One of my favorite things is to wake up to an inspirational text from my friend Chrissy. She is an amazing writer and mom (check out her blog Life with Greyson + Parker) and when we met 10 years ago, we were trying to figure out the ins and outs of having kids on the autism spectrum, even though neither of us actually had diagnosis’s yet for our children. She is one of the best silver lining humans that I know, we are kindred spirit introverts that just get each other. As we went back and forth this morning, waxing philosophical even before we had had our coffee, our words pointed to what I was already writing about this week…our tendency as humans to compare ourselves to one another and the jealousy that it can create. I’ve learned over the last few years that there are so many ways to do life, and once we find the courage, it’s just easier to be ourselves, without apology, than think we need to copy anyone else’s journey.
For me that has meant connecting deeply to the world of sports…a place that has always been an outlet for my nervous energy but also one where I feared that I couldn’t hang. As a younger athlete, I lacked confidence and it became the thing that I most wanted to teach my kids, not just on the court, but in life, so they could find and pursue their passions, whatever those passions may be, and nothing makes me happier than to see them learn to lead doing what they love to do. We all need that place in life. As athletes my older two have had some of the highest highs, like achieving their dreams of playing at the Division 1 level, and also battled through lows like injuries (I think Lauren inherited my weak ankles) and heartbreak, (let’s get this reinstatement taken care of @gostanford), but above all have come through difficult circumstances on and off the court that shape their character and build their resilience in life in a way that makes me so proud. Through my parenting journey, I have seen how much the world of coaching and parenting intersect, and how comparing our lives to anyone else’s, diminishes our potential to make the impact we were meant to make on the world. Even saying you have the desire to make an impact is scary. It brings out the fear of failure and the dreadful feeling of imposter syndrome, that “who am I to" (fill in the blank).
As humans we have a tendency to compare and even be jealous of what other people seem to be or have in their lives when all that does is contract our own unique path. It’s got me thinking about the impact comparison and jealousy have on our happiness and performance, individually and as part of any team. Teams come in many forms…work, families, sports, clubs…anything that has an established culture that we are a part of, for better or for worse. This week I had the privilege to get the feedback from an masterful Championship winning volleyball coach and a 2016 Olympian on how they handle these concepts in their own lives, and on their own teams. I’m so grateful for these conversations and connections, here is what they had to say:
“Everyone on a team has to feel like they are an integral part of the team. People may have different roles on a team/organization, but each individual needs to feel appreciated, they add value to the central mass, and that they have freedom to fulfill their individual role. As the leader, I need to convey to the troops what is the environment that THEY would like to be part of. I then give verbal praise in front of the entire group whenever I see actions of the culture we want. Then almost a competition can develop of who can do the most “positive actions”, because generally people like to be praised! One of the first messages I will say after saying “hello” is that we are not going to have jealousy for one another. If I give praise to someone for positive actions, we are NOT going to talk negatively about the “doer of good deeds”. I ask for each team member to take a symbolic one step forward if they agree to not to be jealous of the doer. Then when I give the first positive comments to someone in front of the group, I will IMMEDIATELY joke and say to the group something like, “hey, we’re not mad at so and so are we?”. At the end of the practice, I ask for players to nominate one another as the “player of the practice” and the players have to be SPECIFIC why they are nominating a teammate (“Suzy reassured me after I mad an error”, “Sally’s servers were on and scored many points”, “Sam had that one incredible dig”. I make a point we want to honor physical plays AND selfless actions as well. This makes the less athletic kids know they can be honored by being selfless teammates. -Tommy Chaffins, Prep Volleyball Coach of Year, Max Preps Coach of Year, Daily Breeze 11x Coach of Year, Redondo Union High School Head Coach (and someone I have seen personally create culture where teenage girls learn to both support each other and compete!)
