I had to close the newspaper this week. Actually, I wish it was a real newspaper, because I still prefer that to the blue light from my iPad or phone, but when I moved to So Cal I had to give that up because it wasn’t delivered early enough for me to get through it before my kids woke up.
My television news hasn’t been on in awhile either. There’s nothing “new” about it. The same doom and gloom and fear-mongering of the next variant are on constant repeat. It makes me wonder how many people are numb to the news, or worse, letting it sink into their consciousness, impact their nervous system, and ground them in a fear based mentality that doesn’t lead anywhere good.
So much this week felt like a preemptive strike before there was any news to report. Phrases like “it may” or “yet to be determined” were followed by the a destabilizing message meant to instill panic. CNN’s own Leana Wen says “We MUST act as if Omicron is the worst-case scenario,” while Dr. Angelique Coetzee, chair of the South African Medical Association, calls the "nu" Covid-19 variant, a series of "very mild cases" and akin to "a storm in a teacup." It confuses and panics people and none of this reporting aims to support a resilient mindset. Omicron lurks, the financial markets take massive swings daily, and Big Pharma stock prices soar. Living in fear like this isn’t the American mindset I grew up with. And worse, the narrative for the next generation will never produce a strong society that knows how to weather troubled times. There is an old adage that goes like this:
“ Hard times create strong men; strong men create good times; good times create weak men; and weak men create hard times.”
Where do you think we are now? And how can we support each other through it?
And yes, I would substitute women for men in in this quote in a heartbeat…our intuition, intellect, and strength are at the heart of human thriving.
Everything I have personally worked through and learned about getting better, healing, and learning to thrive in relationship with others, is contrary to the narrative that has taken over the headlines. There is no silver bullet for a healthy life and no quick-fix solution. In order to thrive under challenging conditions, we must take ownership of our lives, our health, and our relationship to and with others. The better we know ourselves, the better we can assess the risks in our own lives and make smart, informed choices that set a good example. Holding ourselves accountable is the first step before we can share our choices with others.
A fear-based mindset is never going to allow us to look inward to see what we can discover about the strongest version of ourselves. I posted about that very thing this week, and I think everyone who holds themselves accountable can meet and exceed a “better 1% at a time” goal if they are willing to do the work.
To live in fear is the opposite of loving your neighbor. Our healthcare and front line workers are the best examples of that. Think of how many put themselves in harms way during the darkest parts of the pandemic, and who stare down that choice of being between a rock and a hard place daily. TIme and again, they choose love over fear every single day. That’s the American spirit and mindset I am familiar with.
I want to be strong to be able to help anyone who needs it, and I’ve worked incredibly hard for that ability. Should I end up in a situation where I am the one in need of help, I hope that my track record would produce people in my life that would show up for me. Those are the kinds of relationships I know we can foster, and I love helping others forge them. In short, the life I aspire to have isn’t sick and driven by fear, but by love…it surpasses wellness, and aims to thrive.
So what’s the difference?
In my eyes, I see the journey to health as a continuum, not a point of arrival and definitely not something that can be attained by living in fear. The first step of a lifelong goal is often the most difficult, but if we are not willing to take that step, how can we go the distance and live the life we are destined to live? We are all born to thrive, but thriving takes risk and a deep love for ourselves and others.
I gave some thought to what the sickness to thriving continuum looks like and came up with this:
Sickness - We feel fully dependent on others, don’t understand where our strength comes from, and look to others to help us understand or solve problems. There’s no accountability, and rarely will there ever be. We feel helpless and scared.
Moving Toward Wellness - We can manage on our own and value our independence, sometimes to a fault. We keep the focus on ourselves, our own routines and progress, and manage our own lives, but often without the understanding of how we affect or could help others in the big picture. This is moving in the right direction, but is arguably a very selfish phase. It only helps the individual.
Thriving - We can manage our own feelings, understand our strengths and weaknesses, ask for help where we need it, and add to the lives of others. We can see what is ours to own and work on, and what strengths we have to be able to lead. This is where servant leaders shine, those who help uplift others to see their full potential and can help them achieve their goals together. This is where building community can occur, and that benefits everyone involved.
I’ve lived this continuum, even struggled with it at times, and am grateful for the community of people this clarity has brought to my life. One of these connections helped by collaborating with me on my blog this week. Joey Mitchell has a sharp, deep thinking brain, and a true story of resilience that inspires me to make the most of every day. The quote noted at the bottom of his email goes like this, and sums up one of my favorite qualities in people so well:
“The whole problem with the world is that fools
and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
and wiser people so full of doubts.”
~Bertrand Russell
The beauty of not being sure is that we are always seeking knowledge, but that shouldn’t make us afraid to speak of what we’ve discovered. Joey embodies these qualities and I was grateful to have his sharp, knowledge-seeking brain contribute here this week.
The parallels between the current mainstream narrative and codependent relationships run through my head daily. How many times have I learned that the way forward is to handle your own business, that you can’t control other people? And how many times have we each re-learned how to let go of what is truly out of our hands? I also know that when we are afraid, we make decisions that make us live smaller, squander our potential, and even keep us in relationships that hinder our growth.
Think of what the news tells people on a national basis: “Be afraid,” “we may shut you down again,” “you don’t have control over your life and your own destiny.” This doesn’t produce a society that cares for one another and promotes health, it turns people against each other and makes them more protective of themselves and ultimately they get tired and look for someone or something to come and save them. Life is full of risks, it’s impossible to plan and prioritize for just one.
I don’t want to play small, think small, or be small and create a society that isn’t equipped to support each other. Not being sick isn’t enough to ask of this American life, we are all capable of thriving, but it starts with the mindset that produces our culture. We write our own stories, we connect by sharing them, and when we thrive, we bring those willing to listen and discuss them by forging community, and that’s when we really show how much we care for one another. The current narrative leaves people out in the cold waiting for someone to come deliver a blanket that won’t cover their feet. As imperfect as we are as individuals and a country, nothing great will happen if we don’t celebrate common values and work from our strengths to build something greater together. The stories from the mainstream media do not do that.
