There is nothing like travel to remind you that there is always more than one way to do things. I spent the last week enjoying Spain with Luke, his teammate and his mom. Traveling with people can be an interesting experience, all of our true colors come out when we are jet lagged, lost, or have different opinions on where to go or what to do next, but we were in sync the entire week. I’m so grateful for this opportunity we had to travel together. Over the last few weeks and throughout our trip, as I battled some pain from this herniated disc I’ve been dealing with, watched New Orleans and the East Coast get pummeled by Hurricane Ida, and experienced the 20 year anniversary of 9/11, the idea of rebuilding and what it takes to do it right, has circulated in my head.
When it comes to our bodies, aging, and what I have encountered with mine the last few months, I often picture what it looks like when a toddler starts to walk. How they bend their knees, their heels stay glued to the floor, and they go up and down with ease a hundred times a day. To say that I feel a long way from that point would be an understatement, and I let myself feel sad for a minute because I miss playing volleyball and going to yoga so much. What I know for sure is that I know how to rebuild because I’ve done it before, and the process is always bigger than just me. Rebuilding doesn’t have to mean going back to the way things were originally, because as I’ve learned through my life and travel, there are many ways to do something right, and lots of ways that things can look and still be successful. In recognizing this, we open ourselves up to a lot of growth and progress along the way.
Ways to Rebuild With Intention
Work from Our Strengths - Whether we are talking about our own bodies and minds or entire communities, we are always best served when we are able to recognize and work from our strengths. Understanding what we do best or what our strongest attributes are helps lead us through our greatest challenges. I used to feel uncomfortable or less than humble if I led from my strengths, but now I see how that held me back from making my greatest impact. Every reinvention is built upon solid strength, make sure you know what yours are and don’t be afraid to share them.
Be Honest about Our Weaknesses - If we can’t assess and be honest about where we struggle, we can’t garner the support we may need to get stronger. Every person or system has inherent weaknesses, when we understand what they are, we can rebuild and fortify ourselves and our communities. It’s contrary to what our ego wants, but weaknesses can become strengths the more we shine a light on them.
Assess Our Coping Mechanisms - A solid rebuilding plan is based on having healthy coping mechanisms. Are we able to be transparent with our communities, or at least trusted members within them? As I heard so brilliantly stated at an #AA meeting I went to a few weeks ago,
“Our secrets keep us sick.”
I found that statement to be brilliantly clear. Community, movement, connection, music, breath, journaling…these are the things that will help us and future generations rebuild. Nothing that takes us away from the feelings we feel or tries to bury our hurts will put us in a position to rebuild and heal.
4. Be of Service to Others - Nothing takes us out of our own heads faster than extending ourselves to help someone in need. Sometimes there are storms in our lives that just have to be weathered. When these times come, we emerge from our own storm stronger when we are able to help someone else rebuild. Being a part of a greater community takes the emphasis off of us and the world gets stronger as it benefits from our effort.
5. Don’t judge - One thing I have noticed as I have come through the road bumps of life is that those of us with a few more bumps and bruises tend to be less judgmental of anyone else’s process. Nothing gives us more freedom to rebuild than admitting we do not know what another person has gone through until they decide to tell us, so why judge. We can only be of service to ourselves and others when we approach situations and people with an open mind. The best rebuilding projects come out of openness and collaboration. When rebuilding, forget knee jerk assumptions, listen, and get ready to do some work.
Rebuilding, whether its bodies, minds, relationships, or entire communities is not for the faint of heart. But I have seen it done time and again by regular people countless times in my life. There are things that haven’t faded since that fateful day 20 years ago like the 24 hour news ticker, longer security lines, and stricter measures to keep us safe. But what would it be like if the unity we felt as Americans was the same as it was 20 years ago. That is something that is worth rebuilding, and the truth is it starts with the mind, body, and spirit of every person in this country. Rebuilding the individual translates to stronger communities, connections, our country, and our world, so don’t let anyone tell you that what you do every day doesn’t matter. Choose wisely, go easy on the judgment both on yourself and others, and let’s see what we can rebuild together because as I’ve said so many times before, it’s all connected.
