I can feel the shift. I know we are all afraid to anticipate things at this point, because everything in our lives over the last year has taught us the only thing we can count on is change, disruption, and a chance to do things very differently, whether we like it or not. But the vaccines are rolling, I’m sure we all know quite a few people who have had two rounds, and a year ago at this time we didn’t know we would need a new vaccine to live life to the fullest…but it came to pass and if we are among the ones still here, it feels like its time to get down to business.
This week I’ve been reflecting on what we’ve learned since last March. It’s strange how I want the world to be normal again but at the same time not sure what that is anymore. Going back to the way it was almost creates a weird feeling of anxiety in me…one that I know I will get over when whatever normal is comes, but at the same time makes me think about how intentional I want real life to be. I don’t want to sling shot back into the rushing around, sitting in traffic, slotting every minute of every day. COVID has been a worldwide tragedy, but as so many things in life are, there is a duality to what we experienced and the slow down for me for an introverted homebody like me has been more than refreshing on a lot of levels. So I sit here today asking, what do I want the return to look like and here are a few thoughts I came up with:
Live BIg. With over a half million deaths in the US alone, it is clear that many loved ones have been lost and that experience is devastating. The way to honor those lives lost though is to live bigger and less afraid than ever before. The impact of the lives lost in the last year has been so immense, it can only illustrate how precious a day on this earth can be for ourselves and the people connected to us. If we are still here, we still have a purpose that is asking to be fulfilled. How will you meet that challenge? Do you know what that purpose is? If not, how will you discover it? We short change ourselves in life when we play small or live consumed by worry or fear. The better we get to know ourselves, the more we will be able to map our our purpose and unleash our impact on the world. And even when that natural fear creeps in, we know how to recognize and reframe it to keep leveling up. We can honor ourselves, and the people who aren’t with us today by living a life of impact.
Gratitude for simple things. The routines that have come from a slower pace of life are refreshing. Time to appreciate the little things like morning light, the right cup of coffee, or time for a second one, and sunset walks after dinner. Life before had almost eliminated the concept of sitting down to dinner. The deep things in life are strikingly simple, but if we get moving too fast again we forget to notice them. I’m vowing to myself not to make that mistake.
Be More, Do Less. Coming through the challenges we have in the last year has given us a chance to evolve, to know ourselves better, to develop more empathy, and understand that people and their beliefs are complex. How can we not live with less judgment and more presence now that we realize how drastically life can change worldwide in what feels like and instant? We’ve been given the chance in the last year to know ourselves better, understand what we value and in being forced to slow down feel more. Time to sink into ourselves and understand more what we want out of life, and I don’t want to go back.
As I was out on the beach this week playing and watching some of the best volleyball players come alive with the chance to compete, the energy and joy was palpable. It was life being fully lived, without fear, or judgment of who was close to who and people embracing strength and health and it felt so good. I don’t want to lose the connection I felt, the nicknames, the inside jokes, my girls bonding over TicTok and Netflix, but the time is coming, normal is coming…it’s time to decide what we want our normal to look like.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Squarespace isn’t cooperating with me to get a song on here this week…Technical difficulties!
Photo Credit: @amoorephoto_
I’m in a strange spot with my blog this week…having a hard time tying it all up with a bow, even with the most amazing energy and butterflies in my stomach for what is to come. But it’s Sunday, and I’m a creature of habit so I’m checking in.
Trust your vision and work to clarify it.
These are the words that come to me time and again in my mindfulness practice. I started my blog to find clarity on my own journey, and with the hope of helping the next generation learn things from my insights, grounded in optimism, younger than I learned them. I like to call it the ‘game of life’.
I feel such a connection, not just to my own kids, but to the relationships I have made because of them. It’s so easy to generalize, and put a label on a generation or a group of people, one of life’s greatest lessons for me has been to challenge myself not to do that; to take the time to get to know people, one on one, rather than believe a label or what someone else has said about them. Real connection is the name of the game and when I have one on one conversations with kids from this next generation, their strength and insight inspires me. I’m grateful for my strong emotional memory, because I can still remember what it feels like to be 15 or 18 - both the joy and wonder of it, and the struggle. And each time I get the chance to be with one of these remarkable young people, I am in awe of their wisdom and strength. Yesterday, that was my experience with Allie Taylor, almost 14 and showing up for it all in life. I shared some of her wisdom back in November in this blog - What Matters Most - about how we can honor differences, get along, and understand each other better. She knows it’s good to have a passion and apply yourself to it - her’s is dance and music. I had the blessing of seeing her Christmas dance production and it brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful. She understands that challenges come along to make us greater versions of ourselves… and she meets hers head on with bravery and love. Her game of life is the stage, much like my third born Kate. And the lessons of discipline, tenacity, confidence and so many others are the same as sports. Passion is an amazing catalyst for growth. No matter what our age, we are all works in progress, and passion for what we want to create in our lives will open us up (and hopefully allow our ego to soften a bit) for new insight to impact and change us.
This past week, the signs have been everywhere for me. The energy has shifted and doors are opening I wouldn’t have imagined a week ago. The game of life has been in full swing…from Save Stanford Men’s Volleyball, to watching Luke’s first college game on Zoom, to anticipating the opening of TCU Beach Volleyball season next weekend, to a trip to St. George to visit one of my dearest friends (credit 1990 volleyball season for our lifelong friendship) the theme is there. What we learn on the court, we carry with us our entire life.
From my deep clay roots to my bare feet in the sand, this process of evolving and paying attention to the energy I attract has taught me that the greatest journey is one of openness and strong boundaries, inclusion and the ability to honor our uniqueness, and forgiveness, both of myself and others. With a spirit of non-judgment, we can help generational stories evolve into traditions of strength and deep inner knowing that make the world a more healed and stronger place. When we find our passion in doing the work, the sky is the limit, and what is coming has my heart full of gratitude and excitement. I can’t wait to share it all with you.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Feeling these lyrics this week…a little wisdom from Florida Georgia Line
While I’ve always felt that it is important to ask the question, because it happens a lot in American culture these days, I don’t live vicariously through my children, but I am always willing to take a stand next to them if I have seen them show up in full force for themselves. Maybe it’s easier for me separate my dreams from theirs because with four of them with various interests and abilities, there wasn’t always time to sink deep into their experience, it was more a matter of making sure the parental things were done, like signing permission slips, making reservations, driving, and of course paying for things. But as we go through these quickly passing days as parents, we get attached, not to their success, but to the people that they are becoming in front of our eyes as we sit in the stands, watch them perform, or drive them to practice, because as they pursue what interests them, they learn how to take ownership of who they are, and from there, learn how to lead themselves and others, and, no matter how many games they win, there is no greater feeling than watching leadership and grace under fire develop. For Luke, since he was 12 years old, that place has been on the volleyball court and being asked to pivot on that commitment isn’t ok, not for him or any of the other athletes involved in this terrible decision by the university.