I’ve learned, that to be an American is to understand the subtle differences between freedom and liberty. While I value my freedom, I understand the beauty of liberty even more. Liberty is living with freedom in our hearts and minds, but having an understanding about how those choices impact others. Understanding, celebrating, and exercising liberty as Americans can only happen when we are moving toward thriving on the wellness continuum. The closer we are to thriving, the clearer that picture will be, and the more we can encourage others not just to merely to survive, but to truly live.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Perfect song from my 2021 Spotify Favorites;)
The Olympics have me deeper into TV and news than usual. As always, there is so much to cheer for, be proud of, and inspire us for whatever our game of life looks like, and the one thing I know for sure is that we never know the whole story of the journey that put any of us in the shoes we wear today. The same goes for these athletes. Whether it’s Simone Biles withdrawal from competition, Caleb Dressel’s medal stack and the vulnerability he showed in one of his post race interviews admitting how hard this past year has been, or the unbelievable story of Jake and Taylor’s beach volleyball partnership as it became Jake & Tri and they took the court for their first match with only two practices under their belt, the story behind the story is always what interests and inspires me more than any medal or result. These athletes remind us of what is possible, but their road comes with intense pressure and grind that only few in the world can understand. I hope that what comes from this Olympic experience, played out under the most unimaginable circumstances, without fans and families, and indecisive tests that can end the road for them in an instant, is an awareness for the need for support from early in a promising athlete’s career. The task of developing a whole person in the vacuum of trying to becoming the best in the world is immense, but the real lessons we learn from the success and failure we experience as athletes have the potential to create amazing human beings.
In this day and age, athletes at the Olympic level are intimately tied to the business of sport with endorsements, financial gain, and their livelihood is on the line. Consistent greatness comes with a price tag and the financial distress that can come with having an Olympic dream is immense. I’ve heard it quoted on my favorite podcast that the average Olympian finishes their Olympic run $150,000 in debt. These stories have been a reminder to me this week that no one is meant to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and none of us can reach our potential alone, even the best in the world. The struggles we have seen become part of their heroes journey and show us that success doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Watching the American medley relay team, made up of four American teenage girls, support their anchor who missed out on the gold by .13 seconds was an inspiring picture of what support from the inside looks like. No matter what the story, how can we integrate the whole process of becoming instead of holding the physical performance, the end result, and mental health as separate parts where one has to be sacrificed for another? As spectators, we can meet the stories of these high performing athletes with empathy and compassion knowing the kind of pressure they are under and the inspiration they provide for us. And then I realize that if we did that every day with everyone we meet, how much greater the connection with the people around us would be. If people feel like they have to watch out for themselves because no one else has their back, human connection and our sense of humanity is lost.
People say to me all the time, you are so open with your blog and what you write about. I write to clear my head, and so my kids will have an idea of what their mom was thinking about. I don’t want to be a mystery to them when they reach an age where it becomes relevant to their experience. My greatest hope is that it helps them understand themselves better even if I’m not around. I want them to understand that they are so much more than what they accomplish or do in a day. Armed with the understanding that not everyone has earned the right to know everything, vulnerability and candor have helped me create connection with people that inspire and teach me from the highest levels of sport and have helped me learn more about myself and the world. I can’t imagine keeping it locked up inside, it’s the greatest reason I have for my optimism.
What I have learned in my life is that success stories are not perfect pictures, they are real, marred by cuts and scraps and even deep daggers to our hearts that change us, the question becomes will we have the courage to wrestle with what lies beneath that story and will we be the ones who choose not to judge the stories of others that we think we understand even though we have never walked a mile their shoes. These Olympics are the games that will inspire me for all the reasons that they have since 1984, and for so many new reasons because of the struggling humanity that is on display. The better we know ourselves, our boundaries become clear, and we meet the stories we encounter with more compassion and less judgment, and that is a win every single time. This last year and a half has shown us how independently strong we are and in the same moment how much we need each other for connection and growth…it’s not an either/or proposition. We are never alone in the struggle if we have the courage to let it be seen.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
It’s less about what our story is, and more about what we do to honor it. This is the line I have come up with to silence the voice in my mind when I start to think about how many other life stories are more challenging than my own. Without that reframe, that comparative line of thinking makes me live a little smaller, feel less deserving, and shrink my own voice. It puts a tightness in my voice, my life, and even in my body that doesn’t feel good. It worries what other people think of me, magnifies what I’m afraid of, isn’t what I want to teach my kids, and definitely doesn’t maximize potential. In short, it isn’t the abundance mindset that I have consciously battled to embrace. The good news is the growth is in the noticing and being able to reframe quicker each time the thought is there.
This week I walked into therapy thinking I didn’t have much to say…and then I talked nonstop for an hour, and it felt like five minutes. It was a stream of consciousness, and Mary didn’t have to say too many words, at the end she said: “I hope you found this helpful.”
The answer was yes, she has a calm and wise spirit and the words she does say are meaningful and inspired. Not to mention it helps me to hear someone say:
“Wow, Wen, you are balancing a lot.”
That’s a thought I don’t let in very often but it reminds me why I put so much effort into taking care of myself and how much I appreciate my abilities and my life.
It does us no good to compare our stories to other people, and the things I have researched, practiced, and stayed consistent with for my mind, body, and spirit have produced improved health and healing in my life that not only benefit me, but my relationships, and the world….I love the idea of the ripple effect. Regardless of circumstances in life, the healthiest among us are rooting for everyone to succeed. I’ve heard so many times that our thoughts are a culmination of the the five people we spend the most time with and while that has its roots in the truth, I think there is an extension from there. How we think and act is also affected by entire communities of people that we spend time with, lean on, and relate to. Their habits, mindsets, and choices have a direct effect on our own. Do they offer the right amount of challenge and support? Do they let us off the hook too easily? Are their habits and ideas things that inspire us that we can learn from and even emulate? Are they people we are able to speak our minds with while they hold space instead of judge us, or worse, cancel us altogether?
I have researched and practiced a lot of self care over the past five years and my go too people in these communities have become dear friends that I love because of the genuine connection we have made over our common interest in using the mind/body/spirit connection to become better people on and off the court. I can’t wait to show you the insight that I have captured with them on some new video conversations coming soon. As Lauren put it to me yesterday when I stood up from lunch at The Source in Hermosa Beach, and l let out more than a sigh because of a calf strain I’ve been struggling with,
“Well mom, you’re pushing 50 and work out like a 20 year old…she has a point, but I also know that everywhere I went this past week, the same words from my wellness community that support this habit of mine were the same:
“We are creating space.”
Most of the time that meant in my joints and tissues…breaking up adhesions and facia that are pulled tight because of my wonky body mechanics from old injuries that I choose to play through. So, I show up in these places and ask for help to unwind the tightness and give me a little more space…and every time they create space in my body, it creates more space in my mind and then for the other people in my life. It’s a win/win/win, no selfishness about it.
So this week I’m considering all the ways that I have learned to create more space in my body and my life for greater peace of mind, calmer conversation, and deeper connection and growth because the gratitude I feel to be able to learn from these ways of being, teach them to others, and live in this place is immense and energizing.
Ways to Create More Space in Your Body & Your Life
Body
Stretch - I’ve said it before, we store our emotions in our bodies so if we don’t take the time to stretch them out, the less space we will have.