With love & optimism for whatever rebuild you need,
Wendy
Zac Brown was a big part of my last rebuild…was happy to find this new one this week.
Well, It’s been a few weeks…I’ve had to figure out what to do with this pain. I found out I have a 5mm herniated disc on my L4/L5 vertabrae, it’s the most physical pain I have ever felt, including four child births and three foot/ankle surgeries, so it’s taken me more than a minute to breathe through this one. Pain stifles my creativity and pain medication does not agree with me. It makes me sad, and sick. Add that to not getting to play volleyball or go to yoga and it feels like a self imposed quarantine. But that’s what I’ve learned, the healing happens and the inflammation subsides when I slow down instead of trying to push through. So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve been humbled by the people who reached out to see if I was doing ok, it’s amazing for me to see the connections that I have made through writing and it always feels good to know someone is thinking of you, so thank you;)
Thursday I had to get a prescription filled at CVS and when they said it was going to take 20-30 minutes, I walked outside and decided to buy myself an ice cream. I hadn’t eaten much of anything because of the pain and, all my life, when my stomach isn’t right, vanilla ice cream is my go to. Right away I noticed that the line was filled with mom’s attached to little kids in Catholic school uniforms who had just finished their first day of school and my life passed in front of my eyes. The little girl in front of me had a first day of kindergarten sticker on her shirt and my little girl who used to be an afternoon kindergartener in a Catholic school uniform herself had just called to check on me and tell me to be careful with my back. Somehow she’s a Movement Science major and a junior in college. Facebook and Instagram are filled with first day of school photos, from kindergarten to college, and no matter how fast the time seems to have gone, some simple rules of engagement have stayed the same.
Be inclusive, not exclusive. I’ve had conversations with this theme with people from grade school to college this week and have learned this first hand in my own life. We can never expect to get the most from ourselves or anyone else if we don’t create communities where people belong to something bigger than themselves. We never get bigger or better by making someone else feel small or not included. It’s a memory I have that goes all the way back to preschool playgrounds and childhood sports teams (yes, I remember so many details from that far back). And if we are honest, in the end, the only thing we get by being exclusive is an overwhelming feeling of loneliness in the end. Community and connection beat elitism any day of the week.
Work to be your best, it leaves little time to judge anyone else. This has come up a lot lately, there seem to be so many different labels and segments that society, culture, or the news want to put on us. It feels like so much time is spent commenting or presuming what other people are doing, thinking, or feeling, when we are so much better off taking people at face value and charting our own course to whatever next great place we are meant to go. Being who we want to be in this life takes a lot of time and energy, judgment of anyone else and the road they want to take is a waste of time. Choose who you want to be around, and let the rest of it go.
The more we love the simple, the grander life will be. If there is anything I know that I have taken inventory of as my kids have gone back to school, it’s the feel of normal life, of waiting in lines, driving them places, and making plans. We know what it’s like to have things taken away from us that we never would have dreamed possible, so maybe we have a healthier grasp on the simple things that are really important. Good conversations, dinner with our friends, watching sports we love…these are just a few of my favorites. I’ve learned not to chase the next thing, because the truth is the stuff is never enough, but the people and experiences always are.