“I think jealousy is a good teacher. Usually when we feel bouts of jealousy they are signals that someone else has something we would like to have ourself. I think recognizing this before it becomes detrimental to yourself and/or your team is the number one key. Since feeling jealousy reveals those things we wish we could have, it can act as a gateway to walking the path to finding the best version of yourself as a player, teammate, athlete etc. If you feel feelings of jealousy because your teammate is starting and you aren’t, what actionable step can you take to improve your chances of seeing playing time more? Do you need to spend some more time getting extra repetitions at a specific skill? Do you need to spend more time in the weight room building foundational strength? This is just one example of how we can turn feelings of jealousy into positive actions. Another way to look at jealousy is through the scope of building your own internal confidence and high self-worth. Your feelings are ultimately in your control. When we are in an environment where jealousy is at the forefront it’s a signal that there is inner work yet to be done. There is never anything anyone is doing outside of us to make us feel jealous, those feelings are solely felt because of our own perspective of what is going on or what is being conveyed to us. Within a team we want to feel connected, and build trust and have a foundation of confidence from the coaching staff to the training staff to the players. Valuing one another and treating others with respect and full support is the main goal within a team. So those very fragile feelings of jealousy can easily be released if we focus the right kind of energy on them and take actionable steps to rid ourselves of them too. - Carli Lloyd, 2016 Olympian, Professional Indoor Volleyball Player, expecting mom, May 2021, writer of her blog, Show Up With Me - and someone who has the one of the greatest blends of compassion and competitiveness I have ever seen.
We find our purpose when we use our passion to create something unique to us that has an impact on something larger than ourselves. When we connect to our higher self on the most intimate level, our goals become so specific, there is no way to compare them.. Every week that I write, I get closer to making that impact that I want to make: to raise generational consciousness and teach life lessons through sports so we can make our greatest impact and develop deeper empathy for all of the stories of the human condition. My challenge to you this week is to get so clear on the impact that you want to make on this world that you can see who adds beautiful connection and collaboration to your life and that you you would never again dream to compare yourself to anyone else.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Photo credit: Anthony Moore (@amoorephoto_)
Brenda Cash (@brendacashphotography) for the photo in my email if you get my blog updates there;)
And because there is always a song that comes to mind. when I write….
There is a new piece of art that hangs over the doorway in my living room. It’s a rustic wooden sign from @HarperGrayce that reads:
“Cultivate Calm”
It’s become my mantra to back up my life philosophy and I love the imagery it brings to my mind in just two words. From my deep valley roots, the word cultivate reminds me of deep rich soil that grows sustainable, high quality things, and calm is the state I recognize as my gateway to peak performance. My new sign reinforces my life philosophy:
“To create calm and connection with every breath and movement.”
Understanding the value of deep calm in my life and home helps me channel it and take it out into the world. Zeroing in on your life philosophy is a fun, creative exercise that helps us drill down on what is truly unique and important to us. Once I realized that feeling of deep calm is where I feel most myself and perform at my best, I looked for more opportunities and techniques in my life to tap into it. Breath work, yoga, writing, mindfulness, and daily movement, are just a few of the ways that I have learned to help me find flow in my life, no matter what is going on around me.
For so many years, I didn’t know I was operating in a state of fight or flight, sympathetic dominant, always waiting for the shoe to drop. That wasn’t a place I could flourish, my body and mind were guarded most of the time, and I wasn’t able to capitalize on my own strengths. It impacted my performance on the court and in my life. Learning how to recognize my state and work with it has been a game changer (thanks @BrianMckenzie and @intrinsicway)! Although understanding myself on a deeper level has cultivated calm in my life, one of the greatest benefits has been being able to walk the walk and help other people understand what they are about by being real and sharing my own story. No one achieves anything great alone and the culture we surround ourselves with is an integral factor to the levels of success we will achieve.
When we know who we are, more and more we find ourselves in places that align with our interests and values, and the conversations and experiences just flow. For me these days, they almost seem to fall in my lap, and I feel the greatest sense of freedom to be myself. Alignment is a magical feeling.
As I chatted back and forth with another beach volleyball player the other day, the words that came to me were
“The forties are a decade of incredible power.”
Maybe that’s by design, it seems that we hit a place in our forties where if we are willing to dig in and understand the layers of ourselves, and what our life has created, we have an incredible ability to step into our uniqueness and power and create culture around us. I call it finding your ‘Type Be’. When we find it, we open up opportunities to create culture around us that points us toward what we should learn (and unlearn) in life. My passion lies in telling the stories that are universal in their struggle and unique in their experience to help people connect their lives with others. Whether it’s a team, a family, a community, or professional environment, when we are able to provide vulnerable leadership, we can inspire culture, and that is exactly what great coaches do.