Breathe - If you take 10 deep breathes in and out, and are honest with yourself, you will feel the physical and mental space created by the down shift of your nervous system. Real healing that doesn’t cost a dime.
Yoga - Combine my first two suggestions and it will lead you to a your mat, a place where body and mind come together and infinite calm and potential are accessible at the same time.
Train Your Eyes - Choose where you fix your gaze. What we choose to look at can be expansive or constrictive. Focus on the moments, people, and energies that bring calm and enhance your day. I’ve noticed it countless times in the middle of a workout. When we challenge ourselves physically but focus on positive images and thoughts, we have greater stamina. Do that same exercise but think something negative and our ability to push through drops dramatically.
Sleep - When we are sleep deprived, we have a harder time staying present, and worry and even anxiety/depression have a chance to set in and take away space. Sleep is the foundation of health and where our tissues repair and inflammation dissipates.
Hydrate - On a cellular level, our body cannot communicate with our brain as well if we are dehydrated. This can leave us feel anxious, stressed, and unfocused.
Soft Tissue Work - Our bodies create compensating patterns over time. Find a specialist like a chiropractor or massage therapist who can unwind what is bound up in your tissues.
Acupuncture & Cupping - These two things combined create more space in our bodies by deactivating a heightened nervous system and ushering toxins out of our bodies. It’s been a go to game changer for me.
Reiki - Infuse your body and physical space with calm healing energy. I practice it on myself almost daily.
Foam Rollers & Hypervolt - a small investment compared to ongoing massage and chiropractic care but highly effective and creating space in the body if you use them regularly.
Expose yourself to Infrared and Near Infrared light - there is so much new science documenting the benefit of exposure to this healing light. From improved sleep, healthier skin, better cellular turnover, reduced inflammation, and other benefits, if it’s in your budget, it’s a long term care strategy that works. And better health always creates more space in our bodies, minds, and spirits.
Life
Banish Multitasking - It takes us away from being present, stops us from noticing our habits and thought patterns, and makes us less effective instead of more. When we are trying to stuff too much into the minutes of our day, we are definitely short changing ourselves on space.
Set your clocks ahead 10 minutes - I’ve been doing this for as long as I’ve been in charge of a clock, and it’s the most practical way I know to create more space. Being late makes us anxious and rushed and takes away from a conscious process (not to mention the effect it has on other peoples space). Set the clock ahead, leave early, and enjoy the time on the back end to take a few deep breathes before the next space in your day.
Take phone breaks - Walk away from your phone for any amount of time. Let’s face it, these days it’s a challenge, it’s our second brain and the dopamine push that keeps us slightly unsatisfied and coming back for more. Without it in our hand, it is far easier to be present.
Identify your fears, and then figure out how you will push past them - fear will show up from time to time. The problem comes when we let them dominate us. Once we have identified our fear, what small thing can we do to begin to push past? It doesn’t have to happen overnight, but it does have to be actionable.
Spend time alone - For me this time is usually in the early morning, you’ve heard it said, win the morning, win the day and I’ve found that to be true. I heard on this podcast this week about Unwinding Anxiety that a 2014 study showed that people would rather shock themselves than sit alone with their thoughts. As an introvert, I love my alone time, but I have felt the scary place of being alone and feeling stuck. The challenge is to peel pack the layers of that space and not turn away from it by distracting yourself with something else.
Create a mindfulness practice - I do mine daily in front of my Joovv Infrared Light - oops, I guess that does count as multitasking, but it seems to be a great exception.
Make choices based on the alignment of your vision and values - Say no to things that make you busy but don’t align with that. If you don’t know your vision and values start journaling, take this quiz, or talk with a therapist or coach to help you figure them out.
With so many different stories, opinions, and options out there, the space we create for ourselves creates a calmness that can bring us closer together. With space comes intention, presence, and the ability to see clearly where we are meant to connect and create in our world. I started down this road to help my youngest child and ended up learning things that serve any of us who want to continue to get better, at sports or life, because the game plan isn’t all that different. I’m headed for Atlantic City next week for some more volleyball, and have a new website coming soon full of resources to help parents, athletes, and coaches connect and get better - body, mind, and spirit. Stay tuned, can’t wait to show you.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
And of course, music always creates more space in my life…so here’s a good one for this week.
Our bodies are containers for our emotions, and when I move, mine like to spill out. It’s why I tear up frequently on my yoga mat, feel the greatest joy on the volleyball court, or have felt the salt or chlorine water absorb my tears without anyone else ever seeing them. I shutter to think what my mind and body would feel like without the sports I love because over time, without release, those emotions harden and take up space in our joints, tissues, and muscles in ways that cause us physical pain and hinder our performance and relationships over a lifetime. I’m often amazed that even though I do feel the aging process, my body and mind feel better than they did ten or fifteen years ago. Maybe it’s because I sleep better without babies in the house (COVID has keep the teenage late nights to a minimum), but the more I move, the more confidence I build in myself and my life plan and find the energy to move it forward every day. It’s why I am passionate about teaching younger people that sports aren’t just about what we do with our bodies, but how we connect them to our minds and our spirits that enrich our lives in ways that are hard to explain the first time we pick up a ball or dive in a pool. Life can be tough from a young age, and the neurotransmitters released in our brains when we move play a huge role in regulating our mood and teaching us how to manage our stress. Not only does movement allow us to release our emotions, the connection it builds between our mind and our body develops our creative space where some of the worlds greatest inventions and philosophies are born. So often I wish I could invent a transcriber for the thoughts I have when I play volleyball, practice yoga, or swim laps. Especially for athletes, breath to movement is active meditation that allows us to find the place we belong in this world. Flow induces some of the greatest ideas and story connections that retreat to the farthest reaches of my brain when I return to sedentary life. I’ve taken to using my voice recorder on my phone to try and get a few of these thoughts down just as I finish because it’s in those moments that my insides and my outsides come closest to matching, and that is one of my favorite feelings in the world.
Alignment, it’s something that every human is looking for whether they realize it or not. That feeling of freedom to be who we are, without shame, guilt, expectation, or the need for validation happens when the way we feel on the inside and the way we are understood from the outside match. It’s the place where we live out our purpose, we stop blaming other people for our feelings and experiences, and learn to take responsibility for our own life. I’m confident that if more of us could find it, there would be a lot less addiction in the world…from drugs, to alcohol, even social media and video games, because we find that space of feeling safe being exactly who we are and the comfort we find being in our skin becomes a rewarding experience. Even just moments of alignment give us a visionary’s point of view on our lives, then what other people think or do matters less to us and we organically find humans that are meant to be in our space to support us.