For the pain I have felt the last month, it’s been good to know that the things I have learned that have brought me through difficult emotional times can also bring me through physical pain. Deep breathes, gratitude, and asking the right people for help (I’m getting better at it) are lightening my load and freshening my outlook. Next week Luke and I are off to Spain, a trip I didn’t see coming, and now it’s almost here. Working on decompressing, my spine and my life, and enjoy it a little bit more, because our time, our health, and the people we love are enough and I’m determined not to take any of them for granted.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Almost always something I love on the Spotify Release Radar…
Sometimes i wish i could push record on my nearly weekly therapy sessions because the lightbulbs that go off when I process my thoughts are so clearing. I’m proud that we have normalized the conversation around therapy in my home, helping my kids understand it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help or guidance has been one of my own greatest lessons. It’s hard to teach them what we can’t model and do for ourselves. I look forward to these sessions because it’s a time when I get to let my brain unravel and relax and most of the time I realize how much I do understand about myself, the world I live in, and what my gifts are. I know I’m curious, calm, and feel the energy around me…I also know I have a tendency to want to rush in and fix, try to help others to take the focus off myself, and that most of my procrastination comes from trauma that makes me afraid to express myself, and my therapist has a healing spirit who helps me work through this block.
One of my greatest fears is being perceived as less than authentic…imposter syndrome as they call it. As I walked with my friend Chrissy early Saturday morning, we were talking about this, and she laughed out loud
“You not being real is like you waking up short tomorrow…it’s not going to happen.”
Her analogy made me laugh and reminded me how important it is to have friends that see and understand us without projection or pretense and she tops for me in this department.
From its inception, my blog has been a day by day living thing…real to its core. Lately I’ve been having many great adventures and conversations that center around volleyball, community, and life, but not enough time to decompress and synthesize them, so last Saturday night I went to bed trying hard not to beat myself up for not writing something for my usual Sunday morning post. I’m such a creature of habit, I worry if I miss one that I might never write another blog. I used to have the same feeling about exercise, that if I skipped a day, my good habits would fall away. But the true test of being our greatest self is learning to trust ourselves in unknown and new situations; when to push harder and when to surrender to a different process. Sometime patterns need to be broken, sometimes the energy we need to sustain includes a break for ourselves. All the time we need to trust in our own greatness…because it lies within each of us and the fun part is discovering how to uncover it.
What does it mean to trust your greatness?
Understand you don’t have to do it all to be great. We don’t have to be the boss of everything, or know everything to say something. Our lens is different than anyone else’s, so why even try to conform? So while it feels like community connects in our sameness, our greatness is in our differences.
Know that greatness doesn’t mean great at everything, it means you know yourself well enough to understand what is unique about you. Yet another nod to nonconformity and your own original story, so create it.
Understand your triggers…but know the work doesn’t stop there or we end up in a deep pool of blame. We all have things that have built up some scar tissue around our hearts and while recognizing that is part of the process, feel it, name it, and find your own closure that doesn’t depend on the person or thing that pressed your button in the first place.
Trust that helping others discover what they are great at doesn’t take anything away from you. The world needs all the greatness it can get.
Believe that there is no conflict between true greatness and humble soul, if you feel it, don’t let someone else’s perception shut you down.
And the hardest part, both for ourselves and as parents, is to know that greatness requires both risk and failure. So if you set off on a path that doesn’t work out, trust there is greatness in the pivot, and then do the work to make it true instead of repeating an old pattern. To help make our kids great, they have to understand their own strength, and that is never realized if they don’t learn to do the work themselves.
Like that therapy I was talking about, the great thing about writing my blog is that it helps me set my own head straight and keeps me charging forward on my path. Hope it provides some inspiration for you as well to trust in your own greatness.
Happy Father’s Day to the dad’s out there, especially to my dad who has been both humble and great every day of my life.
With optimism,
Wendy
Another good one from my favorite album of this summer so far…
Have you ever just relaxed and let life happen? Think about it. We set goals, make lists, check our calendar and work so hard to make life happen while our shoulders get tighter, expectations rise, and sense of chasing pushes us closer to burnout. While I have respect for ambition, discipline, and drive, the more I let myself sink into this life, the more I realize that by this point, it’s showing me where to go, rather than the other way around. Maybe it’s always been this way and I have fought against it, but I realize that as long as we are open to learn about ourselves and gain skills along our path, the more naturally our path evolves.
