SEO marketing is the practice of optimizing your website to align with the standards and algorithms employed by major search engines like Google. Achieving high rankings in organic search results can significantly increase website traffic without the costs associated with paid advertising. This increased visibility can drive more organic traffic to your site, boosting your business’s visibility and revenue. In this article, we’ll break down SEO marketing, explain why it’s essential, and guide you step-by-step on how to master it.
I was once a frustrated entrepreneur, grappling with marketers who didn’t listen or deliver results. My experience with SEO was fraught with wasted time and money on strategies that felt robotic and confusing. Determined to find a solution, I decided to learn SEO from the ground up, bridging the gap between creative vision and digital strategy.
Through this journey, I transformed my pain points into a superpower: helping purpose-driven entrepreneurs shine online. My approach is results-driven, personalized, and rooted in empathy. I understand the importance of staying true to who you are while achieving digital success. My coaching background and entrepreneurial pivots have equipped me to provide the clarity of vision you need to balance authenticity with effective SEO strategies.
Having experienced firsthand the importance of digital marketing and SEO for business success, my commitment is to elevate your SEO from good to great. My goal is to make SEO both effective and aligned with your unique objectives, ensuring it feels human and impactful.
SEO marketing is a vital aspect of digital marketing that focuses on optimizing your website to improve its visibility on search engine results pages (SERPs). The goal is to drive organic search traffic by ensuring your site appears prominently when users search for relevant keywords, including effective meta descriptions. This involves a combination of keyword research, high-quality content creation, local seo, search engine marketing, paid search, technical optimizations, and an seo marketing strategy to enhance seo marketing efforts. Additionally, improving page speed is crucial for enhancing user experience and optimizing for search engines.
Effective SEO not only increases your online visibility but also attracts potential customers and keeps you ahead of the competition. With 83% of the global market share, Google is the dominant search engine, making it crucial to align your international seo efforts with Google’s search engine algorithms and guidelines.
Off-page SEO is another critical component, focusing on activities outside your website to improve its ranking. Acquiring backlinks from other sites is essential for enhancing domain authority and improving search engine rankings.
Whether you’re a business or an individual, SEO marketing is essential for enhancing your digital presence.
SEO has come a long way since its inception in the 1990s. Initially, it was plagued by tactics like keyword stuffing and link farms, which aimed to manipulate search engine rankings without providing real value to users. However, the rise of Google in the 2000s shifted the focus towards link building as a critical ranking factor.
Today, SEO is a sophisticated discipline driven by artificial intelligence and complex algorithms. These advancements have made SEO more effective and user-centric, emphasizing high-quality content and user experience over simple keyword tactics. Understanding this evolution is key to mastering modern SEO strategies.
Understanding how web and search engines operate is essential for success in SEO and adhering to search engine guidelines. This knowledge is crucial for achieving optimal search result outcomes through keyword search and understanding the search query. Search engines analyze Google searches like Google use a three-step process: crawling, indexing, and ranking on the search engine results page.
Search engines rely on structured data and algorithms to categorize and rank content effectively.
Crawling involves search engine crawlers, also known as spiders or bots, discovering new and updated content by following links on web pages. Once content is discovered, it’s indexed, meaning it’s stored in the search engine’s database if deemed high-quality and relevant.
Ranking is the final step, where search engines use algorithms to determine the order to rank web pages in search results based on hundreds of factors. This process ensures that users receive the most relevant and high-quality information in response to their search queries. Understanding these steps is the foundation of effective search engine optimization (SEO).
Crawling is the process by which search engines discover new and updated content. Web crawlers, also known as spiders or bots, follow links on web pages to find new content. This is essential for generating search results, as search engine crawling is needed to continuously explore the web to stay updated. The indexing process then determines if the crawled content will be stored in the search engine’s database for ranking purposes.
Proper crawling and indexing are critical for SEO success because they ensure that search engines can find, retrieve, and rank your web pages. Using an XML sitemap can help search engines understand your site structure and improve indexing.
Identifying and resolving indexing issues is crucial to ensure your content is visible in search results.
Ranking is determined by search engine algorithms that assess hundreds of factors to deliver relevant search results. These factors include the relevance and quality of content, the number and quality of backlinks, and the overall user experience. Internal links help navigate the website and distribute authority between pages, which is also a crucial ranking factor.
Maintaining a website with too many broken links can signal poor maintenance to search engines, negatively affecting rankings. Understanding and optimizing these ranking factors is key to improving your search engine rankings and driving organic search traffic.
SEO marketing consists of three main components: on-page SEO, off-page SEO, and technical SEO. Each plays a unique role in enhancing your website’s visibility and performance on search engines. On-page SEO focuses on optimizing individual web pages, including content and HTML source code. Off-page SEO involves activities outside your website, such as backlink building and social media marketing. Technical SEO deals with the backend and server-side optimizations to ensure search engines can properly crawl and index your site.
Optimizing website content is crucial as part of SEO marketing strategies, as it significantly enhances visibility and effectiveness in local SEO efforts.
A comprehensive SEO strategy incorporates all three components, ensuring that your site is technically sound, content-rich, and well-promoted across the web. Let’s dive deeper into each of these core components.
On-page SEO involves optimizing the content and structure of your individual web pages to improve search engine rankings and user experience. This includes using relevant keywords, creating high-quality content, and ensuring that your website is user-friendly. Effective on-page SEO enhances the interactions between search engines and users by ensuring that the content is relevant and meets the searcher’s intent.
Types of relevant content that should be optimized include home pages, about pages, blogs, articles, and index pages. Each should contain unique, authoritative information that builds trust with both search engines and users. Consistent quality and a well-structured layout contribute significantly to building this trust and improving search engine rankings.
Off-page SEO focuses on actions taken outside of your website to impact your trustworthiness and authority. The primary driver of off-page SEO is backlinks—links from other reputable sites to your own. These backlinks enhance your domain authority. As a result, they can greatly improve your search engine rankings. Acquiring links from reputable sites is crucial for enhancing your site’s authority and search rankings.
Additionally, acquiring backlinks from other sites is essential for boosting your domain authority and improving search engine rankings.
A strong link-building strategy involves acquiring authoritative backlinks by pitching to relevant news outlets or creating useful content that others want to link to. Social media sites can also play a role in off-page SEO by increasing clicks and the chances of gaining backlinks when your posts are shared.
Technical SEO focuses on the backend elements of a website to ensure optimal crawling and indexing by search engines. This includes improving site speed, mobile optimization, and website security. Fast-loading pages enhance user experience and boost rankings, with best practices including compressing images, enabling browser caching, and using a content delivery network (CDN). Page speed can significantly reduce bounce rates and improve rankings, linking it to effective website architecture and overall SEO strategies.
Mobile optimization is also crucial, as 58% of searches come from mobile devices. The mobile version of a site is primarily used for ranking in Google’s mobile-first indexing.
Additionally, using an SSL certificate to encrypt user data improves website security and can positively impact rankings.
Local SEO is a crucial aspect of search engine optimization that focuses on optimizing your website to rank higher in search engine results for location-based searches. If you have a physical location, local SEO can help you attract nearby customers and increase your online visibility.
To get started with local SEO, conduct keyword research to identify relevant location-based keywords that your potential customers are using. For instance, if you own a bakery in New York, you might target keywords like “best bakery in New York” or “New York bakery near me.” Creating high-quality content that incorporates these keywords can significantly improve your chances of appearing in local search results.