This week, I reached out to a few mindful athletes and legendary coaches to get their take on building team culture and loved the synchronicity of what I got back from them, both with my own message and between theirs, because they play and coach for different programs. Here is what they had to say:
“The concept of team culture has so much depth. In the world of sports, sometimes winning or losing depends on the strength of your team culture, and the unity of the players. To me, no matter what “team” you’re on, whether it’s your work team, your family, or an actual sports team, one of the key ingredients to success is vulnerability. Having this trait opens the door to so many other things that make or break team culture, like the ability to have courage, trust, be honest, and be whole-hearted in what you do. Being vulnerable with teammates allows them to understand not just the surface of your being, but the deeper layers. And when everyone on the team can see this in each other, the culture comes naturally.” - Katie Kennedy - Long Beach State Beach Volleyball
“At Long Beach I think we have the best team culture. I say so only having been a part of the Long Beach culture, but Alan does such a good job in this aspect. I think it all starts with the coach, manager, and parents. Culture is a huge thing we talk about at Long Beach and that not one person is bigger than the team. We talk a lot about carrying our own luggage, which is carrying your weight, so you can then help people along the way. We always have each others backs and any sort of confrontation/accountability is all from love. Open communication is key.” - Mason Briggs, Long Beach State Mens Volleyball
“For me a strong team culture starts with empathy for others and an understanding of yourself, and that others will operate differently, and that’s ok. Once they can understand that they will see things differently and react differently under stress, they can give each other the space to be who they are, and help to fulfill each other’s needs through that understanding.” - Stein Metzger - Head Coach UCLA Beach Volleyball
All of these quotes reinforce my belief that our ability to lead and build strong team cultures happen when we soften our ego, genuinely root for each other, and compete to be the best version of ourselves. Healthy, interdependent team culture is rooted in a ‘we, not me’ mindset and the ability to hone our own unique skills whether we lead from the sidelines, are the star of the team, or anywhere in between. Each of these quotes remind me of the ripple effect we have on each other and the importance of surrounding ourselves with great people with tireless work ethic who know how to work and love at the same time. Our choices, actions, and most importantly, our ability to understand our deepest motivations, make us leaders that create deep calm in others and inspire confidence to compete without the need to be anything more than who we are in this moment. Work hard, stay present, and trust that the path will appear…even in my most difficult moments, this formula for deep calm hasn’t failed my team yet.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Photo Credit: Anthony Moore @amoorephoto_
My song this week - piano and some great lyrics are tough to beat.
I was in 9th grade in 1990 when the AVP came to Lost Lake, just outside the Fresno city limits on the 41 freeway…the gateway to Yosemite and some of the world’s most breathtaking views. My family had always been more for the mountains, but I had been to the beach a handful of times and knew from my first breath of ocean air that it was my happy place. Fresno loves it’s sports, and although it was just for two seasons, we brought the beach to the edges of the San Joaquin River and just like Field of Dreams said:
“If you build it, they will come.”
And they showed up like Fresnan’s do. In the heat, with their umbrellas and water bottles. 20,000 deep off center court for the another Smith/Stoklos vs. Hovland/Dodd battle.
Check out the 1990 Fresno Beach Final Here
I remember the day before the action began they ran a players clinic of some kind, and I went, along with a friend from my volleyball team. I remember telling my mom after playing a mini game with Smith/Stoklos and my friend that I could die happy now. I remember having the biggest crush on an up and coming player…I wonder what ever happened to Eric Boyles? I had fallen in love with the game the year before the AVP came to town, laying on my bed, setting pillows in the air. I was the kid who only liked to go to school during volleyball season. Getting out of class early to go to games in junior high was the highlight of those two years for me. I love to tell my kids that I learned to play on blacktop in 6th grade with 9 players on the court and my favorite play by the 8th grade was to block serves…because for some reason you could do that. The game has changed a lot over the years but my love for the sport has only grown. I have a special place in my heart for the gentle giant, I can spot her from a mile away, often a middle blocker, like I was, and I want to help her feel comfortable in her skin, take up space, and unleash the power that is within her.