Life these days is a lot less about proving the grind and leaning into the flow and I think that is a great practice to embrace as real life starts to kick up its pace again so I’m taking that approach with my blog this week.
I’ve been in my element capturing lots of game of life footage, connecting with amazing people and writing copy for my new website coming soon. Sports have taught me how to work hard for what I believe in, yoga has taught me how to surrender and find alignment and I’m bringing that all together in my own life and in the stories I am so blessed to get to tell.
I hope this Memorial Day Weekend finds you well and grateful for this amazing place we get to call home and the people who died to allow us the freedoms that we get to experience as Americans. We have had a wild year but there is still nowhere else I could be prouder to be born. I’ll be back next week with tales from New Orleans…my first trip and the biggest beach volleyball tournament in state history!
With love & optimism
Wendy
Leaving you with a new country favorite.
When the last ball dropped I didn’t cry. Sitting in the BYU Fieldhouse, I felt the emotions and understood the tears and the angst of the athletes on the deepest level, but something in me knew that it wasn’t over. I guess that’s my optimism swimming for the surface. It’s done it over and over again in my life, but as we all know, it’s one thing for life to mess with us, but it’s another feeling when it comes after our kids.
I’ve had the chills consistently since last Tuesday when Stanford announced that it would reinstate all 11 Varsity sports that were cut amidst the pandemic.
At the time of the cuts, it was the only thing where I couldn’t find a silver lining. Even when the senior season of 2020 was lost, and everything was closed, the thought that all of this would come back together at some point and the teammates who lost the time competing together would get to look at each other across the net at the next level soothed that feeling of lose, so the idea of that not happening after years of hard work was unfathomable. But in a massive reversal last Tuesday, the sentiment that it couldn’t be done was tossed out the window, and 240 deserving athletes got their training ground back and, with that, the silver linings began to emerge.
I’ve spent the week reflecting and talking with people involved in the monumental effort to reinstate these sports. Being a part of an effort on the smallest level that kept the faith, but more than that put in the work (for many it was the equivalent of adding another full time job on top of the one they already had) to make reinstatement a possibility was a rewarding life lesson on the deepest level. Relationships were built through adversity and friendships were forged through mutual understanding of what was at stake and almost lost.
One of my favorite conversations this past week was with Jeremy Jacobs, Stanford volleyball alum who spent countless hours, on top of a full time job, and a family with two young children. When the Volleyball Magazine pictures emerged after the BYU game, he cried in his kitchen, with his wife, who was the team manager when he played at Stanford. Real families have emerged from this storied program and inspired his fight…I got a strong sense in our conversation that we wouldn’t be where we are today without him. Our conversation had the quality of the angsty athlete, the one that always feels like there is more they can do, that slightly dissatisfied feeling that keeps us moving forward in life. He wanted to give back to the program in a way that he said he felt didn’t manifest on the court during his playing days. While I’m sure that he is being harder on himself than history or Coach Kosty would remember, what a blessing for this program that his grit inspired the hours of work necessary to stand where we are today.
It occurred to me during our conversation that maturity is wanting to do something greater for the next generation than you were able to do for yourself at a earlier stage of life and awareness.
It’s using the gifts and lessons that we didn’t even know we were acquiring at the time and letting them serve the next generation because we had our eyes open and the courage to build our own self awareness.
Although so many advised against it, optimism kept me believing that we could battle a giant and win. When the door was cracked open by the administration at Stanford, 36 Strong was there to inch their way through, having put in the work to deliver a plan that serves not only the athletes and programs, but sustains the training ground for life and the stories and relationships that come out of them. In the end, that is the real win. Playing days are something to be cherished, and while bodies in motion at the highest levels of the game are always something that are awe inspiring for me, it’s the qualities and experiences that become part of who we are on a mental and even spiritual level that make these athletes the people they were born to be.