By this point, we know that there is no life that is untouched by trauma, but the upside to that troubling fact is that there is no greater catalyst for growth than pain. Pain shows up to motivate us to do something…stop drinking, lose weight, exercise more, whatever that next right thing is…just do it. But since I know it’s not as easy as Nike made it sound, here are some things I’ve learned about healing along the way:
From a traumatized place, it’s hard to imagine what a healing, more confident, and trusting version of ourselves looks like, so do the next right thing, take just one more step, you don’t have to conquer it all at once. Make small promises to yourself that you will keep and build trust one decision at a time.
Don’t ask too many questions of others about what that next step is, learning to trust our own intuition is part of the healing process, especially if you have been surrounded by doubters. I know this from experience, and while I have made tons of progress, I still find myself second guessing sometimes only to realize that my first instinct was the right one.
Start to dedicate time to relationships that feed your growth and distance yourself from people that create a drained feeling in your space. Don’t be surprised if it feels selfish or you take that criticism from others…this healing version of you is going to feel different, to you and to them.
Take care of yourself on a cellular level. Mediation, a breath practice, good quality sleep, hydration and nutrition make a difference in the way your mind and body communicate. Recently, I’ve added red light therapy from JOOVV to my recovery routine too - and the difference I feel (and can even document because of my Oura Ring HRV data) is incredible. More calm, sustained energy, better movement on the court, and the added benefit of healthier skin and better sleep make this product one of the best investments I’ve made in my health yet. The better our body and mind can communicate, the more gentle our healing journey will be.
Don’t let other people define you. We carry around ideas in our head about our own disposition based on outdated ideas from what people have told us our whole life. The truth is no one knows us better than we know ourselves, and if we have a gut feeling that something needs to change, we have to trust ourselves enough to listen and change it. If you think you should speak up more, do it. Turn scary into invigorating and make it happen. Healing is found in breaking the mold of how we have responded to life up until we decided those responses were leading us astray.
Learning to hold complicated emotions without bailing out by numbing or lashing out is a maturity process that is life changing. Don’t run away or numb your feelings, not only does it keep us from finding alignment, so much generational pain is caused when we take that road. Deeper understanding and better relationships are on the other side of this commitment to yourself. Breathe through the discomfort, we are always stronger than we first understand.
As a kid, 4th of July was my favorite holiday outside of Christmas. It was swimming pools, popsicles, and pool parties. It’s changed a lot over the years, I’ve found myself missing the volleyball tournaments that dominated the last five 4th of July’s (minus COVID of course). The South Bay has it’s own style of the 4th that isn’t exactly mine, but I’m happy tucked in, watching Wimbledon, and wishing all of you a happy and healthy 4th filled with the kind of celebrations that make this country a better place for every American. Being the optimist that I am, I know that we will be a fit, strong, and healed country if we can figure out how to move and breathe through all of this together.
With optimism,
Wendy
And some happy lyrics for your 4th…. God Bless America!
Photo Credit: @sarahdemuthphotography
It just so happens this year that we get to celebrate Matthew’s birthday and Mothers Day on the same weekend. In honesty, birthdays bring up a certain nostalgia and sadness that I have to acknowledge, but the cool thing is, as quickly as I have learned to recognize that feeling and admit it’s there, it disappears and I’m left with gratitude for everything there is to celebrate. This past year has reinforced the fact that there isn’t one way to be happy, or that we need to buy into the expectation of what life or a certain day was meant to look like. If the last year has taught me anything, it’s that having health and the ability to move freely around our world and make decisions for ourselves is a gift in itself, and the way to honor that is to live honestly in the moment, even if it has some times of discomfort or looks different than we thought it would.
The truth is, life is never about the expectation of one day and how it is supposed to look. It’s the culmination of a million moments and how we choose to show up in them, and the relationships and experiences we create because of the way we most often express ourselves. It’s learning how to work through fear, trauma, and insecurity to uncover a stronger, more resilient version of ourselves. It’s looking for the reason to be grateful in every situation. We aren’t going to get every moment right, there are going to be times of lost patience, faltered perseverance, and doubt…but if we don’t give up and have the courage to be honest with ourselves and admit and learn from our mistakes, what once we thought was a misstep turns into the journey down our greatest path.
When I think back, I am reminded of all that I haven’t known over the years… like what to do when Matthew wasn’t talking or moving like the other kids did at that age, or who to call or tell that I was scared in those moments. Usually it came out in those predawn runs with my girlfriends in our old neighborhood. He will be fine they would reassure me…and I would take the next step, call the doctor or next therapeutic intervention to make sure that they were right. The irony of life is that the wiser we become, the more we realize we don’t know. Once we realize this, not knowing doesn’t have to be a source of insecurity, but rather a confidence booster because we know we have the ability to adapt to whatever is ahead of us.
Last night, I sat in a quiet house, exhausted from too many nights of less than ideal sleep because of all the not knowing and newness that is stirring in my brain. Thank God that hot yoga has come back in full force…I can feel the calm grounded feeling starting to set in after just a few days in a row. New projects, new beginnings, and another year where no matter what has happened, nothing has taken away the greatest experience my life has ever known…being a mom to this amazing 14 year old boy and the incredible siblings that came before him that have modeled love, compassion, and resilience in a way I never could have imagined. Real living is going to toss us around and ask us if we know which way is up…stay with it, don’t fight it, surrender to what is instead of what you thought it had to be, because when we do, that’s when the beauty appears.
Happy Birthday Matthew, thanks for giving me a Mother’s Day to celebrate. I couldn’t be more proud of the independent, expressive, animal loving young man that you have become. Keep doing what you do… showing up, caring and teaching us that the effort and honesty we put into life will create the path we get to walk.
With optimism,
Wendy
My favorite from Kenny Chesney’s new album out this week - reminding me that different is ok.
Transitions can be hard. As humans we don’t always like to change, and yet it’s the only inevitable thing in life. This week I was fortunate to be able to interview two people in my life that I have spent a great deal of time with over the last few years who have been both instrumental in my own healing, helped my kids too, and have both helped me gain a deeper understanding of my own vision for elevating the conversations between athletes, parents, and coaches more clearly. Amanda Lee Murphy, Licensed Acupuncturist and Eastern Medicine Practitioner and Frank Amato Licensed Chiropractic Orthopedist both understand the mind, body, spirit connection in a way that elevates my thought process and promotes healing in my body every time I visit them, which is why I wanted to sit down and talk with them for my newest project.
I know over the past years you have become accustomed to getting a story filled blog to read on Sunday morning, but my new project has me making a transition to a new website soon, and short on time to both write and experience life the way that I like to…even though these thoughts are being written at 4:30-5am these days because that is when my mind wakes me up and the stillness of that hour allows things to settle. I’m using this time to give you a glance into what you will see from my new project aimed at promoting inclusion and excellence both on the volleyball court and in the game of life by bringing you up close and personal content from the pros and coaches of the game to the developing athletes who will become the leaders of tomorrow in volleyball and the game of life.