Another essential step is to claim and optimize your Google My Business listing. This free tool allows you to manage how your business appears on Google Search and Maps. Ensure your listing is complete with accurate information, including your address, phone number, and business hours. Encourage satisfied customers to leave positive reviews, as these can boost your credibility and rankings.
Building external links from other local websites can also enhance your local SEO efforts. Reach out to local blogs, news outlets, and business directories to get your site mentioned and linked. By implementing a robust local SEO strategy, you can increase your website traffic, drive more foot traffic to your physical location, and ultimately boost your sales and revenue.
An effective SEO strategy aims to boost organic traffic and improve search engine rankings. It involves:
Optimizing websites for search engine traffic by implementing effective SEO practices is essential. Proper configuration, relevant content, and understanding user intent can lead to higher rankings on search engine results pages, ultimately driving more qualified visitors to your website.
Setting modest yet ambitious objectives is crucial for tracking progress and ensuring long-term success.
SEO is not a one-time effort but requires ongoing optimization and adaptation to stay ahead of competitors and search engine updates. Consistent refinement of your strategy helps avoid wasting time and money on underperforming paid ads content.
Keyword research is the foundation of any effective SEO strategy. To conduct keyword research targeting the wrong keywords can lead to low traffic and poor conversions. Analyzing competitors’ SEO strategies and the keywords they target can provide valuable insights for your own keyword selection. Tools like Google Keyword Planner, Ahrefs, and Ubersuggest can help identify high-traffic keywords and assess their competitiveness.
It is crucial to align your keyword research with the standards and algorithms of major search engines to ensure better visibility and authority in search results.
When selecting keywords, consider both their popularity and ranking difficulty. Starting with easier keywords helps build authority before targeting more competitive terms. Additionally, using non-product related keywords for standalone blog posts can increase your site’s authority.
Creating high-quality content that satisfies user intent is critical for SEO success. By the 2010s, the focus in SEO shifted towards creating valuable content that serves user needs rather than just optimizing for keywords. A well-optimized page enhances its potential for ranking. It also effectively keeps visitors engaged.
Content should be updated regularly to maintain relevance and effectiveness in SEO strategies. Tools like Google Search Console can provide insights into search queries that lead users to your site, aiding in content optimization.
Link building is an essential part of SEO that involves acquiring high-quality backlinks to enhance your website’s authority. Turning broken internal links into SEO opportunities can contribute to link-building efforts. A strong link-building strategy should focus on acquiring authoritative backlinks by pitching to relevant news outlets or creating useful content.
Internal linking is also crucial as it helps distribute authority between relevant pages and improves navigation. Understanding how to connect different pieces of content can significantly boost your SEO efforts.
Social media marketing is a powerful digital marketing strategy that involves using social media platforms to promote your business, products, or services. While it may not be directly related to search engine optimization, it can have a significant indirect impact on your SEO efforts.
Social media platforms can drive substantial traffic to your website, increasing its visibility and authority in search engine results. When your content is shared and engaged with on social media, it signals to search engines that your website is valuable and relevant. This can positively influence your search engine rankings.
Additionally, social media can be a valuable tool for building high-quality backlinks. When your content is shared on social media, it increases the chances of other websites linking to it. These backlinks are crucial for improving your website’s authority and search engine rankings.
To effectively use social media marketing, create high-quality content that resonates with your target audience. Engage with your followers by responding to comments and messages, and use relevant hashtags to increase your visibility. By leveraging social media marketing, you can enhance your online presence, drive more traffic to your website, and ultimately boost your sales and revenue.
Measuring and analyzing your SEO performance is crucial for understanding progress and refining your strategy. Key performance indicators (KPIs) for SEO include metrics that indicate progress towards your SEO goals, such as organic search traffic, search engine rankings, and website engagement.
According to Search Engine Land, estimates on the earnings of SEO specialists can vary based on factors such as location and experience, providing industry standards that can guide your expectations.
Ongoing monitoring and adjustments are necessary to maintain SEO rankings and optimize efforts. Tools like Google Analytics and Google Search Console are invaluable for tracking and analyzing SEO performance.
Google Analytics is a powerful tool that allows businesses to track and analyze their website traffic and user engagement. Understanding how Google Analytics functions can help marketers make data-driven decisions to enhance their SEO strategies. Tracking metrics like page views and session duration provides insights into the effectiveness of SEO efforts.
Custom dashboards can be set up to track specific data relevant to SEO performance, optimizing website layouts and content to improve user experience and engagement.
Google Search Console (GSC) is a free tool provided by Google that helps monitor, maintain, and troubleshoot a website’s presence in Google Search results. It allows you to see which queries bring users to your site, how many impressions you get, your click-through rate (CTR), and your average position in search results. You can also submit sitemaps and individual URLs for crawling to speed up the indexing process.
GSC helps identify and resolve indexing issues, mobile usability problems, and Core Web Vitals that affect ranking. It tracks your website’s backlink profile, showing who is linking to you and which pages are most linked.
Using GSC in tandem with Google Analytics provides a comprehensive view of your SEO performance.
SEO tools are indispensable for businesses looking to optimize their websites for search engines. These tools can help you conduct keyword research, analyze website traffic, identify technical SEO issues, and track your search engine rankings.
Google Analytics is one of the most powerful tools available, allowing you to track and analyze your website traffic and user engagement. By understanding how visitors interact with your site, you can make data-driven decisions to enhance your SEO strategy. For instance, tracking metrics like page views and session duration can provide insights into the effectiveness of your content and website layout.
Google Search Console is another essential tool that helps you monitor, maintain, and troubleshoot your website’s presence in Google Search results. It provides valuable data on which queries bring users to your site, your click-through rate (CTR), and your average position in search results. You can also use it to submit sitemaps and individual URLs for crawling, speeding up the indexing process.
Other popular SEO tools like Ahrefs and SEMrush offer comprehensive features for keyword research, backlink analysis, and competitor tracking. These tools can help you identify high-traffic keywords, analyze your backlink profile, and monitor your competitors’ SEO strategies.
By leveraging these SEO tools, you can gain valuable insights into your website’s performance, identify areas for improvement, and make informed decisions to optimize your SEO strategy. This will ultimately help you improve your search engine rankings, drive more traffic to your website, and boost your sales and revenue.
As we move into the future, the landscape of SEO marketing continues to evolve with emerging trends and technologies. AI-driven algorithms, like Google Multitask Unified Model (MUM) and AI-chatbot Google Bard (Gemini), are transforming how search engines understand context and user intent. These advancements enable more accurate and relevant search results, making SEO more effective and user-centric.
Voice search is another trend gaining momentum, with significant growth expected in its usage for information retrieval and online purchases. Millennials are currently the most active internet users of voice assistants, highlighting the need for brands to adapt their SEO strategies to accommodate longer, conversational voice queries that align with search intent.
Additionally, search features play a critical role in addressing user habits for quick answers, particularly in the context of zero-click searches. By optimizing content with these search features, publishers can enhance their visibility and authority without requiring users to navigate away from the search results page.