Back in July, Stanford broke the hearts of 240 student athletes that had honed their craft and built their leadership skills through thousands of collective hours on the mat, in the pool, on the fields, the water, and in the gym by cutting 11 Olympic sports, citing finances as a reason. The hours that these athletes have dedicated to their craft have helped shape the young adults they have become and they were recruited by Stanford without any indication that their program was under fire. Each of these athletes have unfinished goals and they were all of a sudden left wondering how to accomplish them. It’s not about the scholarship that they say will be honored, it’s about the experience of being a full fledged Division 1 college athlete in the sport that they have spent so much of their life training and falling in love with and that helped shape their identity ( and let’s not forget, in most cases they are 18-21, not 40) To be a Stanford athlete is an opportunity that each of them earned, and had the ability to take to other universities to continue their training and grow their skills as leaders, something that will not only benefit themselves but the world at large, once their days on the court are finished. I’m sure the majority of them would have made a different school choice if they had been alerted to the danger that was lurking for their program. The dedication that it took for them to get to this level required greater sacrifice and focus to achieve their goal of not just becoming a college athlete, but becoming a Stanford athlete. For Luke, that was the dream since attending his first Stanford football game when he was 8 years old, watching Andrew Luck and playing catch with Coach Harbaugh’s wife at the pregame tailgate. And although he is a die hard Stanford, Fantasy Football, and Colt’s fan to this day, his dream of wearing a Stanford jersey didn’t come with pads and cleats, and as mom, I’m thankful that his body and mind will be better off because of that. Sports, as an athletic experience or as a spectator, has the ability to shape and change our lives, and an institution like Stanford, with the breadth of knowledge it has on campus and in the world can do better.
Olympic memories go back in my mind to 1984, to Mary Lou Retton’s perfect 10 in the all around at the Los Angeles Games and continue through Janet Evans in 1992, Missy Franklin and Michael Phelps crushing the medal stands, Dara Torres defying age in her fifth Olympics in 2008 and Kerri & Misty’s runs in 2004, 2008 & 2012. Although each of these athletes have made money through their sports, mostly through endorsements, there are hundreds more unsung heroes who despite great financial hardship, have the dedication to make it to the Olympics and provide us as the public with memories that inspire us through our own lives (think Cool Runnings and the Jamaican bobsled team). None of these sports are money makers for collegiate athletics. If the focus of college sports becomes solely about making a profit, or capitalizing on the athletes that have the potential to sign multi million dollar deals after their collegiate careers, we all lose.
After months of being stonewalled by Stanford, even with an impressive list of alumni working hard to raise funds to endow their own programs, the University has been unwilling to budge. The fight isn’t over yet, because as alumni, parents, and athletes, we will fight for the what is best for these athletes, the public at large, and what Stanford can’t see clearly for itself right now. It’s time to put the passion back into college sports and take the price tag off the commitment that Stanford made to these 240 athletes, because something that life has taught me thus far, is that nothing that is done for the almighty dollar alone, ever, in the end is worth it.
Here is some more information to keep up with the fight by United 11 (the parent group that was started to seek reinstatement) and 36 Strong (the alumni group helping to seek alternative funding solutions). There will be more to come in the next few months, I have no doubt. Honor their dreams and the commitment you made to them Stanford, these athletes deserve better.
Sports Illustrated - Inside The Growing Fight to Save Olympic College Sports
With love & so much optimism,
Wendy
And my song of the week is a classic and cheesy as it feels, I couldn’t get it out of my head;)
Life moves fast, and our choices create patterns…some of which we want to continue, some that if we are observant, we learn from and choose to change. There is nothing that inspires me more, and raises my vibration, than making choices that not only make my days brighter, but help put the next generation on their own path to greatness. It might sound like a lot of pressure, but it’s actually not, because what elevates our days, and helps elevate theirs, is to live, not hide from or try to control life. When we break through to the freedom of being real, surrender the need to control the narrative of life, and stop sweeping things under the rug. Under that rug is where all the low vibrations live and I have a visual that runs through my mind frequently of pulling it up off the ground and shaking it out…and the bad energy just dissipates. And that’s when we find our flow.
As our country has moved through some serious states of upheaval in the past year, I have watched, participated, and taken in the energy around me. Its crazy to realize how directly what goes on in our own kitchen’s influences the world. To put it simply, we have a responsibility to our connections, community, and the world to be people who raise instead of lower the vibration around us. If you are new to vibrational energy, let me explain a little further. Our world is made of energy, every atom vibrates with it, and on a human level, that includes not just our physical bodies, but our thoughts and emotions as well. Certain emotions are associated with certain vibrations. High vibrations are marked by contentment, happiness, optimism, kindness, love, joy, freedom….you get the idea, all the emotions that make life great. We feel low vibrations when we or the people around us embody the emotions of fear, shame, guilt, pessimism, jealousy, rage, powerlessness…you get the idea and I’m sure you’ve encountered the difference of how you feel when these emotions are within you or circling around you. If our vibration is high, we feel the repelling quality of low vibrations…and it works the other way around too. Some people won’t want to be around high vibrations if they are stuck in cycles of guilt, shame, or fear and work subconsciously to bring the high vibrations down.
What we learn is what we teach. All my life, I have been sensitive to the energy that I feel from other people. Learning how it affects my thoughts, emotions and the productivity of my day has been a major focus and lesson for me over the last five years. There was a time when I didn’t know how to recognize it, low vibrations would make me feel uncomfortable, sad, or like I had nothing to add to a situation, or even worse, that it was my job to fix. Unless you understand what’s going on vibrationally, you can get sucked into a sea of sadness and can’t understand you feel so low. These days, I know what to do, how to identify what I feel and set my boundaries accordingly.
Life happens, so much of it is not in our control, but it’s empowering to believe that even just our thoughts can create positive momentum around us. Vibration is a state of being. When we learn how to release fear, live in the present, and embrace forgiveness, there is no limit for how high we can go. Sometimes people get stuck in a low vibration that feels normal to them because fear, shame, and guilt have a hold of them. They have been living it for so long they don’t even know it. Vibrations that continue over time set up generational patterns and conditioning. And if low vibrations have taken hold, and even repeated themselves, as patterns in families have a tendency to do, we have to know how to release the lower vibrations for higher vibrations. This is where the investment comes in. In order to change the pattern, the generational vibration has to be strong, by at least one person, and that is what inspires me everyday and continues to help me live in a state of mindfulness, optimism, and even joy most of the time and see quickly if I am being tripped up by a lower vibrational force.
Here are a few fast ways to raise your vibrational energy when it’s low:
Take a walk barefooted in the soil - Grounding, as it is called, has been shown to anchor us and make us feel more stable and calm
Do a Yoga Flow - the breath to movement of yoga calms our nervous system and raises our vibration in a matter of minutes. Stick with it for 30 mins or an hour and add some heat and prepare for transformation.
Make a ‘Let it go list’. Read it out loud, then burn it and let it go. Surrender is always the first step to progress
Connection with a friend who has good vibes. We don’t always have to be on the giving end or give off false positivity. Sometimes its our turn to receive, trust that you will be there for your friends on the day that they need you and lean in.