In talking with these wellness practitioners, they understand that vulnerability is at the core of storytelling, learning, and healing, and the ways that those types of relationships can promote healing and happiness in our own lives. How can parents and athletes communicate better, what kind of recovery practices can not only help heal our physical body but elevate our self awareness in a way that we can understand who we are and what our purpose is in this world. The greatest thing we get from playing sports is the journey to our own self awareness.
"It’s taken me a lifetime to become vulnerable, but I try to help my athletes learn to do that at a younger age than I did.” - Frank Amato
Quotes like this remind why Frank and I get along so well, and why I have sent my own child to visit him with her injuries. His handle on his own self awareness and purpose is calming and why I talk his ear off every time he is working on my ankle or shoulder. He’s a sage, not just for healing the body, but the mind and spirit as well. And these are the conversations I will bring to you through my collaboration with Anthony Moore and his incredible up close and personal photography and video. Stories of resilience and optimism, that will matter to younger athletes from the experienced professionals who have lived them. It’s generational learning that helps us recognize our values and reverse and it’s my passion. We are creating a rising tide for every athlete, parent, coach, and legend of the game to share stories and learn from each other to help each other as athletes and human beings. Stay tuned. It’s coming down the pipeline soon and you won’t want to miss it.
“How long have you been standing in the shadows? My whole life.” - Lucas Beineke - The Addams Family
Broadway - always exposing universal truths in the most entertaining ways. Before COVID hit, Kate and I had tickets to Jagged Little Pill in New York, we were going to go before we hit the Atlanta qualifier for volleyball, and then everything came to a screeching halt. I remember how subdued she was over dinner on April 8, 2020, and it didn’t take me long to realize why - we were missing our trip. I’ve promised her we’d make it back, and the time is coming.
I wasn’t going to write a blog this week, I’ve been working on another big project and doing so much writing for that, plus traveling to watch the ever resilient Stanford Men’s Volleyball team battle in Provo, UT, I thought I’d take a week off. But ,just home from Kate’s first live onstage play, Redondo Union Theatre Arts presented The Addams Family live and in person tonight, and these kids were so amazing, I decided I had to write down a few words.
What makes us step out of the shadows and into the light? Alignment…when our vision matches our values. There are practical ways to assess how we are doing on that road, but most of all, alignment feels like a deep seeded contentment that you can trust. It brings calm, sustainable energy that doesn’t waver, and points you toward your purpose. It brings meaningful connection to our lives and instills a confidence that inspires us to step out into the light. No one is meant to live life in the shadows, yet somehow, there isn’t one of us that doesn’t know what that stuck and lonely feeling feels like.
The self awareness and confidence it takes to step out on stage and be seen is something these kids have learned through the discipline of showing up and learning to shine. And Kate, you have known it and shown it since your first family theatre production. The way you and your classmates have had to create a new kind of success, and support each other through this difficult year, means you will forever be able to think on your feet. Your vision and values are aligned, keep checking in with them and trust that your intuition will not steer you wrong.
Sending so much love and encouragement to step out of the shadows and shine bright on any stage life puts you on…I have no doubt there will be many more.
One of our favorites…more universal truth
With love & optimism,
Mom
Seven years ago I stood in front of Nono’s jui jitsu on Pier Ave. in Hermosa Beach and watched my kids learn the sport, the girls liked it...the boys, not so much. Either way, it made them tougher and better able to defend themselves even though no one is still wearing a gui today. It was a challenging amount of discomfort for them. As a parent, finding that recipe for the right amount of pressure to put on them is difficult in itself. It also presented me with the chance to chat with volleyball legend Kerri Walsh Jennings as her kids were rolling on the same mat as mine. She turned me on to a new podcast, Finding Mastery, that became a ritual, and, little by little, like the way you don’t see your own kids grow in front of your eyes until they are 6 inches taller, it helped shape my outlook and challenged my growth to become more confident and adaptable to whatever life sent my way. I discovered my personal philosophy:
“To create calm and connection with every breath and movement.”
And then learned how to take that, and my life experiences, and turn it into a purpose that could help others:
“To connect generations with stories of resilience and optimism through sport that inspire each of us to challenge ourselves to find our own greatness, and accept the stories of others with more compassion and less judgment.”
Think more empathy, less cancel culture.
Sport can create better human beings, not just in strength of body and beautiful execution of form...but by the growth of our mind and character, and help us discover the resilience of our own spirit. This is what I write about most weeks, because it relates to my journey and the greatest purpose I was ever given… to be a mom to four amazing kids. I never knew how much i would love it, and after 20 years it still puts a lump in my throat.
What i have been amazed by is that as we discover our purpose, people come into our paths that provide synergy and support for our journey. As I have shed layer upon layer of self doubt and stayed my course, I have been amazed at the people that have provided me with strength and connection, but this past week, there was a new one that blew my mind and heart, by the grace of social media.
I was beyond humbled and inspired to have the gift of an hour and 40 min podcast worthy conversation with 2012 British Gold Medalist David Smith. This time, I sat and we chatted over Whats App, him post swim in Jamaica and me post volleyball from the comfort of my living room. He told me his harrowing story of athletic greatness, to cancer diagnosis, to a tragic mistake during surgery to remove a spinal tumor that left him paralyzed on his left side. He told the story with strength and vulnerability like we were old friends. I don’t think there is any human quality i appreciate more than realness. Our conversation is worthy of a book, not just a blog, and I’m saving some content for a bigger project I have in the works, but i wanted to give you a glimpse into what I learned this week...I’m so grateful for this conversation.
As a multiple time world champion and an Olympic gold medalist, David has used sport to become the best in the world, but in the darkest days of his life, he has used sport to become the best that he can be. Our conversation connected on so many levels, beginning when he told me how he discovered Michael Gervais on YouTube and then his Finding Mastery podcast.
“He’s gotten me through this and he doesn’t even know it.”
Suddenly, i began to understand how we found our way to this conversation. From the power of blue therapy (surfing and water immersion to heal) to his relationship with his girlfriend who is on the autism spectrum, to the understanding of what a philosophy and purpose can do for your life, we had a lot of mutual understanding for creating safe space, calm, and empathy, and how that leads to deep healing. Does it occur to me that i am not worthy to compare my journey to a story like his...every single moment. Did it seem to occur to him? Not for a minute. It reminded me of the importance of not comparing our stories, the hero’s journey is there for everyone, it plays out on different stages. If we belittle ourselves, or our struggle, we can never achieve our full potential, because we will always feel small and unworthy...and no one is small or unworthy.