By prioritizing structured data and optimizing for voice search, businesses can stay ahead in the ever-changing SEO landscape. Mastering SEO marketing is about more than just climbing the search engine rankings; it’s about creating a digital presence that resonates with your audience and drives meaningful engagement through content marketing. We’ve journeyed through the intricate world of SEO, from understanding its core components to exploring advanced strategies and future trends. Your success in this digital arena hinges on continuous learning and adaptation.
Now that you’re equipped with the knowledge and tools to enhance your SEO efforts, it’s time to take action. Remember, SEO is not a one-time task but an ongoing journey of optimization and growth. Embrace the power of search engine optimization to elevate your online presence, connect with your audience, and achieve your business goals. Let the bots align with your unique brand of genius!
What began as a struggle to be seen online has transformed into a calling to help others achieve the same visibility and truly SHINE. Learning SEO gave me the power to amplify my message, and now, it’s a tool I use to elevate the voices of others who care deeply about their work. Whether you’re a coach, creative, or conscious entrepreneur, your message matters. I’ve been in your shoes, and as an seo expert, I know how to build strategies that reflect your heart and your hustle.
I’m not just here to get you to rank—I’m here to help you rise with integrity, clarity, and confidence in your digital presence. Because SEO isn’t just about traffic; it’s about trust. And that’s something I’m proud to help you earn.
Now you know (and don't have to fear) that SEO marketing is a multifaceted discipline that requires a deep understanding of search engines, strategic planning, and continuous optimization. By mastering the core components of on-page, off-page, and technical SEO, you can enhance your website’s visibility and drive organic traffic. Developing an effective SEO strategy involves thorough keyword research, high-quality content creation, and robust link-building techniques. No one finds success alone, and it's always ok to ask for help...you just need to know who to trust. My journey through life and this space has made me one of those people so feel free to reach out.
As you embark on your SEO journey, remember that success is not instantaneous but a result of sustained efforts and adaptation to new trends. By leveraging tools like Google Analytics and Google Search Console, you can measure your performance and make data-driven decisions. Embrace the future of SEO with AI and voice search, and stay committed to building a trustworthy and engaging online presence.
SEO, or search engine optimization, is all about optimizing your website to rank higher in search engine results, making it easier for your target audience to find you. SEO stands for 'search engine optimization' and is a crucial process in digital marketing for improving website visibility and organic search rankings. By getting on that coveted first page of Google, you’re likely to attract more visitors and boost your online presence.
The main goal of SEO marketing is to boost your website's visibility on search engines, helping you attract more organic traffic and improve your rankings. Essentially, it’s all about getting noticed!
Search engines determine rankings by using algorithms that evaluate numerous factors like content relevance, quality, backlinks, and user experience. So, focusing on these aspects can help improve your ranking.
The three main types of SEO you should know about are on-page SEO, off-page SEO, and technical SEO, each targeting different elements to boost your website's visibility. Focusing on all three can significantly improve your search engine rankings!
Keyword research is super important because it helps you attract the right audience, boosts your conversions, and ensures your content aligns with what people are actually searching for.
Wendy
There is one sentence that when it is said, makes my cheeks flush and my ears burn:
“It’s just who I am.”
Even though I have published hundreds of blogs with The Optimists Journal, I have taken many breaks—when life calls for a more introspective place, or when I feel a period of learning and expansion that needs to happen on my own. The latter has been the case with my latest hiatus from publishing, but the grounded feeling of happiness I have as I return to it now feels unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. The things I have learned about myself, my direction and what I want to offer to the world have shaped me in ways I couldn’t have foreseen. I’m more present, more at ease, and more inspired than ever. And if I had decided at any point along the way that the person I was then was “just who I am”, I shudder to think about the consequences that would have on my mind, body, spirit and sense of connection I find today with others in the world.
I realize now that I definitely didn’t have this feeling at 23, the age my second born turned today. But at 50—this place I’m affectionately calling half-life—I can see the high points, rocky points in the roads, moments of intense joy and gut-wrenching pain along the path of my life with clarity because of the evolution of perspective that writing brings. This journey has been a profound exercise in personal development, allowing me to grow and understand myself in ways I never imagined.
For much of life, we’re told that our identity is fixed—that who we are is defined by our experiences, our past, or even our mistakes. But the longer I live, the more I realize that we are not who we are; we are simply where we are in this moment.
This realization aligns with the concept of quantum thinking, which involves holding multiple opposing thoughts simultaneously to discern the appropriate one to act upon.
I’ve learned a great unlock in this process, if you are standing at a downturn in the road and you feel fear creeping in, is to get curious about the possibilities about where you can go from here.
So many of the labels we carry—whether self-imposed or given to us by others—are just markers of a specific place in time, not the full picture of who we are becoming. And yet, we often cling to them as if they define us forever. *I’m just an anxious person.**I’m not good at relationships.*I’m not the type to take risks. These statements aren’t truths; they are simply reflections of where we’ve been standing.
I believe in the power of connection and learning through story—our lives are made up of them. But I also know how dangerous it is to get stuck in a story. It can begin to shape our reality, to limit what we allow ourselves to become. Some of the mistaken identities I’ve had over the years - shy, oversensitive, not focused, unloving, not cut out for this…the list could go on and on. I’m glad I didn’t stick with any of those labels, even though the process of releasing them too time and effort. Self actualization is a gift I will never take for granted.
One of the most powerful realizations I’ve had over the past few years is how limitless the human experience really is. If quantum mechanics and principles at the quantum level tell us anything, it’s that change is always possible—we are never as fixed or as stuck as we think we are.
There is a concept in physics that suggests reality is made up of infinite possibilities, all existing at once, waiting for us to observe and step into them. If we apply that idea to our own lives, it means that at any given moment, we have a choice: to continue reinforcing an old story or to step into a new one.
The words we speak, the beliefs we hold, the places we give our energy to—these are all shaping the reality we live in. And if we shift our perspective, even slightly, we start to see that there is so much more available to us than we ever imagined.
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of personal growth and transformation. It allows us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves—our thoughts, emotions, and actions. When we cultivate self-awareness, we open the door to self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-forgiveness, which are essential for leading a fulfilling life.
In my own journey, I’ve found that self-awareness has been a guiding light. It has helped me recognize my strengths and weaknesses, understand my values and motivations, and make informed decisions that align with my goals and aspirations. This deeper understanding of myself has not only led to personal growth but also professional success.
Moreover, self-awareness has enhanced my emotional intelligence, enabling me to navigate complex social situations and build stronger, more meaningful relationships. By embracing self-awareness, I’ve been able to break free from limiting beliefs and preconceived notions that once held me back. It has unlocked my experience of ever expanding potential, allowing me to experience life with a fresh perspective and a renewed sense of purpose.
I’ve seen firsthand how powerful this shift can be. The concept of 'appropriate thought' is crucial here, as it involves challenging preconceived beliefs and biases to navigate complex truths. Recently I had the blessing to visit Homeboy Industries. On the tour that morning with my dear friend Mollie, I witnessed people who, if they defined themselves by their worst day, would not have been the amazing people touring and telling their stories of human resilience, the mountains they have climbed and the amazing things they realized about themselves in the world during their ascent. Here they were, rewriting their stories, stepping into a completely new version of themselves, choosing to believe in something greater because of the depth of their spirits and the power of love, authenticity and real human connection.
They weren’t trapped by their past. They were standing in a different place than they had before.