I had the chance to talk with Olympic volleyball great Reid Priddy the day that the reinstatement news broke so inquired about what he thought the news meant to the game:
“I was recently asked if volleyball was as big when I was young as it is now and the simple answer is no. Through the years of being in this sport, it seems there is a close correlation between the amount of opportunity at the collegiate level with the growing demand at the junior level. In other words, the more college programs there are, the more the game grows beneath it at the junior level. So the threat of losing one program (albeit a cornerstone program like Stanford), has a ripple effect at the junior level that is hard to quantify but anecdotally seems quite significant. Seeing Stanford reinstate the program not only directly helps those that are associated with Stanford but maybe even more coaches, athletes and clubs at the junior level.” - Reid Priddy
Thank you for taking in new information and recognizing the need to change Stanford. The ability to listen and change our minds when we learn something new is a sign of incredible strength. Let’s go forward together and fulfill not just the athletic vision that was given new life on Tuesday, but all of the amazing plans that Stanford has in it’s sight. Optimists know that we are stronger together, that we lose 100% of the battles we choose not to fight, and that we all have so much more in common than the things that set us apart, especially when given the opportunity to align with our passion. Thank you to everyone who worked tirelessly, with our team lead by a charge of a mom who just wanted our guys to have the experience her son had, to keep Stanford the place that my son remembered from some of his earliest memories. There is a story behind every single one of these 240, and I’m so thankful that they get to keep telling them.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Because it’s Sunday…the lyrics that reminded me
“Everyone needs a hug.” - David Smith - Olympic Gold Medalist, Cancer Survivor and paraplegic
Today I don’t think any words could be more true. Did you know that a twenty second hug with your weight over your own center of gravity is one of the human connections that completes the stress cycle? This was one of a thousand fun and interesting facts I learned in the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. But when was the last time you hugged someone for 20 seconds? I hope for your sake it was this morning, or at the latest yesterday, because it feels so damn good. But it wasn’t just the notion of the hug that I took away from this little piece stress cycle wisdom…what do you make of the importance of maintaining your own center of gravity? We have to take care of ourselves first, maintain our own sense of self, and be responsible for our own lives. Only then we can form the deepest and most secure bonds with the people we want to hug.
At dinner on Thursday night, Matthew was complaining about having to learn history before his quiz on Friday…it’s boring, what’s the point he says? Bring on the discussion that what we don’t learn from history we are doomed to repeat, and that isn’t just true in big heavy text books, it’s the same in our relationships and lives on a day to day basis. My baseline motivation for writing has always been to take the journey into my own state of mind and sharpen my self awareness. When I started my blog, it took on the purpose of passing on through story, things that I wanted my kids to know so that they could both understand their innate worth and recognize the patterns of codependency that ran through our family, so that little piece of history doesn’t repeat itself . Through these conversations, we have learned to handle stress and challenge with vulnerability and humor, and while we are still working through a lot of questions and newness, there is an emerging strength that I see in the conversations, the laughter, and the connection we have built.
I see the world in concentric circles now. We start with ourselves and what we have the courage to acknowledge and learn. Then we can embody it and pass on to the people closest to us. From there, we can take it outward into the world. It takes confidence, courage and self love…the themes that I observed as I took inventory of my blog and put them into my book 365 Days of Optimism.
Life as a single mom is stressful. Sometimes it feels lonely, like you will never have someone who truly understands what it feels like to be in this world with these kids you love so much. But in the next moment, it is empowering, and you have never had a better reason to work through every obstacle to reach the next peak. Knowing I have support from people who love me, the tools to complete the stress cycle and live not just in my mind, but step out on that court or onto my mat and live in my body, and belly laugh with the people closest to me, helps me know that it’s all going to be ok, no matter how much newness is coming at me on any given day. Fluid, flexible, and flowing…this is what I’m aiming for. Believe in your ability to adapt and become your own hero. Stand squarely on your own two feet and be the next great 20 second hug that someone needs. Here’s to interdependence, not codependence and many more 20 second hugs with our weight planted firmly on our own two feet.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Music is another great way of completing the stress cycle…songwriters get it in the best ways. Heard this at the Listening Room in Nashville sung by the writers. What we can’t acknowledge, we can’t heal. Powerful.