We discussed the power of being over doing and the book he is working on that he wants to read like a story...my favorite and the most powerful way to make humans feel safe and able to learn. He has such a grasp of the way athletes need to embody their recovery in a way talk therapy often cannot do. When we talk through our challenges, we engage our prefrontal cortex but our experiences are embedded in our limbic brain. As we move, we are able to bring better balance to our nervous system and find release for deep seeded trauma. Sport can be the healthiest release and help us avoid addictions that cause us and others further pain. But my most powerful take away from this golden conversation was how the journey to the greatest self discovery and healing is an expression of vulnerability that empowers other people to find that same realness in themselves. If in our greatest moments of distress, we can find a safe place to land, and not just be strength on display for everyone around us, we foster the most beautiful connection. As David put it so well,
“Everyone needs a hug.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you @davidsmithmbe for your time and switched on insight. Can’t wait to capture more of this gold and read your book!
Because music gets me through every week and Tim McGraw came our with a new album….here ya gol
And P.S. @savestanfordmvb watching you guys play and have fun tonight was a joy - this fight isn’t over yet!
With love & optimism,
Wendy
The signs and experiences have been there my whole life. Not in the boldest ways, but in ways that are unique to me…always there to teach me something. Sometimes I call myself a late bloomer, because I reframed the phrase slow learner. More often these days, I realize that I process life on a deep level and it takes me time. As I get older, I see that as a gift that helps me stay curious and learn about myself and other people and what makes us all tick, and I love writing about it. One of my cool conversations on the beach in the last few weeks with an engineer turned coach explained it as “root cause”, I’m always looking for the why behind the story.
Lately, scenes from my own story flash through my mind that I haven’t thought of in years. 1988, Kochi City, Japan, Friendship Games…my first ever international travel experience and it was to Japan to play volleyball. Traveling with a team at 14 without parents opened my timid eyes to the world and was the best experience. Randomly at the end of that trip, our team ran into Karch Kiraly at the Tokyo airport and as we all recognized him and went a little teenage girl crazy, he was gracious enough to stop and sign our tournament t-shirts and take pictures. I hadn’t thought of this story in years until I watched the beautiful play of Miki Ishi and Megumi Murakami on Thursday at 8th St. in Hermosa Beach. With all the turmoil in the world this past year, sports have been one of our greatest sources of unity.
I have always loved volleyball. I learned how much with every set back. A dive on the floor that tore my thumb ligament my senior year of high school and made me miss the whole season, my rubbery ankles that couldn’t take someone coming under the net and ended my walk on run at Cal Poly. There aren’t any championships marking my path, but each of these set backs taught me more about how much I love to play and how to take care of myself so I am able to impart these lessons to my life’s greatest work…Lauren, Luke, Kate, Matthew…as they learn to travel their own paths.
Since these early volleyball days, the challenges have run deeper. Healing from broken relationships, and near death parenting experiences have only deepened my perspective on the game of life, and the things I learned through sports have helped define my own comeback story. One thing is for certain, life will deliver adversity to our doorstep, and we have to figure out how we will respond. This week I’ve been thinking about the integral parts of what makes our comeback stories great and sets us on the unbeatable path of greater self awareness.
Honesty with ourselves. We only find our way to alignment when we face our story head on. There is no going around the things that scare us, the less than stellar qualities that crop up as we try to protect ourselves and our egos, and the unhealthy coping mechanisms that rear their ugly head if we try to change the facts. Sometimes these circumstances are born of our own choices, other times, like in the case of injury, sickness, or accident, they are handed to us, but both are here to test our resolve to see if we can emerge stronger.
It doesn’t matter how other people see you, what matters is how you view yourself. As humans, we can get so wrapped up in perception and end up trying to make things look a certain way. Rather than focus on how things look, we have to learn to live by how things feel. I don’t mean this in an instant gratification way that allows you to take the heat off and feel temporary relief. When we learn to live in the present moment, we are able to feel whatever that moment is there to show us, and with that skill, find gratitude for that moment’s greatness or the strength to notice what is uncomfortable and know that this too shall pass. It looks different for everyone, so don’t let what someone else sees define your path, just get to know yourself well enough to have the courage to define your own.
Recovery takes downtime. Sometimes the conversation arises that pushing through isn’t always the right thing to do. Time and experience has proven this to me firsthand. It’s not always about toughening up, softening to the experience is a skill. I wish I would have known this before Lauren did three weeks of Junior Guards with a broken arm and she finally said “those push ups still hurt”… Whatever the difficult story is that is asking for our comeback, there is inevitably time when we need to sink in, give permission for the moments we need to rest and reset, and be kind to ourselves. For me this looks like a few hours reading a novel or long walks and conversation with a friend. It’s not always about the grind, recovery time gives the comeback story the respect it deserves.
Share Your Story. There is so much universal truth in all of our comeback stories. We all wrestle with doubt, fear, and the ability to love ourselves as we are in the present. The hero’s journey is one and the same for all of us, played out on different stages. One of the most inspiring things I have gained from learning to be transparent about my own struggles is the ability it gives me to connect with other people. Honestly, I’m not sure there is anything more beautiful in life than these moments. If we don’t have the courage to show our human struggle, we will never be able to emerge stronger for having gone through it, and we find ourselves in cycles that repeat instead of transforming our lives. Share your story, I’ve found that most of the time we are met with understanding and a resounding “me too” (the good kind!). It gives our struggle another purpose and we end up helping ourselves and others at the same time.
I was inspired to write about the comeback this week because of the struggles that I have watched my oldest two go through in this wild year we have all endured. Trust the process, surrender to what is, and believe that the path with present itself. Let’s go @savestanfordmvb, we’ve got momentum, keep battling. @Lauren.turner21, couldn’t be more proud of your grind and incredible sense of self awareness. Sometimes the fight doesn’t look like you thought it would, but if we follow our instincts and keep training our minds, bodies, and spirits, the comeback is always greater the setback.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Inspired by life and music - the choice this week.
Photo credit: @matts.photography_
All my life, and part of the reason I like to write so much, is because it slows down my thoughts, and gives me time to express myself clearly. We’ve all had moments we wish we could take words back or make our thoughts come out differently, but then there is also just good old fashioned hindsight, what life has taught us that becomes valuable on our journey. Learning to look at ourselves rather than pointing a finger at someone else or make an excuse is a challenge that opens the path to a bigger life, a life that keeps growing, changing, and creates longevity no matter how old we are. Introspection can feel invasive and scary, but without it, life becomes a history of repeated patterns that we don’t learn from and we end up judging and projecting all over each other. So, as I see it, ‘what I meant to say’ becomes the way forward to reverse the patterns in our lives that we want to correct, and, while the truth is it’s never too late to discover new paths, I am inspired to write about these lessons with the hope that it will help someone else learn earlier than I did. Lately I’ve been considering all the topics that I could cover with a ‘what I meant to say’, in so many ways, it’s the why behind my blog, so here are just a few of my thoughts on this incredibly busy Easter week as I begin to explore this topic deeper.