It made me think—how many of us are unknowingly keeping ourselves stuck simply because we believe we are? How often do we let one experience, one chapter, one challenge define us, rather than seeing it as just another step on the path?
Discovering our true purpose is a journey of self-discovery that requires us to explore our passions, values, and strengths. It’s not just about what we do, but also about who we are and how we contribute to the world. When we align our actions and goals with our purpose, we experience a sense of direction, motivation, and fulfillment that is unparalleled.
In my own life, finding my true purpose has been a transformative experience. It has helped me overcome uncertainty and self-doubt, and has unlocked the experience of ever expanding potential for personal growth and professional success. Living a life of purpose has brought me a greater sense of well-being, happiness, and deep fulfillment.
Our purpose is a guiding star that helps us navigate the complexities of life. It gives us the strength to persevere through challenges and the clarity to make decisions that align with our values. By embracing our purpose, we can experience a deeper connection with ourselves and the world around us.
Change and uncertainty are inevitable aspects of life. They require us to adapt and evolve in order to thrive. By embracing change and uncertainty, we can develop a growth mindset that allows us to approach challenges with curiosity and openness.
In my own journey, I’ve learned to reframe obstacles as opportunities for growth and learning. This mindset has helped me develop resilience and perseverance, enabling me to navigate the ups and downs of life with grace. Embracing change and uncertainty has also required me to let go of limiting beliefs and preconceived notions, and to be open to new experiences and perspectives.
By doing so, I’ve unlocked my full potential for personal growth and professional success. I’ve experienced a greater sense of well-being and fulfillment, and have been able to approach life with a fresh perspective. Embracing change and uncertainty has been a powerful catalyst for my personal and professional development.
Life isn’t meant to be a single, linear narrative. It’s a mosaic—a collection of moments, lessons, detours, and growth. Each piece matters, but no single one defines the whole.
As I reflect on turning 50, on what it means to be at half-life, I find deep gratitude in the ability to zoom out and appreciate the fullness of it all—the heartbreaks and triumphs, the seasons of solitude and expansion, the parts where I felt lost and the moments where I finally found my footing again. These experiences have provided valuable insights into the complexities of life and personal growth.
The lesson in all of it? You are not one experience, one moment, or one version of yourself. You are a dynamic, ever-evolving being with limitless potential.
So, the next time you catch yourself saying, “This is just who I am,” I invite you to pause. Instead, try asking:
“What if this is just where I am?”
And then, with curiosity, start exploring where you could go next.
Well-being is a holistic concept that encompasses our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. By cultivating well-being, we can experience a greater sense of overall well-being, happiness, and fulfillment.
In my own life, prioritizing well-being has been essential for my personal growth, parenting and professional success. It has shown me how to prioritize self-care, participate in activities that bring me joy and fulfillment, and cultivate positive relationships. How we value well-being is also closely linked to our sense of purpose and meaning, requiring us to align our actions and goals with our values and aspirations.
By prioritizing well-being, I’ve developed a greater sense of resilience and perseverance. It has unlocked my ever expanding potential and allowed me to experience life with a deeper sense of fulfillment. Cultivating well-being has been a transformative journey, one that has enriched my life in countless ways.
This is just the beginning of a new chapter for The Optimist Journal, as a production of Be Better Media, as these have been different creations of where I have been and what I have learned on the path of life. Who I am will always be an act of becoming, and in acknowledging that, I am free to be authentic and of service. What I have discovered about what this looks like, you will find on both my Coaching site and Marketing site . I’m excited to share more in the weeks to come. And as always, If this post resonated with you, let me know—I’d love to hear your thoughts and where you find yourself on your own remarkable path.
If you're curious about where you might be headed next, let’s explore that together.
In the each and every blog, I am going to suggest a Book of the Week or Song of the Week because of the value and healing I have found in lyrics and written words.
My pick for this week is: Cherished Belonging by Fr. Gregory Boyle (Founder of Homeboy Industries...keep your tissue nearby)
Wendy
March 4, 2023
I don’t remember the exact date, but it was a sunny Friday afternoon in 2014. Clear blue skies on the beach, volleyball practice had been canceled for some reason, and there were four happy kids running around in the sand with nowhere else to be. They were all together, the little ones loving having the big ones around, and I remember thinking that life didn’t get better than this. I’m glad I stopped to take it in, because life keeps rolling but the imprint of that moment is still there.
Within two years, everything about those kinds of moments changed. Nearly 20 years of a relationship crumbled and left me digging deeper to figure out why. Yes, it takes two. Yes, even with love, the makings of the crumble were there from the beginning, but the feelings of guilt and shame left me asking questions and I wanted the answers. The relationships we have with each other are significant in the here and now, but they carry the footprints of the people who came before us too. I don’t say that lightly, or to search for a scapegoat or place blame. One of my core tenets in doing this work is that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know, but it is our responsibility to keep learning so we can grow and evolve into humans who connect more and hurt less. This is what I call generational healing and it’s been my North Star for the last six years…maybe even before, I just didn’t have a name for it.
So, what is generational healing and how do I define it?
Generational healing: When our connection with ourselves is rediscovered while we peel back the layers and make peace with past traumas in our family lines.
Why is generational healing important?
In this process we come to understand our inherent worth, strength, and the agency we have in our lives. We begin to love ourselves more, criticize ourselves less, and form interdependent rather than codependent relationships that create deep knowing of ourselves and families and communities where everyone is able to work from their strengths.
What happens if we turn away from healing?
I’ve heard it said that addiction is the opposite of connection. Addiction will always push away love and, according to Native American wisdom, will leave its mark for seven generations to come. It leaves fractured homes and dinner tables, violates safety and human dignity, and creates disparity in any home where it takes up residence. Eventually, whether that home splits apart or stays together, without the presence of healing energy, the home is broken and the patterns that come from that home create paths that wreak havoc on our health. This pain is expressed on every level from deep within the cells in our bodies and dysregulated nervous systems. If left unresolved, it cycles over and over again, cutting its path over generations of families that no matter how much they love each other, will cause each other more pain.
At this point, if you know me, and have been listening to my thoughts for a while, you are looking for the good news.
Where is the optimism and opportunity?
The answer to that lies in the agency that is within every single human to persevere, to look at themselves and what could be different, and begin to take little steps to make our lives better. I have always believed it was there for anyone, and now the stories that are flowing through my podcast are bringing the living, breathing, examples of human resilience that reinforce my belief that healing is always possible.
How does it happen?
It happens when we stop talking about other people and start talking to ourselves. It happens when we start to understand and practice the tools that connect us with our physical, mental and spiritual being. There are no silver bullets, but there can be a graceful pattern of trial and error while we discover what works for us. It’s a journey of reconnection through unlearning the exercises of control and survival as we discover how to be present in our bodies and minds and know that when we let go of the expectation of what ‘should’ be, we become grounded and calm knowing that through whatever will be, we will be ok. And from this new calm and grounded place energy flows.
What are these tools that help us connect?