Burn sage throughout your living space. When sage is burned it releases negative ions, which is linked to putting people in a positive mood. Works for me every time!
I’ll leave you with a quote that struck me this week:
"Children do not need answers from us as much as they need to see us model peace with not knowing.”
In the end, there is so much out of our control, but peace will leave us with a high vibration and improve life for ourselves and everyone around us. Through mindfulness we can control our thoughts, and with our thoughts we can raise our vibration. The most enlightened among us know that they don’t have all the answers, but they sure do seem to enjoy the process…and that’s what I aspire to learn and teach every single day.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Missed seeing this girl in concert with Tim McGraw back in September…great voice & lyrics…can’t wait for live music to make it’s comeback!
I didn’t realize when I pulled out of my driveway last Saturday to take Luke to Stanford that the trip up I5 was going to be a tour of the last 25 years of my life. Given that I didn’t let it sink in until maybe 24 hours before that he was actually going to make it to campus, to an actual college dorm room, with a roommate, I certainly didn’t think about how I felt about getting him there. This hasn’t exactly been your typical college send off, so different than taking Lauren last year. The experience was a beautiful win all the way around though, from the conversation and excitement in the car, the 80’s music that Luke has on his Spotify, to the way my mind traveled down memory lane without any tears, because I felt such gratitude for the life that I have experienced, the things it has produced, the strength I have gained through the challenges, and for the anticipation of what is yet to come. So many exits along that vast expanse of California mean something to me. They are the experiences and relationships that make me who I am…connected and yet different than anyone else. I was born to grow and be transplanted in many different soils so I could learn to thrive in all of them…I wouldn’t trade country music, beach volleyball, or the opportunities all of these places have provided for my kids for any other path.
People often comment that the journey up I5 is boring, that vast, flat expanse of unpopulated land does tend to stretch on for awhile, but it takes me back to simpler times. Getting mountain bikes or trucks stuck in the sticky clay mud, kitchens where dinner was being prepared but the cook still had to haul water in from an outside well to fill the tank in the house, and wondering if cotton would be knee high by the 4th of July. No joke, that was 1997 for me, and just a short decade later, I had been to DC, London, and Paris, dined in some of the world’s finest restaurants, and brought four kids into the world. Life changes, but if we pay attention, the things we want to bring with us become part of our own soil - the dirt under our feet that grounds us.
Arriving at Stanford with Luke, I realized it had been 24 years to the month that we moved in to married student housing. It felt like some crazy figment of my imagination, I was 22 years old and six months out of college. In all these years, I never internalized any thought that I would have a child that went to school there. I can count the number of times I checked his grades online in high school on one hand, this journey is his own, just like mine has been. It’s not for lack of deep care, but for the belief that we are meant to expose and guide them, not attempt to control their path. I am of course so proud of where he arrived last Saturday, and although I’m sure he thinks he gets lots of mom advice from me, it’s his efforts that got him to this place. I can picture the moments of his volleyball career, the five set matches and game points where his back was up against the wall, that helped him achieve his dream of wearing a Stanford uniform. The optimist in me tells me those days are not over, as hard as Stanford is trying to make them be. The words run through my head daily:
“The path will appear.”
I’m blessed by so many amazing friendships that support and ground me, and help me connect my thoughts. After checking Luke into his dorm, Kate and I made our way to Santa Cruz and one of them. Another relationship born on that I5 corridor over 20 years ago. Sarah and I were the only two women our age working on the westside, because of course at that time, even women five years older seemed light years away from where we were, but even by that measure, there still weren’t many of us. Sarah flies planes, owns her own business, and bakes her own sourdough bread…she has serious skills in all arenas. Over the years we have been to Normandy, Prague, Paris, and London, and dined at Denny’s at 5am for the free birthday breakfast. Now eight kids between us that we have hauled from two year old preschool all the way to college, my circle was complete when Kate and I stopped at Cal Poly on the way home Sunday to take her oldest to lunch. The two little boys that used to count trucks on the freeway on the way to Miss Paige’s are in college. And sitting on that patio at Firestone Grill, on Sunday, it could have been 1995, when my favorite tri-tip sandwich restaurant first opened and I lived down the street, I didn’t feel as far away as I am from being the student instead of the mom buying lunch.
COVID life has brought me closer to phone conversations than I have been since I was 15. There is something about isolation that makes hearing people’s voices so much better than texting. So after we got home, I digested the contents of my weekend with another deep connection, my friend Chrissy, who is simply the most passionate, devoted, and talented human, mom, writer and friend, (Check out her amazing blog here) she put some brilliant words on my swirling nostalgic thoughts.
“Nostalgia is like a warm blanket you wrap yourself in for the journey ahead, instead of a place you long to return to.”
That was an instant yes for me…but it hasn’t always been that way. So I started thinking about what has helped me make that shift in my life, where I can see the beauty in the past, but not long for it and feel like the best days are behind me. Chrissy admitted it is something she struggles with as her beautiful boys get older, need her less, and time does its thing marching on. We have to tread gently on that spot when we realize that life, no matter how hard we try, doesn’t make Uturns. So what do we do to keep growing, evolving, and effect change for ourselves that pays forward to the next generation? Here are a few of my realizations:
Life doesn’t make ‘Uturns’, but we can choose to make ‘Youturns’. With age, we realize that the good things we do for ourselves pay in dividends to the people around us. It takes a healthy amount of self awareness, because I’m not talking about the “do what makes you happy” mentality that indulges our every whim, but the grounded wisdom of saying no to some things, that may even appear selfish to some people, to gain the time and peace we need to create the life and legacy that we want to leave. Those choices are always rooted in a process that values the journey over the destination and trusts that the little ways we invest in ourselves each day will create sustained energy for us and the world at large.
Be invigorated by the pursuit of longevity. I’m inspired to make choices to get the best quality and most years out of my life. That’s why sleep and recovery have become so important to me, and honoring lifelong relationships and building new ones that continue to be deep and connected. It’s refreshing and freeing to be in a place in life where exposing the real you comes naturally, and you have the confidence to let the chips fall where they may. No one wants to believe that their best days are behind them. I love finding ways to feel better…our bodies ask for a little more care and connection than they did when we were younger, but cultivating a deeper understanding for how they work, and how to maximize our days is invigorating, even if it means less happy hour and more CBD.
Believe wholeheartedly in the potential and expansiveness of what is to come and the incredible gift of what we accomplish can be for others. There is a shift that happens at midlife, it’s illustrated brilliantly in David Brooks’s book, The Second Mountain, where we see that true joy is an experience of connection and a deeper understanding of our values. When we get a firm grasp on this, the playing field of life expands, we have little need to control anything, and develop a deep confidence to follow our own path…even when it looks different than anyone else’s. In short, we get to embrace the art of not fitting in and be ok with it!
