off for a minute), but we are here to live it. Give the next generation a chance at the memories that are bigger than any risk that is posed to them. They deserve regular life, and as I continue to trust my gut, I know it is more than possible.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
THIS WEEKS SONG - Thanks for the find Chrissy;)
In the last week I’ve driven over 1,100 miles, much of it by myself, which gave me lots of time for podcasts and music, two of my favorite pastimes. But for some of it, I turned off all the sounds and just gave myself time to think. When I do this, I can feel my body settle, my blood pressure lower, and my mind relax. I find that I’m so curious about the world and what’s in it, I take in a lot, but it always requires time to integrate. Music and lyrics, as they do for everyone if we let them in, brings up feelings and emotions that help us identify our own human experience. It’s why I am slightly obsessed with the gifted songwriters out there. They have the ability to put the human experience on display in the most powerful ways in just a few minutes.
The morning of December 28th, on what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary, I woke up in San Luis Obispo. To be honest, it hadn’t occurred to me until I was pulling into SLO the night of the 27th and everything in me wanted to stop for the night instead of trying to make it home. Still, after everywhere I’ve traveled, it’s one of my favorite and most peaceful spots in the world. After dropping Luke at Stanford, the girls getting themselves home to SoCal in a separate car, and Matthew staying a few more days in Fresno, a night of quiet on my own, after the holiday craziness was calling and I was happy to be able to take it. Healing takes a lot of pattern recognition and coming back to SLO reminds me of what I knew about myself 25 years ago that I allowed to get buried, trying to make other people comfortable or, as they say, putting on the oxygen masks for others before you secure your own first. But as I travel the path, and trust that the people around me are doing the best they can with what they know, I find little room in my heart for regret. Of course the main reason for that is the four of them that have been the driving force of goodness in my life for 21 years. But beyond that, to know that wisdom is pattern recognition and that without the gift of time and the ability to slow down and listen, I wouldn’t know what I do about myself, somehow it all makes sense, and I find peace. The only expectation I have is that I keep learning, and am brave enough to apply what I learn. So I came up with some good areas of focus for myself for 2022 to take care of myself so that I can stoke the fire in me to bring the stories that I am excited about that promote generational learning and healing to the world. Hopefully you may recognize where some of these apply in your own life;)
Be kind, to ourselves first, so we can bring kindness to others. Maybe we hear this a lot, and it goes in one ear and out the other because we think we are already doing enough. Find another layer. Cut yourself some slack, stop the all or nothing thinking. In this space we can see the choices that we have in our lives. If there is one thing that I am convinced of from the stories that cross my coffee table every day, it’s that people fight battles within themselves and in the world that are greater than their Christmas cards will ever show. Kindness that starts with ourselves creates space to have these healing conversations that are vital to our lives.
Trust Your Gut. If we have been in situations where questioning our own sense of self or the reality that surrounded us was part of surviving, or maintaining some type of social equilibrium, we lose touch with what we know is true at our core - that each of us has a unique gift to bring to the world. Sometimes it gets buried under layers of insecurity and hurt, but the truth is it’s always inside of us, and its voice never goes away. I realize how long I have spent letting that voice stay quiet, and then slowly finding it’s way out, and the courage to do that has always come down to trusting my gut. 2022 is going to be spent writing and talking about ‘what I meant to say’. Every day is gift, and no, you have not missed your calling.
Spend time in silence. There is no greater pull on our intuition and intelligence than modern day distraction. In 2022, I want to grow my own mindfulness practice and help other people start or grow their own. It’s not only the place where we get to separate our thoughts from our actions, it’s the place where we are able to connect to the Divine. And that’s where the healing and sense of calm resides.
Sink in with my music, fiction, movies & animals. This goes back to being kind to myself. So often I have thought that these things are a waste of time, but when I look back on my most joyful moments of 2021, all four take a prominent and simple place in my joy. Rediscovering fiction was a highlight of 2021, when my back was hurt and it was the only thing that took my mind off of it. Now I realize it’s novelty is an amazing gateway to my own creativity and flow.
Continue to learn. This is the caveat to my above precept that people are doing the best they can with what they know. We must continue to learn. When we do, our story progresses instead of repeats…not just for ourselves but for the generations that come after us. And there is not a single thing in the world that motivates me more than that.
Promote conversations that heal. I’m thankful for the science that backs up my storytelling ways. From the neuroscience of flow and positive psychology, one of my favorite tools has been this VIA character assessment. It’s a great place to start on the journey of self awareness. I’m thankful that forgiveness always comes out in my top five character traits because throughout our lives, we need to extend that virtue to ourselves and others over and over again. And that’s ok, it’s part of the human experience. Silence doesn’t heal, the conversations need to be had, and forgiveness is always a healthy part of that process. In 2022, I’m looking forward to taking this to the next level.
Those green hills of San Luis Obispo reminded me that in this life, we don’t get do overs. But, if we keep our senses alive and hearts open, we have many opportunities everyday to do incredible things. In so many ways, a new year is just another day to learn more and be a little bit better than we were the day before, but there is nothing wrong with a little rest and a holiday weekend to remind us of the greatness we are all capable of. Some times you have to pause to pursue. Here’s to embracing the pause with all the kindness, love, and optimism we can muster and having the courage to say what we meant to say in this New Year. Can’t wait to show you what I have in store to do just that in 2022.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