Yoga, breathwork, prayer, meditation, journaling, whole foods, daily movement, music, animals, nature, grounding, talk therapy, physical therapy, chiropractic care, energy healing, acupuncture, social interaction, alone time, hydration, supplementation, fasting…the list goes on. I’m sure you could add some of your own. I don’t list all of these things to overwhelm but find hope that there are so many little acts of loving yourself that help connect us to our true selves. Figuring out your personal alchemy is fun, and it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
Generational learning is what we are after here at Be Better Media where one of my goals is to begin to reverse engineer the process of the generational healing we need by creating space for people to be heard and connect with their purpose. Gigantic visions are made up of little consistent steps everyday, but you don’t have to take them all by yourself. Come find me on What I Meant to Say to hear stories of other people committed to being better one day at a time. These conversations have created more moments in the sun for me and helped create more opportunities for health, healing, and ability to go with the flow in life by learning more about the human experience through other people’s eyes. Keep following along…it's getting better and better with the connections we make with each other everyday.
With optimism,
Wendy
There are a million reasons why people find it difficult to be themselves. Between codependency, people pleasing, FOMO, FOPO, traumatic experiences and relationships, getting to the essence of our being and feeling free enough to express ourselves is life’s greatest challenge and gift. Being that it’s almost the 4th of July and post that tragic Presidential debate, it is more enticing for me to focus on the freedom that lies within each of us when we learn to be more authentically ourselves and hope that our healing and autonomy create a groundswell for our country. I’m excited to start sharing a vision I’ve been working on for some time now that aligns with my nature as a mother and healer, my two favorite hats I’ve loved wearing in this life.
I’ve lived in many homes over my lifetime and I’d venture to guess there will be more. Home is a feeling, not a place for me, so the reason I am where I am right now is because of the feeling I got when I walked into this space for the first time. It was warm and inviting and safe; a place where I could hang my ‘Cultivate Calm’ sign and Maya Angelou quotes on the walls and start to find my way back to myself again. Built in 1937, it’s a happy house that is meant to be shared and nothing feels better than doing that with my kids, family and friends.
Beyond my life at home, guiding four kids through some of the most heart opening events and stories, as well as some amazing mothers and daughters that have become chosen family. I have gravitated to so many healing modalities from body and energy work to narrative therapy and yoga, each of them has played and built deep connections with healers that I believe are making the world better one session at a time. On these tables and in their classes, I have established deep trust and friendship with so many talented and loving humans.
I’m excited to blend what I’ve learned from them, as well as my training in The Emotion Code and Somatic Coaching work to help others unlock their own self healing and find the freedom that comes with our fullest expression of self. My creativity, wisdom and practitioner knowledge are finding a home of their own this summer, blending ancestral knowledge and healing practices to help elevate the path for young women and athletes. The first events of this vision will come to fruition this summer.
Stay tuned. I'm excited to reveal more information in the coming weeks about how you can get involved.
With optimism,
Wendy
March 19, 2023
I don’t remember the exact date, but it was a Friday afternoon in 2014. Clear blue skies, volleyball practice had been canceled for some reason I can’t remember, and our family was on the beach. There were four kids running around in the sand with nowhere else to be. I remember thinking that life didn’t get better than this. Simple is good and noticing that is even better.
Within two years, everything about those kinds of moments changed. Nearly 20 years of a relationship crumbled and left me digging deeper to figure out why. Disconnection, not just between two people, or even within a nuclear family…disconnection that goes back generations, to times when we thought toughing it out and keeping a stiff upper lip was the way to survive. I wasn’t around then, and toughness and grit to get through hard things definitely serve a purpose, but the disconnection that takes place over time because we turn away instead of looking within severs the root of our families.
Generational healing may sound heavy or complicated but what I’ve found is that it’s about finding our way back to a simple feeling, like that one I had on the beach. It's a work in progress, not a destination...but figuring things out for ourselves about why we are the way we are, and the kind of ripple effect we are capable of can feel really good. Our ability to connect with ourselves and not wiggle out of it or turn away when the things we encounter get uncomfortable, or distract ourselves with outside noise from the things that matter most. Our ability to be present, sit quietly, and take in our own thoughts, hopes and dreams and connect them with our goals and plans for our lives.
Only when we restore connection with ourselves can we peel back the layers and make peace with past traumas in our family lines.
In this unfolding and unlearning of the old ways that we thought were keeping us safe, we start to understand our inherent worth, strength, and the agency we have in our lives. We begin to love ourselves more, criticize ourselves less, and form interdependent rather than codependent relationships that create families and communities where everyone is able to work from their strengths. We stop minimizing each other, talking about what could go wrong and start looking how to make things right. Right isn’t perfect, it’s just a little bit better and more connected every day. No shame in the mistakes, just opportunities to learn and help each other navigate things more smoothly the next time.
What happens if we turn away from healing?
I’ve heard it said that addiction is the opposite of connection. Addiction will always push away love and, according to Native American wisdom, makes its mark for seven generations to come. It leaves fractured homes and dinner tables, violates safety and dignity, and creates disparity in any home it lives. Eventually, whether that home splits apart or stays together, without connection, the home is broken and the patterns that come from that create paths that destroy our health and relationships. This pain is expressed on every level from deep within the cells in our bodies and dysregulated nervous systems. If left unresolved, it cycles over and over again, cutting its path over generations of families that no matter how much they love each other, they still cause each other too much pain.
At this point, if you know me, and have been listening to my thoughts for a while, you are looking for the good news. Where is the optimism and opportunity? The answer to that lies in the agency that is within every single human to persevere, to look at themselves and see what’s working and what could be different to be better. I have always believed it was there for anyone, and now the stories that are flowing through my podcast are bringing the living, breathing, examples of human resilience that reinforce my belief that healing is always possible.
How does it happen? It happens when we stop talking about other people and start talking to ourselves. It happens when we start to understand and practice the tools that connect us with our physical, mental and spiritual being. There are no silver bullets, no biohacks, but there can be a graceful pattern of trial and error while we discover what works for us. Sometimes it takes ignoring what other people think and discovering what works for you. It’s a journey of reconnection through unlearning the habits of control and survival. Then we discover how to be present in our bodies and minds and know that when we let go of the expectation of what ‘should’ be, we become grounded and calm knowing that through whatever will be, we will be ok. And from this new calm we find grounded energy that flows.
What are these tools that help us connect? Yoga, breath work, prayer, meditation, journaling, whole foods, daily movement, music, animals, nature, grounding, talk therapy, physical therapy, chiropractic care, energy healing, acupuncture, social interaction, alone time, hydration, supplementation, fasting…the list goes on. I’m sure you could add some of your own. I don’t list all of these things to overwhelm you, but find hope that there are so many little acts to love ourselves that help connect us to our true selves. Figuring out your personal alchemy is fun, and it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
Generational learning is what we are after here at Be Better Media where one of my goals is to begin to reverse engineer the process of the generational healing we need by creating space for people to be heard and connect with their purpose. Gigantic visions are made up of little consistent steps everyday, but you don’t have to take them all by yourself. Come find me on What I Meant to Say to hear stories of other people committed to being better one day at a time. These conversations have created more moments in the sun for me and helped create more opportunities for health, healing and ability to go with the flow in life by learning more about the human experience and what we are capable of. Keep following along…better is coming with the connections we make with each other everyday.
Happy 21st Birthday Luke, thank you for teaching me how to stress less and love more. So proud of you everyday.