My life has been influenced by so many arrivals and departures along the I5 and 101 corridor. There isn’t a place in the world that has the unique beauty that this state holds. True success in life happens when you understand where your roots are planted, and have the ability to flourish even when a transplant occurs…and knowing that even though life doesn’t make ‘Uturns’, we can master the art of ‘Youturns’. Once again, I find myself grateful for the heavy clay that taught me what is important to hold on to, and the light and airy sand that has shown me how to let go.
Proud of you Luke Turner. You have strong roots too. Looking forward to seeing where you decide to grow from here.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Here’s my choice for song of the week…there were a few, I’ve spent a lot of time in cars and planes this last week listening!
I’ve been struggling on the volleyball court lately. Losing more than I win, seeing things that my body isn’t quick enough to react to, letting my mind wander to different areas of my life outside the court and realizing (with the help of some of the awesome people I play with) how hard I am on myself. It’s crazy how long it has taken me to absorb this realization. I mean seriously, I’m in the sunshine in January with my feet in the sand and getting my movement in, does anything else really matter? I’m 46 years old, and I’m finally recognizing this conditioning, to always expect more of myself, and then see how chasing that is something that zaps my energy instead of catalyzing it. I know that I am not alone in this boat. We all have our days, some of us more than others, that we are too hard on ourselves, expect more than we should, or set impossible standards instead of recognizing the good and then letting that grounding energy help bring amazing things to fruition in our lives. So the reframe for me lately is this - evolving is way better than aging. Evolving is so exciting it puts a little flutter in my stomach that feels like attraction on the deepest level…like falling in love with yourself and the process you get to invent when you fully embrace your story.
While I’m sure there are hundreds, maybe thousands of ways we can embrace our own evolution as we walk our paths, my meditations have been revealing things to me in fives. So here are five ways I have found to find flow and embrace evolution over aging.
Learn to recognize and work with your state - I have talked a lot about breath work and how to recognize the state of our nervous system. It is fundamental to understanding how we respond and perform in the world. Recognizing our state and learning how to operate and find balance between our sympathetic and parasympathetic response is huge. Having tools under our belts to respond when we are anxious and overwhelmed in sympathetic (fight or flight), or when we have dropped too deep into parasympathetic (rest & digest) state is key to maintaining our energy and to be able to learn and retain new information. This is true at any age, and I have learned so much by raising Matthew and watching him learn and come out of states of hyper vigilance to where he is open and trusting - and then he learns. He is no different than the rest of us and breath is the key. Next time you are feeling overwhelmed slow down and take a deep breath, in through your nose and then an extra long exhale to follow. Take a few if you need to and feel the reset wash over you. If you are feeling sluggish or even low grade depressed…which can look like procrastination or low to no motivation, try breath of fire, it will help bring you back into sympathetic balance.
Value sharing knowledge as a collective experience, not a competition. For all of the difficult things the news cycle is trying its best to overwhelm us with, there is so much good energy and wisdom being spread out there. Podcasts, books, audio books…these are lights that shine through the darkness and perspectives we wouldn’t have taken in if we didn’t have the humility to listen. I’m always amazed at the like minds and cool conversations that cross my path when my I share my interests about growth mindset and generational wisdom and health and wellness. Like attracts like, and as I continue to learn and share daily with these connections, without any feeling of comparison or judgement, it feels light and beautiful. We don’t have to have it all mapped out, we only need to have the awareness to acknowledge the next step and let our interests guide our way.
Shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset. I know that I lived a long time making decisions for what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to feel sad, I didn’t want to be judged by others. But living for what we don’t want pales in comparison to creating what we do! A scarcity mindset keeps our options limited and our circle small. When we shift to an abundance mindset we are free to create and show up in the world without feeling like we are taking away space from anyone else. It stops imposter syndrome in its tracks and helps us find gratitude for our uniqueness. Then we can see clearly to the places where we can show up for other people and also rest in the moments where people show up for us. It produces calm and free flowing energy that radiates through our days.
Allow yourself to be changed by others while setting boundaries for your healthy life. Evolving helps us see what information is helpful and what certain perspectives are meant to bring into our lives. Whether they are intelligence or counterintelligence, they show up for a reason. Sometimes they can even be a little bit of both. Understanding ourselves helps us not to feel so much conflict with what we don’t agree with or stubbornness if we feel the pull of being changed by another. We are here to learn and grow together, self awareness shows us where those connections exists and the confidence we gain by accepting ourselves completely allows us to set proper boundaries to create the life and connections that are meant for us.
Have confidence in what you have to offer, but understand that people have to be in the right place on their path to receive it. This one is huge and has been a pain point in my life more than once. Evolving means creating space for ourselves and others to grow, but understanding that information is taken in at different times, when we are ready, and that we are not always meant to deliver the message. It shows us that we are all at different points on our paths and that sometimes those journeys are coming together and other times they are divergent. The beauty for us is to know that if we stay true to ourselves, connection will always teach something, even if it is the lesson of learning to let go.
These days, my mind and heart are set on finding maximum flow in my life, and in that regard, I’m feeling much better than I have been in the sand lately. Life is full of ebbs and flows, usually I’m telling you about how the court teaches us about life…but maybe this week the flow I’m feeling in life will learn to follow me back to the court. Evolve, find your flow, and pass the good work on to the next generation. It’s the gift that will unite us.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Some more real lyrics for you this week…love the honesty and loyalty in his words
Most days this time of year I click the light on in the morning and it’s usually still dark outside. I have thoughts and words running through my head and they wake me up, even though I’m not sure exactly how they will take shape when I start writing. Writing for me is like giving my brain a massage, it eases the tension in my always thinking mind, it’s part of my routine, and comforting on so many levels. In short, I’ve realized that me writing to you is therapy, and I’m always happy when it connects us or resonates with something going on in your life too.
It’s hit me hard multiple times this week how much life has changed in a year. A day in the life looks so much different than I thought it would right now, and that’s been the case for quite some time. Tensions are high out there, there is fear, stress, and high rates of burnout. As humans we want to connect, have spontaneity in our lives, and know that our actions matter, and, on some level, each of these things is evading us right now. Businesses are under pressure because sick or exposed customers can’t come in, employees are spread thin with so many people out sick, we can’t gather for a night out and a quick trip away from the madness is not an option…and I think somehow we just didn’t think it would all last this long. So I’m back to the drawing board to figure out my thoughts and focus on how can we make it better, for ourselves and for each other.
1.Turn off the news and call your friend. On my walk the other day, it occurred to me that there wasn’t one person without a phone…taking pictures, scrolling, listening to music, and yes, taking in too much of the dreaded 24 hour new cycle. If we are going to have these things embedded in our palms, we may as well use them to find connection. Reach out and show someone that you care about what happened in their day. Ask questions and sit back and listen. Long and deep conversations have been one of the greatest gifts of the past year.
2. Cultivate the energy you want to be around.
It’s hard to do that if we allow ourselves to be controlled by outside forces like the news or social media scrolling that makes us feel distracted, anxious, and negative. No matter how difficult things get out there, everything we need to succeed is already within us.
My focus these days is:
Imagine -> Decide -> Focus -> Fruition
All of that is within my control and it feels free. And freedom is energy.