I have a theory that keeps running through my head. It is based both in self compassion and growth and goes like this:
When we are younger, we learn big things… how to talk, play, and relate with others, we find out what we are good at, and what we can do with those talents. Most of us follow a similar path with school, friends, and relationships, and paint the canvas of our life with big broad strokes. If we keep it within the navigational beacons, (thanks to my brother in law for coining that phrase) many of us get to a similar point in life. As we get older though, little cracks start to form in our canvas and affect our daily life patterns and relationships, in large part because our subconscious patterns, that we haven’t taken any time to become aware of, begin to chip away at the days that once seemed so simple. The good news is, we get to make the decision anytime along the way, to acquire a finer paintbrush, and use it to create the little strokes that lead to greater self awareness. This is the brush that fills in these little cracks that have formed on the canvas of our life. If we do the work, we lead a more connected and expansive life. If we choose not to, the cracks weaken us and we end up living a much smaller existence just to survive it all. It’s up to us to decide if we want to go from the school art project that our mom hung on the fridge to a beautiful scene or landscape worthy of a great gallery. Contrary to what society or social media might led us to believe, that great gallery isn’t reserved for the most popular, but for those who decide to take on the challenge of knowing themselves better and uncovering the power of their story. It’s a brave process and sometimes painful in the short term, but as we have the courage to work through it, I believe we always come out better for it. Each of us is so unique, yet we also desire so much to connect and belong together. The only way to find that deep connection with others is to find it first within yourself by discovering your own uniqueness and the strength that lies within it.
In 2020, I am growing my life design coaching to include curriculum that helps people uncover the power of their own story. We each have unique gifts, the powers I have uncovered for myself in this process the last few years are the strength in my calm demeanor, and my ability to disarm and create genuine safety in conversations with others. Uncovering these strengths and not being afraid to acknowledge them, and then learn to use them to help others, has been an empowering process. As I build out a coaching curriculum that includes aspects of mind, body, and spirit, I can help people uncover the power of their own story to help them realize the path to their fullest reality.
Mind - Relationships, parenting, transitions, patterns of limiting beliefs; these are among my favorite runways to explore. Do you want to work on your relationship with yourself or others? Is there a transition, whether a new job, a move, or the beginning or ending of a relationship in your life? Are you trying to create a happier, more productive home with your children? I have experience in all of these areas and a non judgmental listening ear.
Body - Sleep, Nutrition, Movement, Recovery...they are all part and parcel of a healthy life. Are you looking to feel better, lighter, or more fit in 2020. All of these major areas of health in our lives can be broken down into small manageable steps that lead to a sustainable game plan to a healthier, happier you and there are practical tools to make this process successful.
Spirit - Our spirit is about connecting with things that we cannot see but can definitely feel If we are open to it. Are you blocking the good things in life that are yours with negative energy? Are you speaking to yourself in a way that affirms your best life? Do you recognize a power in the universe that is bigger than yourself? Connecting to something greater than us is one of the most compassionate ways to view your own story.
Life is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.
Your self awareness is the key to unlock your fullest potential and 2020 is all about your vision being clear. You have all of the answers, but sometimes it helps to have a fresh look at the situation to understand where your mind might be getting stuck. A coaching session with me is a calm place where my clients are free to dialogue about where they are today, where they want to go, and what, if anything, is standing in their way. I use my trained, non judgmental ear to help you discover more about yourself and the answers that work for you. Sometimes it’s the tiniest brush strokes on our canvas that make the biggest change in our picture. I understand that safety and belonging are among our most important needs as human beings and strive to provide that environment in each coaching session.
If you want to uncover the power of your own story in 2020, click here. Here’s to staying present but also to the excitement about all this new decade has to offer any of us willing to put in the work.