With optimism,
Wendy
I saw Top Gun this week. It’s so weird to see the actors of my youth get older. Like so many of us, it took me back to 1986, getting dropped off at the movie theater at least 3 different times to see it. Although I loved the story and cinematography, what struck me most was what a foreign storyline this movie was for my kids generation. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been in a movie theatre and had the feeling of American pride that I grew up feeling everyday. And although the movies we watch on the big screen are usually fictional stories like Top Gun was, they communicate a message about who we are as a culture and what we are made of that allows us to rise from the ashes of our darkest places. What we hear in so many places in America these days are about our faults, our division and the place of lack that will never allows us to connect to our greatness and create anything good. I shudder to think that my kids have heard that message for so long, they don’t believe in the America I do. They live in a world of more content and less connection. Short form messages that when tied together create a mentality of victimhood that creates wounds not warriors. And again I started to think about how we as an American society can inspire each other to BE BETTER.
One of my kids said to me this week:
“Most kids aren’t nice because they haven’t learned to care, not because they are choosing to be mean.”
Her words struck me hard and made me sad. We have to choose and inspire care in this world. When we stop trying to figure out where we fit in, we learn how we fit together. Enough with the labels and separation, kindness is inclusive, so let’s embody it and see where it gets us. Greatness comes through our own healing, it takes courage to do it and it is the only way to BE BETTER with each passing day.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there making a difference for the next generation. I was blessed to have a good one that inspired my optimist’s lens.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Exposure to new music bringing inspiration this week, check it out!
Kate turned 17 on Thursday. For anyone who hasn't followed her story, she's the one who stopped playing volleyball to be a theatre kid. And man does she blow my mind on that stage. It's so fun to see her risk, I would have been terrified of that at her age. Maybe she is, but she does it anyway. Thursday night, I looked around my family room, and they are all so big they fill up the entire space. Lauren cooked the dinner (Matthew handled the steaks) and all I had to do was do the dishes. What a shift of energy and life.
For the last five years birthday’s had a sad tinge in them, but I think we are coming out of that. I remembered that I had written some words of wisdom on The Optimists Journal on Lauren’s 17th birthday and I thought I would review and see what I have learned or would add with five more years experience. The things I said still ring true…but I’ve learned to be more direct and succinct. Over the last five years I’ve learned less is more, that it’s ok to let your words sit and be open to others interpretation of them. No more over-explaining. So I took the 17 things and brought them down to a Top 10:
I give these to you Kate on your 17th birthday, but they are for all of you. I can’t believe I have four that fill up a room. Birthday’s will always take you back to the first time you held them, and now so often they hold me in ways they don’t even know. Not because I’m not strong enough to hold myself, but because we are connected. And nothing feels better than that. Time marches on, and life feels normal. So much different than it did when Lauren turned 17. Whatever you are moving through, slow down and breathe, and day by day a lighter and wiser version of yourself will be revealed.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
As a writer, I am thankful that I have a good memory of my early life. So many of my thoughts take me back to places and days from long ago. When I am able to feel those feelings of the younger me, it gives me perspective for what I’ve learned and fills me with gratitude. Even if life doesn’t look like you thought it would, there is always something to learn about yourself and why you are here.
This week I visualized the playground for the kindergarten that had a fence around it to keep the youngest kids at my elementary school separated on their own small playground from the vast expanse of field and jungle gyms that was meant for the grade schoolers. I’m not saying it wasn’t a good idea for the little guys at the time, but it was only for that one year. I was young for my grade and I remember the scary feeling of the wide open space of that bigger playground. To me it felt like millions of kids and loud bells that would ring just when I got comfortable enough to start to have fun.
I think about these different playgrounds today…at 47, because it reminds me that we evolve to a point in our lives where we choose which playground we want to play on, and as long as we are willing to put the work in, so much of that choice has to do with our mindset and the way we feel about ourselves. For a long time, and without making a conscious choice, I saw myself on that small playground, I could see through the chain link fence and watch all the things that caught my eye, but I was a spectator. Whether it’s personality, life experience, or conditioning, in the end we have a choice to make. Whether you are an athlete, student, parent, or entrepreneur, the way you view competition plays a huge role in the choices you make and the way that you feel about getting where you want to go in life and we pass this view on to the next generation. Maybe you don’t even allow yourself to admit where you want to go. For much of my life, I know I didn’t, and it left me, even at 6’0 tall, feeling small.
The cool thing about life is that if we are willing to keep our eyes up and hearts open, there is no point of arrival and we can always learn new ways to BE BETTER.
One of my quotes that I channel frequently is:
“Compete with yourself, collaborate with your community.”
The places we go in life align us with people of the same interests and pursuits. Most of my closest friends have been made through sports - in the locker room, standing on the beach or pool deck, or in the gym. They have become my community, people who I want to support and see succeed. In sports and life, sometimes it can feel like we compete against those very same people we love to hang with off the court or out of the office. Sometimes they are even in our own family. But an abundance mindset helps us realize that we each have unique gifts and all we have to do is be more of ourselves, and perhaps less of who we think others expect us to be, and that abundant feeling starts to flow. This is where our true nature and talents are unleashed and we get to play on the big playground.
If you haven’t heard of abundance mindset before, you are in for a treat because it is the most freeing place to be in this world. It gives you the freedom to compete and evolve with more ease than you could have ever imagined. To put it in a nutshell it’s precepts go something like this:
Abundance Mindset
It will help you battle and more often than not free you from:
So wherever you are along this road of life, whatever you work on that you want to achieve, you will have moments where you feel you don’t belong, like the challenge is too big, your vision out of your reach. You may feel paralyzed with fear that you won’t make the team, create the business, get the promotion, or ultimately have the life you want to live. Come back to the present moment, breathe and identify what you are scared of. Then embrace an abundance mindset and feel the energy flow freely toward your wildest dreams and biggest goals. Don’t let your mindset get in the way of you and your best life. Take down the fences, do the work, compete with yourself, and collaborate with your community. Welcome to the bigger playground of life. It’s fun out here, I promise.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Since my 20 year old boy told me this song reminded him of me, I haven’t stopped smiling.
Our country is hurting. As much as I am an optimist who looks for the good and the growth in all things, you can’t have a week like this one and not feel like you have been kicked hard in the gut. When you attack anyone’s child, the horrific trauma of an unimaginable situation knocks us, especially a parent, to the floor. Immediately, we go to that place of how this could be real and what if that were my child? But in the aftermath of horror, we struggle to find answers we can agree on, and our ability to take to social media and broadcast our thoughts and feelings are real.
This is America, we all have the right to say what we think. For me, I needed to sit with this one. In part because there are no words that can undo another unimaginable tragedy, and because every problem within ourselves and our society has a symptom and a root. My mind always looks for the root.
As I walked through the WWII museum in New Orleans on Thursday, the tears rolled for the price we have paid for our freedom. Men my son’s age were shot down from the sky and sunk to the bottom of the ocean. The loss of life was immense, the heroism, unlike anything we hear about on the news today. My junior in high school just took an AP History exam and there was nothing from the 1900s on it. What are we teaching them? The difference between now and then is that as a nation, we were united in what we were fighting for; an American way of life, and our freedom. Today, there is a giant divide between what we are teaching them about America, and what our story is about that will translate into the way the next generation feels about being American. The words American exceptionalism are rooted in the human spirit’s desire to be free, not the egotistical way it is portrayed in the news and taught today. Freedom isn’t perfect, but it is the way every human being, at their core, wants to live and it’s the only way we find our path to our greatest potential. I am grateful for the exposure and understanding I have gained from my travels around the globe, but I am always proud and happy to come home because I believe that every day I can get up, I can make a difference.