Create a framework that works for you and focus your energy there.
3. Surrender to what is, it’s the difference between working against the grain and finding flow. Allow yourself to feel what you are fighting against, and then let it go. Right now, changing plans is just part of the process, it’s a great exercise in learning to stay present and flexible. Routine is tricky, it’s something that comforts us one moment, bores us the next, and then just when we think we have a great plan, it gets shut down by things we can’t control. If we have our health, we have what we need to keep moving, even if the way forward wasn’t what we anticipated.
My message is short and hopefully sweet enough for you this week. Don’t burnout. Keep taking care of yourself. Yes, we are locked into a lot of big responsibilities that feel heavy right now. But we’ll get through it with connection, good energy, and knowing when to surrender. We need to create boundaries for ourselves that will keep us undivided. When we stand strong in who we are, we are more equipped to connect with others. We were never meant to go it alone, so if you are feeling lonely reach out. I get it, but know we’ve got this. We’re rounding a corner, I can feel it. A day in this life is what you make it, and there are too many people this year who didn’t get another chance at another day to take one second of sunshine for granted.
And the much anticipated song of the week was as even better than I thought it would be, it really is this simple. Undivided, This one is an instant classic.
I was a Morning in America child of the 80’s. I grew up listening to the news and writing letters to the editor. Today, I read the paper in the morning because I want a glance at what is relevant, but unless a major news alert pops up on my phone, the TV is hardly ever on at my house. Podcasts deliver so much more optimism than the news these days. But there is a problem if we choose not to inform ourselves, because the opposite of empathy is apathy. And a democracy is only as strong as its informed citizens. We need leaders who want to serve, and have empathy for what morning in America feels like right now. We are due for an awakening.
After I finished this amazing talk on Generational Consciousness with Jeri Reeder last Wednesday, my news alerts were buzzing, so I cautiously flipped on the TV. What I saw squeezed my American heart so tight. As my friend Chrissy put it, what I saw at the Capitol was the opposite of evolution, and it sure wasn’t any kind of awakening. And that’s when I picked up my phone and posted this video that resonated with some and upset others, which seems to be standard when you speak your mind about something these days. Some think that when we show emotion, it’s an untethered moment, but for me it was a deep connection to who I am and what I believe. I’m finally comfortable enough with myself and the camera to talk to you guys, instead of just write to you about what I think. When I started out, even writing felt scary, telling you what I thought and felt was intimidating and I just knew someone was judging me…”she needs attention, why doesn’t she just go talk to a friend”…and I cared. But I knew I wanted a record of my thoughts for my kids, I needed to unwind my monkey mind, and hoped to help others in the process, so I pressed on. Imposter syndrome and fear of what you thought of me loomed large. With video, I fought my demons that whispered you have to know everything (as if that’s even possible) to say anything, and you better look good and like your voice before you share a post. I had to learn to recognize and wrestle with self sabotage and give it a name, but that is all part of awakening and what keeps my bare feet on the path of growth. I remind myself often that a life lived with good intention, and what we learn from it, can’t be wrong unless we stop trying. Every day is an opportunity to learn and correct course if the need arises. So I press on, and know my intention is to spread light and inspire other real voices to know and share their own stories, so that we can connect, release shame, and set an example for the next generation… and now that camera doesn’t phase me anymore. I can check that one off my list;)
It feels rough out there right now. This week we have seen a nation in fight or flight. For so many reasons, we don’t feel safe, we do feel isolated, and we’ve seen the worst in humanity magnified in a 24 hour news cycle. We’ve retreated to our corners, pointed fingers and want to have something to blame to make sense of it all, or know that we are right, as if somehow that is going to help us find the safety that we are craving. And while I have opinions and deep disappointments, I feel the calming difference between awakening and activism, so while I don’t have all the answers for the vexing issues and deep divide in our country right now, I know that awakened citizens make better activists. Awakening starts with understanding our state and our story, and helps us move away from dualistic thinking. It allows us to hold space for divergent ideas and not jump to extreme conclusions quickly. It helps us find trust and compassion in our common humanity and pray for each other no matter what our beliefs. It helps us to know that our story isn’t the only story, and teaches us to seek connection instead of comparison when we speak. Awakening helps us see our own conditioning, how we have come to stand in the place we are today, and why we think what we think. Values are stronger tenants for living if we know how we arrived at them. And one thing I know for sure, radical thinking isn’t awakened, it’s fear based, and it sells.
Many people asked when I felt hurt by what went on at the Capitol if I was just as outraged at the riots and looting over the summer, and the short answer is yes. I don’t believe in violence as a means of social justice ever, and I know that in a crowd of many, the extremists will move to the front and find their ten seconds of fame on camera, but that doesn’t change the fact that the damage done at the Capitol was heartbreaking to see. The reason I spoke out on Wednesday was because patriotism and love for this country and it’s institutions are things that run deep in my DNA, even if I am disappointed in corrupted power structures and ego driven leaders. My story includes honorable and decent people who taught me about leadership and civic responsibility that looked nothing like what I see today. We have deep problems in our system from government, to corporate America, to the rise of technology that is outpacing our brains and hijacks our emotions on a daily basis, so what I know to do at this point is work to find presence in a chaotic world.
Here are some ideas, all of which you have heard from me before,
Embrace Solitude: Take a phone break, turn off the TV, stop scrolling and find a quiet corner of the house or take a walk by yourself. Our minds and nervous systems need silence to move us away from fight or flight.
Breathe to Find Presence: Nasal breathing is a game changer. Just four rounds of four second box breathing will activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Inhale four seconds, pause at the top four seconds, exhale four seconds, pause at the bottom four seconds. Or simply take 10 deep breathes, letting your exhale be longer than your inhale. Next time you are feeling stressed by what the world has to offer, stop and breathe.
Move - All of my life I have had a form of play and I don’t know what I’d do without it. For decades, it’s been my go to for stress relief. Whether it’s been running, pilates, swimming, volleyball, or yoga I am always mentally and physically better off than when I started. Find something you like to do and make time for it, it does wonders for completing the stress cycle.
4.Get Adequate Sleep - Ironically, one of the keys to ‘awakening’ is to get enough sleep. When we don’t, our mental abilities and emotional state are negatively affected and we find it more difficult to handle and complete the stress response in our bodies, leaving us irritable and with a weakened immune systems…something we especially don’t need these days.
5. Eat Clean & Hydrate - I’m doing a January cleanse. It’s all about repairing the Gut/Brain connection and flushing the toxins from our body. It helps me sleep better, reduces brain fog, and reduces inflammation. It also helps drop a few pounds. Everything works better and our cells can communicate more efficiently when we eat clean and are hydrated. If you are feeling like you need help in the nutritional arena or want more information let me know!