Since these early days, I have spent many hours in the gym and on the beach watching my own kids play. I feel so much connection with the conversation that happens surrounding the game, and, while I appreciate learning all of the technical aspects and love to watch high level execution of volleyball in all it’s forms, my passion lies with the life lessons, the mindset, and what we can learn about ourselves with the experience of every practice and game. Confidence, discipline, grit, resilience, non judgment, cooperation, presence, self control, consistency, compassion, kindness…I feel every one of these lessons pour into my consciousness moving my body through six games on any given morning without a dollar or a medal on the line. I feel so blessed to have learned enough to keep playing, keep growing and keep getting better…on and off the court. And yes, one definitely inspires the other. In between games, the talk is real about parenting, relationships, work life, and all the challenges that come with living life to the fullest. It’s one of the reasons I started The Optimists Journal…to share what I’m learning through life, encourage other people to be real with what comes their way, and create an intergenerational conversation through sports that inspires greatness and maximizes the human potential in each of us. Life never stops trying to teach us, we get to choose if we are going to dig in and do the hard work to understand the deepest parts of ourselves and do the learning (and unlearning) that has to happen if we want to level up, or ignore or try and go around the challenges, only to discover if we do, we keep swimming in the same small pond. Everyone has a story, and the world is better off when we tell them, bumps, bruises and all, so we can learn from them and elevate what happens going forward. What isn’t acknowledged is bound to repeat itself.
Over the last few years, writing this blog has been my constant weekly companion. It’s a joy for me to write whether one or a million people read it, but I’ve always had an energy inside of me that tells me to keep going, that I am supposed to reach more people to spread optimism and help them find deep calm in their lives. My favorite conversations happen one on one, and I love my life playing volleyball, parenting, and learning how to grow myself and others through coaching. Some days I’ve found myself feeling selfish that I want to go out and spend the first couple hours of my day playing volleyball…maybe there is something more productive I should do that little voice in my head whispers. But most of the time the pull is too great, so I tape up my knee and off I go. And lucky for me that I did a few weeks back or I would have missed an amazing moment of connection with Anthony Moore of @amoorephoto_ (check out his Instagram, it’s beautiful). We have become fast friends and have created an amazing collaboration with his incredible volleyball photography and videography and my ‘game of life’ stories to inspire generations of athletes, coaches, and families to level up…on the court and in their lives. We’re just getting started and I hope you are feeling as inspired as I am to follow along…more to come on that!
As I watched the YouTube video attached above of the 1990 Fresno Beach AVP Final, one of the commentary segments was an interview done years later, asking these four legends of the game to reflect on the Fresno Beach Open. It was shot at 16th St. next to the courts I play on every week. Life has a way of creating patterns that are hard to ignore. If you pay attention they will help you understand the impact you can make on this world. We all need a place in life that inspires us to dream big. Do you know where your place is? Find yourself a community of believers, and focus on the journey, and the destination will take care of itself. Life is art, and we all have a contribution to make.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
If you are still getting to know me…I am a major country music fan. I love listening to Thomas Rhett, he’s been growing up in front of us for years, but he put the story in this new song.
Photo Credit: Anthony Moore @amoorephoto_ of Traci Callahan @callahanvolleyball
I can feel the shift. I know we are all afraid to anticipate things at this point, because everything in our lives over the last year has taught us the only thing we can count on is change, disruption, and a chance to do things very differently, whether we like it or not. But the vaccines are rolling, I’m sure we all know quite a few people who have had two rounds, and a year ago at this time we didn’t know we would need a new vaccine to live life to the fullest…but it came to pass and if we are among the ones still here, it feels like its time to get down to business.