There is a picture on my bookshelf of a quote that I like. It reads:
“She needed a hero, so she became one.”
For most of my life I would have said that sounds like someone who is full of themselves…today I say it’s the quote of someone who has challenged themselves to find the power in their own story and sees the beauty in anyone else who wants to take control of theirs. The twists and turns of my life have caused me to wrestle with some big narratives, whether it was my shyness, or finding my core values in an less than traditional family set up, life is better the more we understand ourselves how know how we want to show up in the world. But, because I have examined my patterns and thoughts, I have found a level of connection, kindness, and calm that produce a deep level of contentment on most days. So many thoughtful conversations come from considering your own steps and observing others and then knowing what questions to ask. The nature of the narratives of our lives is that they are personal, what is true for one story, may not work for another…which is why we should stay away from judging other people’s perspectives and either bond with what we have in common or can find compassion for, or set boundaries to protect what we see as our best way forward in our own life. Going back to what I wrote about. last week, we can’t control other people, but we are solely responsible for creating the best version of ourselves.
Optimism doesn’t mean that every twist and turn of life is joyful and easy. In fact, it’s the tougher moments, the challenges, and even the stress in our lives, that comes to teach us and make us stronger. This reality gets sticky for me sometimes, usually around issues that I feel define my character and the way I present myself. I’ve had to learn to trust myself, rather than the outside opinions that I was a fan of taking in, and trust the gut that I have developed from a lifetime of listening.
At some point, we all have to take ownership for our own lives, figure out why we make the choices we do, embrace what we love about ourselves, and get after changing the things we don’t.
Because I believe so deeply in authenticity, but have also learned that not every story in our life is for everybody, I know that I have to be accept the fact that some will vibe with my personal philosophy of life and some will pass on it.
I had a little gathering at my new house not too long ago and when I stopped to pay attention, I was inspired by the generations of people that I find connection with. Every decade from teenagers, who are my kids friends, to people in their 70’s showed up to hang out. As I always say,
“pay attention to what you attract because it’s leading you to your purpose.”
This experience, hanging out with people who are a part of my life, whether at yoga, on the volleyball court or others who help me stay healthy and sane over the course of my days, inspires my belief in connection and generational learning and makes me want to create a world where people aren’t so guarded and afraid to tell their stories, so I lead by telling mine. It’s not for attention, it’s because writing is cathartic and creates a sense of belonging with people who get me.
Part of building a strong and supportive tribe is knowing that we won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and, if we try to be, we end up exhausted and hiding our uniqueness that we have to share if we want to create health and happiness in our lives.
For so much of my life I was the young one, always feeling like I had so much to learn, afraid to put myself out there, and yet with this little voice in my head telling me all kinds of cool insight and stories, probably why I enjoy my alone time. I didn’t know that learning to manage criticism and judgment were a natural part of gaining a stronghold on our own lives, so naturally, I tried to avoid anything that might draw attention to myself. In school, I was always the youngest in my class, then I got married at 22, so most of the couple friends we had were older than me because really, not many people, even 20 years ago were getting married that young. It’s only been in the passing of the last few years that I have taken over the roll of one of the older ones. It’s like my old soul has finally caught up, and now I want to make good on the time I have left, which has me thinking about some of the things I want to work on in the New Year…
I will continue to ask, and even more frequently, knowing that silence or even rejection (I still can’t decide which one is more internally uncomfortable) isn’t a reflection on my worth or purpose. I am the only one who defines it. There is always the possibility that a connection is created with a yes. If we control our own mind, an ask is at best a neutral position, and even better, we get a yes and move the ball down the field.
I will embrace the wisdom that comes with age and love myself for both the changes that come, and the work I put in to stay healthy and free. I’ve been putting a camera on my face more often and have noticed that my initial instinct is to be more critical of myself. I’m learning to put my face and my voice out there anyway, because what you see is the real me, getting better…and that’s the best thing we do each day for ourselves and the generations that come after us.