Before you stop reading because you think you know where I am headed with this, I ask you to take a deep breath, decompress and settle your nervous system.
We are a country of diverse opinions and a power structure that has forgotten its roots and its people. Do I see a need for reform in gun laws? Absolutely. And I have friends that wouldn’t agree with me on that. Do I see a need to protect the Second Amendment? Absolutely. I understand the escape from the tyranny that birthed this country. And for that, I would be dubbed a gun lover. I am neither. Am I a law-abiding citizen that follows the laws in place? Yes. Criminals don’t. So to demonize the gun without talking about the hypocrisy within the government and the mental health and identity crisis we are experiencing as a nation will not solve the problem.
Do I trust the people in power to handle these incredibly important issues that set America apart from the rest of the world? No, I do not. Our leaders take to the airwaves in dramatic fashion, alarming an already traumatized public, with the full knowledge the outcome of this discussion lies between Congress and the NRA, not ‘We the People’. So while we argue and divide our homes and neighborhoods with no real ability to affect change, they seize the moment of our anxiety and pull at the fabric of what it means to be an American, thinking we will be scared into submission.
Yesterday, as we rode back to our hotel after the museum and the French Quarter with an African American uber driver, we shared stories. He told me that he was independent and free in his younger days, and now, from underneath his N-95 mask, he is more afraid of the world. I told him how my life experience had produced the opposite story. He was a chef and a musician, and clearly had some stories to tell. There was no judgment in our differences as we chatted back and forth. His message:
“This is New Orleans, be real, come as you are, we love you.”
Let that sink in, how does it feel? It felt good to me.
Where do we connect and find inspiration to BE BETTER these days? I see it when generations connect through music, the American table, and sports, but to feel it we have to be able to come down and experience American life on a cellular level. To feel safe in society, and with each other, we have to learn how to breathe, listen, and process even when we disagree and sense all of the things that are out of our control. Each of these experiences and habits take center stage in my life every day.
The tragedy experienced in Uvalde this week is immeasurable. The anxiety and heartbreak we feel as Americans are real. There are no words that make it ok. Today I trust people, not power, and work to be part of the parallel universe of kindness, connection, and community that creates the safety that the human spirit needs to thrive and do good in the world. This Memorial Day Weekend, as we celebrate those who have died for our freedom, I find myself asking the question again that has been in my mind for the last few years…what would happen if a growth mindset and mindfulness were a part of American politics? There are so many things wrong, and rIght now the only answer I can come up with that feels right is to breathe, connect, and tell the stories that inspire us to BE BETTER.
Sending love and prayers to the people of Uvalde, Texas. I don’t know what it is like to stand in your shoes, but you are in my heart.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
A song that always fills the void for me.
I usually don’t have the title of a blog when I sit down to write, generally speaking it comes last. But I have leaned into something new that has given me so much peace in the hardest moments of transition that I knew it was time to write about it. I’ve been working with Emily Hightower, a beautiful mentor who helps so many with her deep knowledge of the intersection of biology and psychology. To have time with her each week to process and apply what I have known intuitively forever has been a gift. Just like every athlete has a coach that says something in a way that instantly changes their process, Emily had a zinger for me a few weeks back:
“It’s about alchemy, not strategy.” she said.
Instantly I knew what she meant, and I connected with the truth that strategy is exhausting. When I fall into it, It doesn’t take too long until inspiration and energy feel tapped out.
Do you know what alchemy is? According to Webster it’s a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation or combination. But I have a new definition.
Alchemy is what happens when we lean in and trust our mind, body, and spirit and all the energy around us to support us in a process of growth and change…which life always seems to have in store for us in one way or another.
Whether it’s a graduation, new job, new team, beginning or ending of a relationship or launching a new venture, we can often get stuck thinking there is just a technical strategy to get from Point A to Point B. When we become aware of our own special alchemy though, we develop what works uniquely for us in the midst of all the data and universal truth out there. Alchemy is freeing and never forced and gives you the energy and ability to trust in transition. It’s what I depend on to create stories and coach others along the journey too.
It’s a time of year that always reminds me that change is the only constant. Somehow that should make me feel better at this point, but change is hard. As human beings we crave what we know, we will even repeat patterns that aren’t healthy because we haven’t learned to work with the alchemy of change.
Here are some of the ways we can honor alchemy over strategy:
Embrace what Is and look for the beauty. I encounter things on my path everyday that remind me of what I want in the future and things that feel different than how I thought I wanted them to feel. But finding gratitude for what is always brings me back to the infinite possibility of change and gives me the energy to work for it.
Work with your limbic brain. This is the most primal part of our brain that functions to keep us safe at all costs. If this part of our brain hasn’t learned to feel safe, our executive functioning logical brain will not be able to convince our body and spirit of anything. To work with this part of your brain, try using the pronoun you with any affirmations you use. YOU will finish this project. YOU will make the team. YOU are loved. YOU is the specific pronoun that speaks to this part of your brain, try it. It’s worked wonders for me and I think you will feel something release deep inside of you that unleashes a calm through any change or challenge you experience.
Work with your biology. There are so many active recovery strategies that I highlight in my High Performance Zen Course that you can engage with to promote cellular change in your body that your mind and spirit will begin to embrace. Through breathwork, cold plunges, yoga, meditation and sound healing, I have used each of these to develop my own healing alchemy through so much traumatic change. Whether the transition to single life and parenting or the ankle reconstruction I have been healing through since February, each of these processes that helped me create peace, self awareness and forward progress instead of giving in to self doubt in uncharted territory.
Try Reiki - Working with the energy in your body and the universe, reiki is able to stimulate the natural healing process to promote deeper health and healing. I would love to show you how. It’s calming, safe and gentle and you will love it. It’s safe for athletes, kids, I even use it on my animals and brings deep calm and connection to your mind, body and spirit.
What I know at this point is that life is one long transition. It’s going to bring you things that are greater than you ever expected and deliver blows that knock you off your feet. But trust in the alchemy that will bring peace to the process and help you BE BETTER with each passing day. Feel into it this weekend and enjoy it. Rest in the knowledge that what you need to succeed is within you and keep your eyes and heart open to what will add to your process. We are bringing it to you at BE BETTER. Come join us on this journey, and add your alchemy to this amazing process.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Check out this awesome flow mix that I love to write to. Music is always part of my alchemy:)
I’ve come a long way in the last five years. In March of 2016 I wrote my first Optimists Journal blog at a time when I was only putting my thoughts down in hopes that my kids would understand who I was and what I was thinking when they were old enough and ready to understand. Thanks to my awesome technical knowledge at the time, I lost the first 10-20 while updating my website…on my own, bad idea. From the start, my writing was a mix of sports, relationships, and mindset. Since then I’ve gone down many rabbit holes to discover the facts behind mindfulness, sleep, nutrition, recovery science, and how they relate to telling an optimistic, and ultimately triumphant, life story.. I have proven to myself that telling stories is an amazing way to heal, learn, teach, and encourage others to reflect on their own story to celebrate the good and learn from the challenges. Writing gives me clarity where I didn’t have it before, and helps me see where to step next on the path ahead. Over this time, the process has proven to be fulfilling in ways I didn't know when I started. At that point I just knew I had to do the next right thing. I’ve learned all about the depths of imposter syndrome and how to trust my gut. As I’ve moved through, one day at a time, my confidence and knowledge of myself and what I am meant to say and do on this journey has been a transformation from feeling small and unworthy to aligned and connected with my own gifts and talents and recognize how to connect them with all of the good and passionate people in the world.