This week I’ve been reflecting on what we’ve learned since last March. It’s strange how I want the world to be normal again but at the same time not sure what that is anymore. Going back to the way it was almost creates a weird feeling of anxiety in me…one that I know I will get over when whatever normal is comes, but at the same time makes me think about how intentional I want real life to be. I don’t want to sling shot back into the rushing around, sitting in traffic, slotting every minute of every day. COVID has been a worldwide tragedy, but as so many things in life are, there is a duality to what we experienced and the slow down for me for an introverted homebody like me has been more than refreshing on a lot of levels. So I sit here today asking, what do I want the return to look like and here are a few thoughts I came up with:
Live BIg. With over a half million deaths in the US alone, it is clear that many loved ones have been lost and that experience is devastating. The way to honor those lives lost though is to live bigger and less afraid than ever before. The impact of the lives lost in the last year has been so immense, it can only illustrate how precious a day on this earth can be for ourselves and the people connected to us. If we are still here, we still have a purpose that is asking to be fulfilled. How will you meet that challenge? Do you know what that purpose is? If not, how will you discover it? We short change ourselves in life when we play small or live consumed by worry or fear. The better we get to know ourselves, the more we will be able to map our our purpose and unleash our impact on the world. And even when that natural fear creeps in, we know how to recognize and reframe it to keep leveling up. We can honor ourselves, and the people who aren’t with us today by living a life of impact.
Gratitude for simple things. The routines that have come from a slower pace of life are refreshing. Time to appreciate the little things like morning light, the right cup of coffee, or time for a second one, and sunset walks after dinner. Life before had almost eliminated the concept of sitting down to dinner. The deep things in life are strikingly simple, but if we get moving too fast again we forget to notice them. I’m vowing to myself not to make that mistake.
Be More, Do Less. Coming through the challenges we have in the last year has given us a chance to evolve, to know ourselves better, to develop more empathy, and understand that people and their beliefs are complex. How can we not live with less judgment and more presence now that we realize how drastically life can change worldwide in what feels like and instant? We’ve been given the chance in the last year to know ourselves better, understand what we value and in being forced to slow down feel more. Time to sink into ourselves and understand more what we want out of life, and I don’t want to go back.
As I was out on the beach this week playing and watching some of the best volleyball players come alive with the chance to compete, the energy and joy was palpable. It was life being fully lived, without fear, or judgment of who was close to who and people embracing strength and health and it felt so good. I don’t want to lose the connection I felt, the nicknames, the inside jokes, my girls bonding over TicTok and Netflix, but the time is coming, normal is coming…it’s time to decide what we want our normal to look like.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Squarespace isn’t cooperating with me to get a song on here this week…Technical difficulties!
Photo Credit: @amoorephoto_
I’m in a strange spot with my blog this week…having a hard time tying it all up with a bow, even with the most amazing energy and butterflies in my stomach for what is to come. But it’s Sunday, and I’m a creature of habit so I’m checking in.
Trust your vision and work to clarify it.
These are the words that come to me time and again in my mindfulness practice. I started my blog to find clarity on my own journey, and with the hope of helping the next generation learn things from my insights, grounded in optimism, younger than I learned them. I like to call it the ‘game of life’.
I feel such a connection, not just to my own kids, but to the relationships I have made because of them. It’s so easy to generalize, and put a label on a generation or a group of people, one of life’s greatest lessons for me has been to challenge myself not to do that; to take the time to get to know people, one on one, rather than believe a label or what someone else has said about them. Real connection is the name of the game and when I have one on one conversations with kids from this next generation, their strength and insight inspires me. I’m grateful for my strong emotional memory, because I can still remember what it feels like to be 15 or 18 - both the joy and wonder of it, and the struggle. And each time I get the chance to be with one of these remarkable young people, I am in awe of their wisdom and strength. Yesterday, that was my experience with Allie Taylor, almost 14 and showing up for it all in life. I shared some of her wisdom back in November in this blog - What Matters Most - about how we can honor differences, get along, and understand each other better. She knows it’s good to have a passion and apply yourself to it - her’s is dance and music. I had the blessing of seeing her Christmas dance production and it brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful. She understands that challenges come along to make us greater versions of ourselves… and she meets hers head on with bravery and love. Her game of life is the stage, much like my third born Kate. And the lessons of discipline, tenacity, confidence and so many others are the same as sports. Passion is an amazing catalyst for growth. No matter what our age, we are all works in progress, and passion for what we want to create in our lives will open us up (and hopefully allow our ego to soften a bit) for new insight to impact and change us.
This past week, the signs have been everywhere for me. The energy has shifted and doors are opening I wouldn’t have imagined a week ago. The game of life has been in full swing…from Save Stanford Men’s Volleyball, to watching Luke’s first college game on Zoom, to anticipating the opening of TCU Beach Volleyball season next weekend, to a trip to St. George to visit one of my dearest friends (credit 1990 volleyball season for our lifelong friendship) the theme is there. What we learn on the court, we carry with us our entire life.