It’s not about getting all of these things right everyday, we can find grace and progress in the same moment. With so much out of our control and with every new day that still feels raw and unknown, we are better equipped to handle it if we know how to take care of ourselves. Awakening is about finding the presence to live in a world of opposing issues and understand our values at the same time, so we know how to be conscious activists for the issues that mean the most to us. And those issues don’t have to be the same or compared to each other to matter. Morning in America still happens everyday, what does your routine look like? Let’s find ideas we can connect on, and sit down and figure out how to build bridges to talk calmly about the rest. Maybe we the people can show the ‘leaders’ what to do.
I really wish that Tim McGraw’s & Tyler Hubbard’s new song, Undivided, was out to put on this blog…gotta wait until Wednesday. But the lyrics in this song are still speaking to me:)
With love & optimism,
Wendy
While we can all look back and say that 2020 was a year we are happy to see go, it was also the year that taught us about how important human connection is to health and thriving. Technology came through for us in a big way (man, I wish I owned a bunch of Zoom stock pre pandemic) and the simple things like fresh air and long walks became the celebrations, which is probably the way it always should have been. As it always seems to be, challenge teaches us a lot if we choose to reflect, so, here are my hopes for a new normal because I know that there is health and healing ahead for all of us if we choose to invite it.
Come Back Kinder - As much as I want kids to be back learning in the classroom, I have to admit there has been a certain lightness for me as a mom not having to think about “the mean kids”. I have always said that there is no amount you could pay me to return to junior high, and when Matthew started, I hated thinking about the kids who don’t get him. I’ve seen it firsthand throughout his school days, kids can be terribly mean when they see something that looks or processes different than what they are used to, and in so many ways he has thrived at home away from what can be an overwhelming, fight or flight scene at school. My hope is that kids will all have missed socializing together so much, they will look to make friends, and everyone will be met with kindness and connection when they finally get to return. Praying hard for this one. Feel free to join in with me on this prayer:)
Keep growing - I listen to podcasts, read articles and books, and talk with people to expose myself to new thoughts and hear perspectives other than my own. It’s not because I don’t know myself, or lack confidence in what I think, but because this exposure broadens my horizons. Learning is one of the greatest keys to longevity in this life. We are never too old to learn something new and the greatest barrier I have seen to embracing new concepts and ideas, is thinking that other people have more to learn than we do. It’s not a competition, or a scale, but staying set in your ways without investigating new ideas is a fast way to shrink your world and your connection with it. I hope that we can carve out the time to take in new knowledge and perspective no matter what challenges we are facing. Knowledge connects us and helps us find compassion for the experience of others. In the end, it’s a choice.
Get organized - This podcast with James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, is great for the New Year and the quote I loved out of it most was this one:
“ You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Simple genius is my favorite and this one rang loud and clear for me. In any new year, we have an “out with the old, in with the new” mentality. Most of us spend some time organizing and planning for what we want to accomplish. Do you have systems? Healthy life design? How we do the small things is how we do the big things. Where do you want to start? Need help? Let me know:)
Do Power Differently - It starts with ourselves, how we view power and how we claim it. Power as we traditionally think of it in America has been abused and corrupted so much that the word has a negative vibe. I’ve said many times this year, the power structures are broken. Thoughts of trying to fix the structures often overwhelm me and I have to retrace my steps and bring it back down to myself, my thoughts, and my actions. Even my family structure challenges me, without a partner, I feel the weight of power…and the fear of claiming it sometimes. Single parenting is hard, there is no one to back you up. I have a value system I want to teach and uphold and it takes power to convey a message. I’ve learned to stay the course and have the tough conversations because real power is connection, not domination. We all have a purpose, a light that should shine in this world, that doesn’t take away from anyone else and their own light. Imagine if we all claimed our true and authentic power, not to oppress or project on others, or prove that we are right, but to be bold enough to stand in our truth and have the confidence to listen as others do the same. We would create opportunities for ourselves and for others at the same time and we could lift each other up - away from self doubt and gaslighting one another to prove our own truth, and into a place of safety to tell our own story. This is real power, and what I most want to see in leaders today…and we are the leaders.
2020 taught us that gratitude for a roof over our head, food in the fridge, and someone to hug and talk to are among our greatest earthly gifts. How will you honor those gifts in your own life this year? Or offer a hand to someone who struggles to find any of vital needs? How can we be better for ourselves so we can be more helpful to others?
If you are a reader and connector with my words, you can help me. This blog started as an expression for myself, and a place to give insight to my kids when they are old enough to be curious about what their mom was thinking way back when. I have been in the business of growing myself and others for a long time, but 2021 is the year to make it official. I’d be honored if you would share my words or If you or anyone you love needs coaching to find greater calm and connection and better life design to raise your vibration, find deeper health, or more flow in life, I am ready to help. I would love to hear about some of your hopes for 2021! Here’s is to a prosperous 2021, with strong backs that can carry and protect, and soft hearts that are ready to listen and receive.
Here’s my pick for song of the week - it’s a older one - but the lyrics are genius and always put a lump in my throat.
I don’t know if it’s 2020 or the stage of life that I have entered, but there hasn’t been a shortage of reality checks in my life this year. There is a heaviness in my chest that lingers because the most difficult moments haven’t been served directly to me, but so close to my center of gravity that they shake my foundation and leave me with the question: Why them and not me? It’s not a useful question, but it is a human one. From birthdays and sunsets one moment to cancer and car accidents the next, life has a way of being brilliant and then back handing you so fast your head spins.
If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I spend a lot of time sorting out the big questions that life asks us if we listen. I look for beauty in the mundane and the joy in the simplicity of life. But I also look for patterns in my actions, in relationships, and choices that I make, it’s a habit that has come naturally to me since I was the quiet kid who preferred to observe from a distance rather than be the center of attention. I’m thankful for this habit today because I understand in a deeper sense that wisdom is pattern recognition (thanks to this interview with Chip Conley on Finding Mastery back in March) and these patterns are not just something I can learn from but use to reach the next generation.
Nothing teaches us more about life than our own experience if we are willing to wrestle with it, rather than run from it. That comes with learning to befriend our nervous systems and stay in the uncomfortable moments that come to build our resilience. Our stories are full of patterns, and I wonder if we could sit back and observe them, rather than judge them and feel shame, how much easier it would be to learn and change course when we need to. Some patterns are amazing, like Christmas traditions that light up our homes, make us laugh, and bring us together. But the ones that keep me thinking are the ones I want to see change, like the generational patterns that come with alcoholism or cynicism that leave us feeling like we aren’t enough.
What I know today, and I think of it especially when an unexplainable challenge of life hits, is that growth itself is our gift, both to receive and give back to the world. We are blessed to even be able to approach the point in life where we get to ask the bigger questions and choose to move forward in health when we are confronted with the dark side of life. We don’t get to know why our story is what it is to date, but we do get to decide where we go from this moment forward, and I want to honor that privilege with every sunrise, knowing that the only guarantee we have is the present moment and it’s up to us what we are going to make of it. My prayer this holiday season is for these things:
that we can learn to meet each story that comes through our day with curiosity instead of judgment and know that we are all fighting more battles than we show as we walk down the street and buy our coffee at Starbucks.
that we would all have the courage to look inward and be honest with ourselves about who we want to be…imagine the collective healing that would happen.