I will separate myself from judgment of anything but my own path, find compassion for my own story, and set the firm boundaries that create healthy relationships in my life. Today I know how to do this and I want to teach others how to feel the strength I feel from learning this essential life skill.
Why share your real story? Because it matters and it helps create understanding in this world. And you will indeed end up becoming your own hero when you find the power in your story. The pain is in the shadows, it begins to subside when we learn to bring it into the light. The challenge is to decide who to share it with, it doesn’t have to be in a blog…start with one person, find your connection, and the most beautiful healing will take root inside of you.
If we pay attention, history has a way of teaching us about our own destiny and fate. I have always loved a good history class. I’ve been fortunate throughout my life to have had history teachers who could communicate stories, some with calm, clear voices and some with more excitement that you could imagine, hands flailing around and even one who jumped off his desk, mid-lecture (George Cotkin, unforgettable, Cal Poly Fall 1992). Either way, these voices showed me the angles of history that could incite critical thought and great conversation...a testament to the power of a great teacher. In part, because these teachers sparked my interest in history, I became an observer of the people in my life that could tell me the stories that had come before me. Stories of strength and perseverance and grand plans that turned into reality. I have always had the sense that what came before me was there to teach me about my own life story and, I have been fortunate to have people put in my path to be proud of and to prove my theory true.
Today I woke up thinking about D Day. I don’t know how many people my age did that, maybe a lot, maybe not so many. I would be willing to bet though that there are far fewer in the generations younger than me, mainly because the storytellers of the Greatest Generation have not been a part of the younger generation's day to day experience and, as humans, we learn so much more through story and experience than hard text.
When emotion is weaved through historical data, it embeds in our hearts and minds in a much more profound and impactful way. I grew up with a grandmother who told stories of being stationed at Elveden Hall (think Eyes Wide Shut and, more recently, All The Money In The World, they were filmed there) in England in World War II. She was a secretary to General Partridge and one of the first members of the WAAC, the Women’s Army Auxilary Corp. Her stories were my first taste of ground breaking female strength and conviction, and I always admired the way she radiated those qualities in the most humble, grace filled way. She also used the tenacity it took to get her to that point of her life, defying odds and breaking barriers, to carry her through both blessed and, more importantly, difficult life circumstances after the war, always using that strength to be a constant light to other people who crossed her path.
In 2012, I had the opportunity to visit Normandy and see the beaches and rocky cliffs. It was the trip of a lifetime. Even better, I shared this trip with my dear friends, one of whom had been there before with his father Jack, who had shared his story on that trip, as they traced his journey through the European battlefront to celebrate his 90th birthday. Jack landed at Omaha Beach on June 7, 1944. Note the irony of that date. As fate would have it, his ship was delayed by bad weather after leaving England, and when it arrived in the waters beyond Omaha beach, the fighting had moved inland. Hours and even minutes can make such a difference in the outcomes of our lives. A delay of 24 hours could have been the difference that afforded him a life well lived. A story that includes a wife, six kids, and more grandkids and great grandkids than I can count. Jack turned 100 on September 6, 2017 and is still going to work today. Born just two days after my grandmother, and as fate would have it again, they became friends much later in life, after the war, going to party's, traveling together, and sharing a life that looked much different than the days of World War II. On top of that, I am fortunate to call Jack's son and daughter in law among my closest friends...like attracts like.
The strength of the Greatest Generation will always be something I admire and use to motivate me in our modern world, in the face of fading human contact and the instant gratification that we face as a society every day. I am so grateful to have had these stories passed on to me to wake up with every day. When I stop for a minute, and let the stories I have been told sink in, the universal truths are there for the taking. Perseverance in the face of adversity, belief that both fate, and our own discipline, choices, and actions, have a hand in telling our story, and above all, that love, family and friendship will carry a story through many generations, if we care enough and are brave enough to tell it. May we all have the courage to create stories worthy of telling to those who come after us.