From my deep clay roots to my bare feet in the sand, this process of evolving and paying attention to the energy I attract has taught me that the greatest journey is one of openness and strong boundaries, inclusion and the ability to honor our uniqueness, and forgiveness, both of myself and others. With a spirit of non-judgment, we can help generational stories evolve into traditions of strength and deep inner knowing that make the world a more healed and stronger place. When we find our passion in doing the work, the sky is the limit, and what is coming has my heart full of gratitude and excitement. I can’t wait to share it all with you.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Feeling these lyrics this week…a little wisdom from Florida Georgia Line
While I’ve always felt that it is important to ask the question, because it happens a lot in American culture these days, I don’t live vicariously through my children, but I am always willing to take a stand next to them if I have seen them show up in full force for themselves. Maybe it’s easier for me separate my dreams from theirs because with four of them with various interests and abilities, there wasn’t always time to sink deep into their experience, it was more a matter of making sure the parental things were done, like signing permission slips, making reservations, driving, and of course paying for things. But as we go through these quickly passing days as parents, we get attached, not to their success, but to the people that they are becoming in front of our eyes as we sit in the stands, watch them perform, or drive them to practice, because as they pursue what interests them, they learn how to take ownership of who they are, and from there, learn how to lead themselves and others, and, no matter how many games they win, there is no greater feeling than watching leadership and grace under fire develop. For Luke, since he was 12 years old, that place has been on the volleyball court and being asked to pivot on that commitment isn’t ok, not for him or any of the other athletes involved in this terrible decision by the university.
Back in July, Stanford broke the hearts of 240 student athletes that had honed their craft and built their leadership skills through thousands of collective hours on the mat, in the pool, on the fields, the water, and in the gym by cutting 11 Olympic sports, citing finances as a reason. The hours that these athletes have dedicated to their craft have helped shape the young adults they have become and they were recruited by Stanford without any indication that their program was under fire. Each of these athletes have unfinished goals and they were all of a sudden left wondering how to accomplish them. It’s not about the scholarship that they say will be honored, it’s about the experience of being a full fledged Division 1 college athlete in the sport that they have spent so much of their life training and falling in love with and that helped shape their identity ( and let’s not forget, in most cases they are 18-21, not 40) To be a Stanford athlete is an opportunity that each of them earned, and had the ability to take to other universities to continue their training and grow their skills as leaders, something that will not only benefit themselves but the world at large, once their days on the court are finished. I’m sure the majority of them would have made a different school choice if they had been alerted to the danger that was lurking for their program. The dedication that it took for them to get to this level required greater sacrifice and focus to achieve their goal of not just becoming a college athlete, but becoming a Stanford athlete. For Luke, that was the dream since attending his first Stanford football game when he was 8 years old, watching Andrew Luck and playing catch with Coach Harbaugh’s wife at the pregame tailgate. And although he is a die hard Stanford, Fantasy Football, and Colt’s fan to this day, his dream of wearing a Stanford jersey didn’t come with pads and cleats, and as mom, I’m thankful that his body and mind will be better off because of that. Sports, as an athletic experience or as a spectator, has the ability to shape and change our lives, and an institution like Stanford, with the breadth of knowledge it has on campus and in the world can do better.
Olympic memories go back in my mind to 1984, to Mary Lou Retton’s perfect 10 in the all around at the Los Angeles Games and continue through Janet Evans in 1992, Missy Franklin and Michael Phelps crushing the medal stands, Dara Torres defying age in her fifth Olympics in 2008 and Kerri & Misty’s runs in 2004, 2008 & 2012. Although each of these athletes have made money through their sports, mostly through endorsements, there are hundreds more unsung heroes who despite great financial hardship, have the dedication to make it to the Olympics and provide us as the public with memories that inspire us through our own lives (think Cool Runnings and the Jamaican bobsled team). None of these sports are money makers for collegiate athletics. If the focus of college sports becomes solely about making a profit, or capitalizing on the athletes that have the potential to sign multi million dollar deals after their collegiate careers, we all lose.