It may feel scary but honesty is what releases us from the shame we feel about where we have been or why we do some of the things we do that aren’t serving us or moving us forward. We drink, work, scroll, judge, and complain, rather than releasing our burden with a come to Jesus moment of this is where I am today...and it’s ok. Change happens easier when we lock into the potential of what could be, rather than feeling broken because of where we have been.
To become the fullest expression of ourselves, we have to come to a point where we don’t compare ourselves to anyone, don’t assign blame, and do our best to maximize what we have been given. Struggle isn’t something to be ashamed of, it is the depth of our experience that helps us heal, as well as the people we have the courage to share it with. There is not another person on this earth with your unique story. How cool is that? It’s an invitation to do something big from wherever you are standing today.
It’s true that what we are afraid to reveal, we cannot heal. When we find the courage to step out of our own shadow, we will find people who will meet us with a “me too” instead of a “how could you”. Pain is universal, but so is the growth that comes from staring down the difficult moments, leaning into the people that care about us, and deciding that we can do things differently and better. Who do you want to be? Ask the question, and then answer it with tiny changes everyday that will help you get there. The key is to remember that we can forgive ourselves and others, and do better with every moment where we choose to show up present and honest.
Here’s to an optimistic and inspiring 2021, no matter what it brings our way. Sending so much love, enjoy the holidays and being together. Thanks for reading and see you in the New Year!
With Love and Optimism,
Wendy
My song this week comes the joy I got from the live Christmas performance I got to see in Utah. The human spirit is elevated by live music…these were my first chills of the Christmas season and for that I am so thankful.
Photo Credit: @brendacashphotography - Brenda just happened to be taking pictures on the cliff on my birthday, captured this gem, and had the kindness to send it to me. Thank you!!
As I look at the pictures I took on my birthday, I feel pride for what my life has created, for the unique perspective I have on the world, for the things that have transformed in me, and the ways I will continue to grow. The best life is one of constant learning, integrating what serves you, and letting go when it’s time. Parenting, relationships, control, our bodies…there is a beautiful freedom about not fighting the current of life, but instead leaning into it and letting it float you downstream. This is the process that has taught me to forgive, feel stronger, take better care of myself, be more and do less, and understand that we are all worthy without having to prove anything to anybody. I feel this freedom when I move, whether it’s playing volleyball, flowing in yoga, swimming laps, or even just walking and letting my mind go. What I’ve realized about myself is that my executive functioning brain is primed and ready to journal and sort things out on a cognitive level, but my limbic brain holds on to the trauma, the old stories and false truths that I clung to for a long time. For me, movement is where it’s at. It's my release and reset, where my body can learn to live the fullest expression of my story. So while I am not chasing youth, I am fully invested in taking care of what I have so that I can move through this life as long as possible.
This week, as I started my 47th year of life, I started to think about the things that make us wiser instead of older. When I was playing volleyball the day before my birthday, I made a joke about how I wouldn’t trade my 46 year old body for my 22 year old brain. But maybe the trick is to learn to integrate and maximize where we can. So how do we do that?
1. Sleep - I’ve said it before, it’s the foundation of our success. It boosts our immune system, helps us store memories and things we learned, promote tissue repair, reduce inflammation, and help us manage our moods and our stress better. Here are some ideas to help you sleep better:
* Set a consistent sleep and wake time. When we go to sleep and wake up at the same (or close to the same) time every day, our body is able to maintain it’s internal clock, or circadian rhythm. This makes it easier for us to fall asleep and wake up unassisted.
* Seek the morning light & the evening sunset. This is another sleep/wake habit that I practice regularly. The morning light coaxes your system awake. Walk outside within minutes of getting out of bed and you will find your mood and energy for the day lifts easily. Watching the sunset adjusts allows your body to begin processing that bedtime is near.
* Skip the blue light at least two hours before bed. Blue light blocks melatonin, the hormone that helps us fall asleep. This is by far the hardest one to stick to for me. With the presence of our phones and laptops in life, it’s hard to stay away from blue light for two hours before bed. But if we do, we sleep better and have a better shot at getting ample REM and deep sleep that are key for learning and recovery.
* Skip the late night snacks - Intermittent Fasting taught me about how much better I sleep when I don’t have food in my stomach that needs to digest. If we make our last intake at least three hours before going to bed, our heart rate lowers quicker and we get a sounder nights sleep.
* Skip the alcohol - My Oura ring (best sleep tracking device ever!) has taught me what alcohol does to our sleep cycle. When we drink, our heart rate lowers later in the night, preventing us from getting enough Deep and REM sleep. We may feel like we fall asleep faster or even “pass out” but the sleep in this state is not restful.
* Skip the snooze button, or the alarm altogether. I have always hated the alarm clock and the sleep that we get after we hit the snooze button isn’t quality sleep. Since college, I have left my curtains or shades slightly open so that the morning sunlight will come through and gently wake me. Only if there is a plane to catch at an ungodly hour do I set an alarm.
2. Let go of binary thinking - The older we get, the more we learn that life is not a black and white place. It takes maturity to let in the shades of gray, to admit that a story has multiple sides. So rather than judging someone is wrong, consider that it’s possible that more than one person is right. Basically, there is a little truth in a lot of things, so you may as well learn from a different perspective and avoid being the cynic in the room. If you feel threatened by someone’s truth, slow down and ask yourself why. It’s nearly guaranteed that you don’t know the whole story. When we feel that need to criticize or judge, it’s usually an indication that it’s something we need to work on for ourselves. You can be honest with yourself without feeling shame, so breathe, listen, trust your instincts, and embrace curiosity instead of fear.
3. Forget Habits, Embrace Practice - For a long time, I created good habits that would help me create structure and take care of myself and the people I loved. The short side of this focus though, especially if you have some perfectionist tendencies, is that if you fall short for a day, or a week, or a year, it can be shame inducing. And nothing drains our energy to push forward more than shame. Yoga taught me to view my entire life as a practice…to show up ready to grow and flow, and then when I falter, to integrate that wobble, extra movement, or even a fall into my day without letting it define me. Practice allows us to evolve, improvise, and trust ourselves a little more each day. Then we can make a habit of getting better every day.
4. Let your expression of wholeness be greater than the sum of your parts. As I closed out Friday afternoon with a beautiful sunset near the Manhattan Beach Pier taking a volleyball class with six women, I had this thought. As an athlete, I will always believe in solid fundamentals, and even keep working on them where I stand today, I love the challenge. But my body was struggling to do the little things right, get the deep bend in my knees, not wobble on my feet, set with my legs…when I break the skills down into basics, there are so many things I struggle with because my body is lopsided, stronger on the left than it is on the right because of a age old ankle injury. But when I trust, and let my instinct take over, my body knows what it can do for itself, blending all of its strength and limitation. And that’s when I can get a one handed dig at the back of the court and get a transition hard angle kill that lands in, right on the line. Learning to trust our instincts helps us have confidence in ourselves. No one is going to do things exactly like you can, and our strengths and vulnerability make up our own sense of what is whole.