What it feels like matters more than what it looks like. Don’t base your choices on what it looks like to everyone else, feel into the experience and learn to trust your gut. Five years ago, I had a life that seemed enviable from the outside, but was crumbling on the inside. Today, I have 100% more confidence and health because I faced down what scared me, had some stuck and difficult days in the middle, and came out the other side flowing.
Vibration is a state of being. When we learn how to release fear and feel peace in the present moment, there is no limit for how high we can go. The more I have learned to align with my true self, the higher my vibration - and the people, opportunities, and things that cross my path organically feel right. I’ve had other times in my life when I have hid from myself, a truth that I knew but didn’t want to face yet, or a fear that was holding me back. In that space, goals become unclear, and action turns into paralysis…keep leveling up that vibration and life begins to flow simply.
Fear contracts us and makes us live smaller than we should. Speaking of feeling stuck, it’s a real thing. It’s the reason I can get 100 things done in thirty minutes and yet if I have an entire open day, sometimes I can barely get one thing covered. The trick is to picture your greatest life and go after it. (*hint - don’t get distracted, focus is the gateway to flow) I have felt it in real time. The question is what do you fear? When we picture the worst, or speak to ourselves in the negative, we tighten up and dim our light. The world is never asking this of us, so why do we put it on us ourselves?
Music is free healing. It has pulled me out of more funks that you could possibly imagine. When in doubt blast your favorite music while you take a drive, a walk, a shower, or do the dishes. It is a game changer. And maybe the reason I end my blog every week with a song. Zac Brown and Tim McGraw have helped me work through some tough spots.
Learning to let go is part of every gain. We want it all, but I am here to say we can’t have it all at once. There are trades offs, space that we have to free up in our minds and lives if we are going to live a clear minded and connected life. We have to let go… of comparison, negativity, perfectionism, and so many other things to make room for abundance.
If there is anything that I have been feeling in the last week it’s flow. Charting my course, aligning with my values and vision, and attracting everything that goes along with that path. This week’s simple blog is part of a much bigger plan. What can you do to follow your path and live with greater joy and purpose? I promise it will be worth it. Take the higher road, and trust that it will all come together. If anyone tries to get in the way of that, remember who you are and what you want to accomplish and keep going, and, while you are at it, be inclusive and bring others along with you. There are exciting things to come with The Optimists Journal, interlacing with game of life mindset with my love for volleyball and the generational wisdom that I want to pass down to athletes far and wide and as well as the ones close to my heart already (let’s go @tcubeachvb and @savestanfordmvb!) . We all have a story, the question is will we get the most out of it by examining ourselves and our place in this world, so that we have more flow in our life and less times where we are left with a ‘what I meant to say’.
Happy Easter!
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
As a mom, this song never gets old.
In a nutshell, I’m over elitist culture. From Washington D.C. to Stanford University I am tired of people and institutions that play by different rules than everyone else and create an ever widening gap between perception and reality. This was my thought as I watched the new Netflix documentary, Operation Varsity Blues: The College Admissions Scandal. My optimism was more than dampened with the realization that Stanford does not stand behind the character building grind required to achieve the high academic standard and level of play that are required to wear a Cardinal jersey. The story of fallen college admissions consultant Rick Singer and his side door approach to college entrance that got the kids of affluent families into the universities of their choice, upon the six and seven figure donations by their parents, testing scandals, and blatant lies that the students were athletes in sports that they had never played, hit a major nerve in me…like a sciatic nerve, so big it knocks you off your feet.
When the original story broke, I followed it because I lived in the backyard of schools and people who were involved in this scandal, and because two of my kids were approaching college. But as with most of the news these days, I tried not to sink too deep into the story because it was incomprehensible. At the time, I had two kids headed toward college. After making a transition from indoor volleyball to the beach, Lauren knew she was going to TCU to play. Luke had his sights set on Stanford, a place he had been attending football games in ‘fear the tree’ t shirts with his siblings since he was eight years old. I watched as he sacrificed sleep, increased his workload, and focused on his grades, while he waited and hoped for a chance to play volleyball for the Cardinal. Finding out he had a shot was one of the greatest days of his life, although he still had to wait for admissions to let him know he was in as a student…Stanford athletes are expected to maintain the schools standards for excellence in academics too, and he was told if they don’t hit the mark, they can’t wear the jersey, whether the coach wants them or not. I remember thinking at the time that for this age, these are the real pressures, what I don’t remember thinking was that as his parent, there was anything I could do about it besides support his efforts, be there to talk, and encourage him if he needed it.
The release of this documentary shed light on Stanford at a time when they they are already suffering in my book after turning their back on 240 athletes from 11 sports that they recruited. These athletes learned through their athletic experience how to show up, to crush it, to have a bad day or game, and learn to fight back, and yet they face a hypocritical university that will not show up in the same way for them.
Although it’s hard to stop talking about all the things we learned in 2020 from everything that we lost, as I watch this young Stanford Men’s Volleyball Team battle for what the university wants to be their last season (one that looks nothing like a real college volleyball season, with it’s incomplete schedule, training, and apathetic coaching) the irony of Stanford’s proclaimed value system and the gap between perception and reality is astounding. A school that is known for the amazing things they do to serve underprivileged and deserving students has a dark side. Stanford, with a near $30B endowment, that made $1.6B in 2019-20 alone, has decided that it can’t afford 11 sports?! On July 8, 2020 in the midst of everything else that these athletes had lost during the pandemic, they were told by the school that recruited them (that they each had to work incredibly hard to get into on their own and gave up other opportunities to be able to wear the Cardinal jersey) wouldn’t have a home for the sport that they have spent the majority of their lives playing. Reportedly, they didn’t want to continue programs that couldn’t compete for National Championships (way to answer back Shane Griffiths). No warning to the alumni or staff that their program was in danger…no amount of money raised would save them, no side door opportunities for these student-athletes, not that they would have needed them anyway.
