March 4, 2023
I don’t remember the exact date, but it was a sunny Friday afternoon in 2014. Clear blue skies on the beach, volleyball practice had been canceled for some reason, and there were four happy kids running around in the sand with nowhere else to be. They were all together, the little ones loving having the big ones around, and I remember thinking that life didn’t get better than this. I’m glad I stopped to take it in, because life keeps rolling but the imprint of that moment is still there.
Within two years, everything about those kinds of moments changed. Nearly 20 years of a relationship crumbled and left me digging deeper to figure out why. Yes, it takes two. Yes, even with love, the makings of the crumble were there from the beginning, but the feelings of guilt and shame left me asking questions and I wanted the answers. The relationships we have with each other are significant in the here and now, but they carry the footprints of the people who came before us too. I don’t say that lightly, or to search for a scapegoat or place blame. One of my core tenets in doing this work is that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know, but it is our responsibility to keep learning so we can grow and evolve into humans who connect more and hurt less. This is what I call generational healing and it’s been my North Star for the last six years…maybe even before, I just didn’t have a name for it.
So, what is generational healing and how do I define it?
Generational healing: When our connection with ourselves is rediscovered while we peel back the layers and make peace with past traumas in our family lines.
Why is generational healing important?
In this process we come to understand our inherent worth, strength, and the agency we have in our lives. We begin to love ourselves more, criticize ourselves less, and form interdependent rather than codependent relationships that create deep knowing of ourselves and families and communities where everyone is able to work from their strengths.
What happens if we turn away from healing?
I’ve heard it said that addiction is the opposite of connection. Addiction will always push away love and, according to Native American wisdom, will leave its mark for seven generations to come. It leaves fractured homes and dinner tables, violates safety and human dignity, and creates disparity in any home where it takes up residence. Eventually, whether that home splits apart or stays together, without the presence of healing energy, the home is broken and the patterns that come from that home create paths that wreak havoc on our health. This pain is expressed on every level from deep within the cells in our bodies and dysregulated nervous systems. If left unresolved, it cycles over and over again, cutting its path over generations of families that no matter how much they love each other, will cause each other more pain.
At this point, if you know me, and have been listening to my thoughts for a while, you are looking for the good news.
Where is the optimism and opportunity?
The answer to that lies in the agency that is within every single human to persevere, to look at themselves and what could be different, and begin to take little steps to make our lives better. I have always believed it was there for anyone, and now the stories that are flowing through my podcast are bringing the living, breathing, examples of human resilience that reinforce my belief that healing is always possible.
How does it happen?
It happens when we stop talking about other people and start talking to ourselves. It happens when we start to understand and practice the tools that connect us with our physical, mental and spiritual being. There are no silver bullets, but there can be a graceful pattern of trial and error while we discover what works for us. It’s a journey of reconnection through unlearning the exercises of control and survival as we discover how to be present in our bodies and minds and know that when we let go of the expectation of what ‘should’ be, we become grounded and calm knowing that through whatever will be, we will be ok. And from this new calm and grounded place energy flows.
What are these tools that help us connect?
Yoga, breathwork, prayer, meditation, journaling, whole foods, daily movement, music, animals, nature, grounding, talk therapy, physical therapy, chiropractic care, energy healing, acupuncture, social interaction, alone time, hydration, supplementation, fasting…the list goes on. I’m sure you could add some of your own. I don’t list all of these things to overwhelm but find hope that there are so many little acts of loving yourself that help connect us to our true selves. Figuring out your personal alchemy is fun, and it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
Generational learning is what we are after here at Be Better Media where one of my goals is to begin to reverse engineer the process of the generational healing we need by creating space for people to be heard and connect with their purpose. Gigantic visions are made up of little consistent steps everyday, but you don’t have to take them all by yourself. Come find me on What I Meant to Say to hear stories of other people committed to being better one day at a time. These conversations have created more moments in the sun for me and helped create more opportunities for health, healing, and ability to go with the flow in life by learning more about the human experience through other people’s eyes. Keep following along…it's getting better and better with the connections we make with each other everyday.
With optimism,
Wendy