Adding another year to life is about finding YOUR way, with grace, and ease. Don’t fight it, embrace it with all of it’s imperfection because, as my sweet friend Jeri reminded me this week…hope and fear are two sides of the same coin. I’m rooting for hope as I start my 47th year on this earth, and I feel it winning with every sunrise.
Some of the best things that have come out of 2020 are great artists with double album releases - here’s my choice for song of the week this week. Hope you enjoy!
With love & optimism,
Wendy
“I woke up this morning, after a night of restless sleep, with these words in my head. The place we have arrived this holiday season, with restaurants closed, small businesses fighting to keep their doors open, and with no hope of kids going back to school in January is not ok. It’s not ok to waste a year of education on Zoom. It’s not ok for leaders to tell people they have to stay home and then jet off in private planes or dine in the fanciest restaurants. It’s not ok to have random temperature checks be a sign of safety but not let people who healthy lifestyles play recreational sports in open air and live their lives. It’s not ok for the Saints to get fined and lose a draft pick for celebrating their win in the locker room with no masks on when they just played and entire game together with no masks. It’s not ok to keep college students off campuses and away from high level, in person education when they have virtually no risk of dying from COVID. It’s not ok to cut the sports that have been an integral part of building their discipline to this point of their young life. It’s not ok to give small businesses guidelines, have them invest large amounts of money to keep people “safe” only to shut them down again. It’s not ok for people not to be able to make their own choices about what is too risky for them and their family. We can wear masks, we can social distance, but we need to be able to assess our own risk and make our own choices and let the our own sense of civic duty and compassion inform those decisions. Yes, that sounds like the great unknown, but that’s what life is, every day is a calculated risk, and every human has their own barometer on that. We’ve we’ve been living together for millennia, through droughts, plagues, and natural disasters. The problem is the culture of fear that has been created is turning people against each other rather than instilling a sense of community.
Back in March when this all started, they warned of the hospitals filling up, they brought in the hospital ship down by Long Beach and marked its arrival with a big ominous freeway sign that said there was no access to it, it handled some non-Covid patients, but then where did it go? The last article I can find on it was in August. Cases are rising, but more people are being tested. It’s not ok to just give numbers of positive test cases and not talk about survival rates - under 70 99.6%, over 70 96.4%.
What is keeping me up at night is that I want to live in a place where actions matter and leadership follows the same rules that they make for the people. We are drowning in a sea of unintended consequences from mental health issues, domestic violence, and so many other unhealthy choices because people are forced away from the lives they have worked for that no government program is going to help save. I’m ready for government to stop trying to just keep me alive and instead let me live.” - My Instagram post from 12/3
I made this post for two reasons: I felt like it needed to be said, and, I was feeling energetically and creatively blocked from holding it all in.
It’s not like me to lament any state of affairs and not be mindful of providing some thought on solutions. But I had obviously far exhausted the appetite for words for most anyone in an Instagram post. So as I hit post, I promised my newly liberated self (man it felt good to get that off my chest) that I would spend some time thinking about ways that we can do better.
We have to move and breathe to release our stories into the world. A month or two back, I wrote a blog on mindful politics because I’ve spent a lot of time learning about how our nervous systems create our reactions to the world. I never knew the activated state that my marriage, the near death experience of my youngest, and so many other stories from my life had me living in day to day. I didn’t understand why, after a lifetime of engaging in political thought and writing letters to the editor, that I had to literally turn off the TV and bough out of the conversation and, until I discovered the breath to movement of yoga, and then learned more about breathing to manage stress, I couldn’t reengage. As out of control as 2020 has felt, I am grateful that I have a breath and mindfulness practice that will bring me back to the present moment and help me feel safe in my own body. It occurs to me that the more sympathetically activated we get, with all that feels out of our control these days, the more difficult it is for us to listen and relate to each other, and the quicker we are to react and compare. So, with everything out of our control, the first thing we can do to heal our wounds as a nation starts with ourselves and our own routines. What are you doing to deactivate, learn to respond instead of react, and become a better listener? Think about it because there is individual and collective healing in your answer. When we’ve lost faith in our leaders, we have to have the skills, confidence, and common sense to come back to ourselves, build connection one conversation at a time, and let that connection radiate from there. That means being able to dialogue with people who have completely different experiences and opinions than our own, and we have to do the work to seek those out. When we find them, we need to assess our state, and settle in to be receptive to the experience.
We do not need to know everything to say something. To be empowered as a nation, we have to empower ourselves. Life long learning is a key to longevity and I always have my nose in a book, newspaper, or my ears on a new podcast. But something that I have corrected in myself recently is the notion that to say anything in a public space, I needed to know everything...about everything. This idea really hit home listening to this conversation on Finding Mastery. I highly recommend that you listen to the whole thing, but the idea that brought tears to my eyes and made me go deeper was the idea leveraged by NYT best selling author, Shea Serrano (around minute 16) that all of our issues and stories, exist at the same time, in this national narrative. I have often felt that it wasn’t my turn to speak, because I know that there are things worse than my own experience. I understand deeper, because of this conversation, that my feelings are ones of political imposter syndrome. If I speak out on the struggles of small business, single motherhood, or autism because those are true to my story, it doesn’t take space away from other vitally important discussions like race or global warming. It’s abundance mindset meets the political world and we need more understanding on that. It’s incumbent on us to speak our truth, and then listen and let others speak theirs. Connection is going to be found one by one, group by group, and community by community…don’t shut anyone out, don’t be afraid of their story. Just find calm, settle in, and listen. Maybe if we could all start doing this, we could get Washington and state governments to follow our lead.
Lastly, find gratitude. As I have felt my activation rise over the past week, I take 12-20 minutes and create my own gratitude meditation, but maybe you just want to start with two, that’s ok;) Mine starts with the faces of each of my four kids, then the roof over my head and the floor under my feet, my coffee maker and refrigerator full of food. I envision every good thing in my life, one by one. It stabilizes and calms my monkey mind and when I open my eyes, I am unstuck. I’ve said it so many times before, gratitude is a game changer.
When you spend a lot of time trying to be liked by others you end up losing yourself. Your story is unique and deserves to be told. It plays into your relationships, how you carry yourself in the world, and influences the very fabric of our nation. For us to thrive as Americans it is imperative that we cultivate our best intention, inform ourselves by taking in a diversity of stories and opinions, and last but not least, find the courage to speak about our own. I, for one, am here to listen. Because these stories inform not just our own consciousness, but that of the next generation, and there is nothing that I want to do more right by, or have more hope for, as we look to close out this challenging year.
No matter what you think about the thousands of different issues that affect our every day lives, these lyrics hit the nail on the head. If it triggers something in you, breathe and sit with it for a minute, and then listen to the podcast that I mentioned above, or this short video that I made on Friday;) There are no sides, there are only stories, and the better we understand all of them, the better off as a world we will be.
With love and optimism,
Wendy