I believe that the greatest gift we can give to the next generation is our own self awareness, so I work to do things that build mine, set an example, and teach them how to extend grace to themselves and others when things get dicey. If you have signed up for a membership, I wanted to thank you for being a part of this inner circle, for emailing me when something I say resonates or even telling me when you disagree. I don’t believe we all have to see the world the same, or that if you don’t agree with me, it’s a mark on your character. I wish I felt that sentiment throughout our society when discussing so many important issues of the day. My new site has ways we can keep up this conversation and learn how to be better together.
As always, I have a few takeaways and things I’ve learned through this process over the last five years:
Building a team of like minds, with a myriad of talents, allows everyone to do what they do best. No one is meant to walk this road alone. We are all connected.
I know real healing has happened when my inner life, outer life, and online life have massive synchronicity. The lessons that I have learned are also the lessons I can teach, and yet I continue to feel them again on a bigger stage with even deeper meaning. There is no point of arrival, just the continual pull to learn more and do better with the knowledge gained.
When I write, I feel a deep connection with my purpose: to connect generations through understanding of what makes us whole and create relationships that leave legacies.
Every moment of this journey, from second guessing, learning to be seen, letting go of the fear of what other people think, and even the days spent sitting in pajamas on the couch paralyzed with fear that I couldn’t say what I wanted to say on my own were an integral part of this journey. Like everything else it’s all connected and it all had to happen to Be Better. Nothing has been wasted.
Now you will get to see my vision to connect generations of athletes and parents and inspire them to be better, one day at a time, and create a community of excellence and inclusion.
What I know to be true today is that the process really is the dream, and every day I enjoy the process that I have created. Your process will create room for you and everyone around you to shine. And that is exactly what I want to bring forth in this new space. Are you ready? I am.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Because music is always telling us a story…
In the last week I’ve driven over 1,100 miles, much of it by myself, which gave me lots of time for podcasts and music, two of my favorite pastimes. But for some of it, I turned off all the sounds and just gave myself time to think. When I do this, I can feel my body settle, my blood pressure lower, and my mind relax. I find that I’m so curious about the world and what’s in it, I take in a lot, but it always requires time to integrate. Music and lyrics, as they do for everyone if we let them in, brings up feelings and emotions that help us identify our own human experience. It’s why I am slightly obsessed with the gifted songwriters out there. They have the ability to put the human experience on display in the most powerful ways in just a few minutes.
The morning of December 28th, on what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary, I woke up in San Luis Obispo. To be honest, it hadn’t occurred to me until I was pulling into SLO the night of the 27th and everything in me wanted to stop for the night instead of trying to make it home. Still, after everywhere I’ve traveled, it’s one of my favorite and most peaceful spots in the world. After dropping Luke at Stanford, the girls getting themselves home to SoCal in a separate car, and Matthew staying a few more days in Fresno, a night of quiet on my own, after the holiday craziness was calling and I was happy to be able to take it. Healing takes a lot of pattern recognition and coming back to SLO reminds me of what I knew about myself 25 years ago that I allowed to get buried, trying to make other people comfortable or, as they say, putting on the oxygen masks for others before you secure your own first. But as I travel the path, and trust that the people around me are doing the best they can with what they know, I find little room in my heart for regret. Of course the main reason for that is the four of them that have been the driving force of goodness in my life for 21 years. But beyond that, to know that wisdom is pattern recognition and that without the gift of time and the ability to slow down and listen, I wouldn’t know what I do about myself, somehow it all makes sense, and I find peace. The only expectation I have is that I keep learning, and am brave enough to apply what I learn. So I came up with some good areas of focus for myself for 2022 to take care of myself so that I can stoke the fire in me to bring the stories that I am excited about that promote generational learning and healing to the world. Hopefully you may recognize where some of these apply in your own life;)
Be kind, to ourselves first, so we can bring kindness to others. Maybe we hear this a lot, and it goes in one ear and out the other because we think we are already doing enough. Find another layer. Cut yourself some slack, stop the all or nothing thinking. In this space we can see the choices that we have in our lives. If there is one thing that I am convinced of from the stories that cross my coffee table every day, it’s that people fight battles within themselves and in the world that are greater than their Christmas cards will ever show. Kindness that starts with ourselves creates space to have these healing conversations that are vital to our lives.
Trust Your Gut. If we have been in situations where questioning our own sense of self or the reality that surrounded us was part of surviving, or maintaining some type of social equilibrium, we lose touch with what we know is true at our core - that each of us has a unique gift to bring to the world. Sometimes it gets buried under layers of insecurity and hurt, but the truth is it’s always inside of us, and its voice never goes away. I realize how long I have spent letting that voice stay quiet, and then slowly finding it’s way out, and the courage to do that has always come down to trusting my gut. 2022 is going to be spent writing and talking about ‘what I meant to say’. Every day is gift, and no, you have not missed your calling.
Spend time in silence. There is no greater pull on our intuition and intelligence than modern day distraction. In 2022, I want to grow my own mindfulness practice and help other people start or grow their own. It’s not only the place where we get to separate our thoughts from our actions, it’s the place where we are able to connect to the Divine. And that’s where the healing and sense of calm resides.
Sink in with my music, fiction, movies & animals. This goes back to being kind to myself. So often I have thought that these things are a waste of time, but when I look back on my most joyful moments of 2021, all four take a prominent and simple place in my joy. Rediscovering fiction was a highlight of 2021, when my back was hurt and it was the only thing that took my mind off of it. Now I realize it’s novelty is an amazing gateway to my own creativity and flow.
Continue to learn. This is the caveat to my above precept that people are doing the best they can with what they know. We must continue to learn. When we do, our story progresses instead of repeats…not just for ourselves but for the generations that come after us. And there is not a single thing in the world that motivates me more than that.
Promote conversations that heal. I’m thankful for the science that backs up my storytelling ways. From the neuroscience of flow and positive psychology, one of my favorite tools has been this VIA character assessment. It’s a great place to start on the journey of self awareness. I’m thankful that forgiveness always comes out in my top five character traits because throughout our lives, we need to extend that virtue to ourselves and others over and over again. And that’s ok, it’s part of the human experience. Silence doesn’t heal, the conversations need to be had, and forgiveness is always a healthy part of that process. In 2022, I’m looking forward to taking this to the next level.
Those green hills of San Luis Obispo reminded me that in this life, we don’t get do overs. But, if we keep our senses alive and hearts open, we have many opportunities everyday to do incredible things. In so many ways, a new year is just another day to learn more and be a little bit better than we were the day before, but there is nothing wrong with a little rest and a holiday weekend to remind us of the greatness we are all capable of. Some times you have to pause to pursue. Here’s to embracing the pause with all the kindness, love, and optimism we can muster and having the courage to say what we meant to say in this New Year. Can’t wait to show you what I have in store to do just that in 2022.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