Growth requires challenge and pain produces progress, so in the long run, Stanford can’t take anything from these athletes, they will be tough as nails and know how to battle no matter what path they choose to walk. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a right thing to do…and Stanford hasn’t done it. These athletes deserve the support not only of their families and the outstanding alumni of these programs, but for the university that brought them on campus for an opportunity that was pulled out from under them to continue to provide them with a chance to lead and grow in the sport that they committed to play. Watching from the volleyball LiveStream on the screen, I see the athletes battling with all the heart that they have, even with a lackluster coaching effort that these players do not deserve. When the character of the athletes far surpasses that of the university that they were recruited to play for, something is very wrong. Stanford has proven that the entitled can buy their way in, and the endowment will help educate those who can’t afford to pay but are deserving, but they deserted the hard working student/athletes that committed to them, and it’s inexcusable. In the end, it’s not my ultimate decision if my son will stay at Stanford, I trust his decision making process 100%, but one thing is for sure, Stanford doesn’t deserve these athletes, or our support. When the gap between perception and reality becomes so great, Stanford is teaching the wrong things, and everyone loses.
One of my favorite things is to wake up to an inspirational text from my friend Chrissy. She is an amazing writer and mom (check out her blog Life with Greyson + Parker) and when we met 10 years ago, we were trying to figure out the ins and outs of having kids on the autism spectrum, even though neither of us actually had diagnosis’s yet for our children. She is one of the best silver lining humans that I know, we are kindred spirit introverts that just get each other. As we went back and forth this morning, waxing philosophical even before we had had our coffee, our words pointed to what I was already writing about this week…our tendency as humans to compare ourselves to one another and the jealousy that it can create. I’ve learned over the last few years that there are so many ways to do life, and once we find the courage, it’s just easier to be ourselves, without apology, than think we need to copy anyone else’s journey.
For me that has meant connecting deeply to the world of sports…a place that has always been an outlet for my nervous energy but also one where I feared that I couldn’t hang. As a younger athlete, I lacked confidence and it became the thing that I most wanted to teach my kids, not just on the court, but in life, so they could find and pursue their passions, whatever those passions may be, and nothing makes me happier than to see them learn to lead doing what they love to do. We all need that place in life. As athletes my older two have had some of the highest highs, like achieving their dreams of playing at the Division 1 level, and also battled through lows like injuries (I think Lauren inherited my weak ankles) and heartbreak, (let’s get this reinstatement taken care of @gostanford), but above all have come through difficult circumstances on and off the court that shape their character and build their resilience in life in a way that makes me so proud. Through my parenting journey, I have seen how much the world of coaching and parenting intersect, and how comparing our lives to anyone else’s, diminishes our potential to make the impact we were meant to make on the world. Even saying you have the desire to make an impact is scary. It brings out the fear of failure and the dreadful feeling of imposter syndrome, that “who am I to" (fill in the blank).
As humans we have a tendency to compare and even be jealous of what other people seem to be or have in their lives when all that does is contract our own unique path. It’s got me thinking about the impact comparison and jealousy have on our happiness and performance, individually and as part of any team. Teams come in many forms…work, families, sports, clubs…anything that has an established culture that we are a part of, for better or for worse. This week I had the privilege to get the feedback from an masterful Championship winning volleyball coach and a 2016 Olympian on how they handle these concepts in their own lives, and on their own teams. I’m so grateful for these conversations and connections, here is what they had to say:
“Everyone on a team has to feel like they are an integral part of the team. People may have different roles on a team/organization, but each individual needs to feel appreciated, they add value to the central mass, and that they have freedom to fulfill their individual role. As the leader, I need to convey to the troops what is the environment that THEY would like to be part of. I then give verbal praise in front of the entire group whenever I see actions of the culture we want. Then almost a competition can develop of who can do the most “positive actions”, because generally people like to be praised! One of the first messages I will say after saying “hello” is that we are not going to have jealousy for one another. If I give praise to someone for positive actions, we are NOT going to talk negatively about the “doer of good deeds”. I ask for each team member to take a symbolic one step forward if they agree to not to be jealous of the doer. Then when I give the first positive comments to someone in front of the group, I will IMMEDIATELY joke and say to the group something like, “hey, we’re not mad at so and so are we?”. At the end of the practice, I ask for players to nominate one another as the “player of the practice” and the players have to be SPECIFIC why they are nominating a teammate (“Suzy reassured me after I mad an error”, “Sally’s servers were on and scored many points”, “Sam had that one incredible dig”. I make a point we want to honor physical plays AND selfless actions as well. This makes the less athletic kids know they can be honored by being selfless teammates. -Tommy Chaffins, Prep Volleyball Coach of Year, Max Preps Coach of Year, Daily Breeze 11x Coach of Year, Redondo Union High School Head Coach (and someone I have seen personally create culture where teenage girls learn to both support each other and compete!)
“I think jealousy is a good teacher. Usually when we feel bouts of jealousy they are signals that someone else has something we would like to have ourself. I think recognizing this before it becomes detrimental to yourself and/or your team is the number one key. Since feeling jealousy reveals those things we wish we could have, it can act as a gateway to walking the path to finding the best version of yourself as a player, teammate, athlete etc. If you feel feelings of jealousy because your teammate is starting and you aren’t, what actionable step can you take to improve your chances of seeing playing time more? Do you need to spend some more time getting extra repetitions at a specific skill? Do you need to spend more time in the weight room building foundational strength? This is just one example of how we can turn feelings of jealousy into positive actions. Another way to look at jealousy is through the scope of building your own internal confidence and high self-worth. Your feelings are ultimately in your control. When we are in an environment where jealousy is at the forefront it’s a signal that there is inner work yet to be done. There is never anything anyone is doing outside of us to make us feel jealous, those feelings are solely felt because of our own perspective of what is going on or what is being conveyed to us. Within a team we want to feel connected, and build trust and have a foundation of confidence from the coaching staff to the training staff to the players. Valuing one another and treating others with respect and full support is the main goal within a team. So those very fragile feelings of jealousy can easily be released if we focus the right kind of energy on them and take actionable steps to rid ourselves of them too. - Carli Lloyd, 2016 Olympian, Professional Indoor Volleyball Player, expecting mom, May 2021, writer of her blog, Show Up With Me - and someone who has the one of the greatest blends of compassion and competitiveness I have ever seen.
We find our purpose when we use our passion to create something unique to us that has an impact on something larger than ourselves. When we connect to our higher self on the most intimate level, our goals become so specific, there is no way to compare them.. Every week that I write, I get closer to making that impact that I want to make: to raise generational consciousness and teach life lessons through sports so we can make our greatest impact and develop deeper empathy for all of the stories of the human condition. My challenge to you this week is to get so clear on the impact that you want to make on this world that you can see who adds beautiful connection and collaboration to your life and that you you would never again dream to compare yourself to anyone else.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Photo credit: Anthony Moore (@amoorephoto_)
Brenda Cash (@brendacashphotography) for the photo in my email if you get my blog updates there;)
And because there is always a song that comes to mind. when I write….