After months of being stonewalled by Stanford, even with an impressive list of alumni working hard to raise funds to endow their own programs, the University has been unwilling to budge. The fight isn’t over yet, because as alumni, parents, and athletes, we will fight for the what is best for these athletes, the public at large, and what Stanford can’t see clearly for itself right now. It’s time to put the passion back into college sports and take the price tag off the commitment that Stanford made to these 240 athletes, because something that life has taught me thus far, is that nothing that is done for the almighty dollar alone, ever, in the end is worth it.
Here is some more information to keep up with the fight by United 11 (the parent group that was started to seek reinstatement) and 36 Strong (the alumni group helping to seek alternative funding solutions). There will be more to come in the next few months, I have no doubt. Honor their dreams and the commitment you made to them Stanford, these athletes deserve better.
Sports Illustrated - Inside The Growing Fight to Save Olympic College Sports
With love & so much optimism,
Wendy
And my song of the week is a classic and cheesy as it feels, I couldn’t get it out of my head;)
Life moves fast, and our choices create patterns…some of which we want to continue, some that if we are observant, we learn from and choose to change. There is nothing that inspires me more, and raises my vibration, than making choices that not only make my days brighter, but help put the next generation on their own path to greatness. It might sound like a lot of pressure, but it’s actually not, because what elevates our days, and helps elevate theirs, is to live, not hide from or try to control life. When we break through to the freedom of being real, surrender the need to control the narrative of life, and stop sweeping things under the rug. Under that rug is where all the low vibrations live and I have a visual that runs through my mind frequently of pulling it up off the ground and shaking it out…and the bad energy just dissipates. And that’s when we find our flow.
As our country has moved through some serious states of upheaval in the past year, I have watched, participated, and taken in the energy around me. Its crazy to realize how directly what goes on in our own kitchen’s influences the world. To put it simply, we have a responsibility to our connections, community, and the world to be people who raise instead of lower the vibration around us. If you are new to vibrational energy, let me explain a little further. Our world is made of energy, every atom vibrates with it, and on a human level, that includes not just our physical bodies, but our thoughts and emotions as well. Certain emotions are associated with certain vibrations. High vibrations are marked by contentment, happiness, optimism, kindness, love, joy, freedom….you get the idea, all the emotions that make life great. We feel low vibrations when we or the people around us embody the emotions of fear, shame, guilt, pessimism, jealousy, rage, powerlessness…you get the idea and I’m sure you’ve encountered the difference of how you feel when these emotions are within you or circling around you. If our vibration is high, we feel the repelling quality of low vibrations…and it works the other way around too. Some people won’t want to be around high vibrations if they are stuck in cycles of guilt, shame, or fear and work subconsciously to bring the high vibrations down.
What we learn is what we teach. All my life, I have been sensitive to the energy that I feel from other people. Learning how it affects my thoughts, emotions and the productivity of my day has been a major focus and lesson for me over the last five years. There was a time when I didn’t know how to recognize it, low vibrations would make me feel uncomfortable, sad, or like I had nothing to add to a situation, or even worse, that it was my job to fix. Unless you understand what’s going on vibrationally, you can get sucked into a sea of sadness and can’t understand you feel so low. These days, I know what to do, how to identify what I feel and set my boundaries accordingly.
Life happens, so much of it is not in our control, but it’s empowering to believe that even just our thoughts can create positive momentum around us. Vibration is a state of being. When we learn how to release fear, live in the present, and embrace forgiveness, there is no limit for how high we can go. Sometimes people get stuck in a low vibration that feels normal to them because fear, shame, and guilt have a hold of them. They have been living it for so long they don’t even know it. Vibrations that continue over time set up generational patterns and conditioning. And if low vibrations have taken hold, and even repeated themselves, as patterns in families have a tendency to do, we have to know how to release the lower vibrations for higher vibrations. This is where the investment comes in. In order to change the pattern, the generational vibration has to be strong, by at least one person, and that is what inspires me everyday and continues to help me live in a state of mindfulness, optimism, and even joy most of the time and see quickly if I am being tripped up by a lower vibrational force.
Here are a few fast ways to raise your vibrational energy when it’s low:
Take a walk barefooted in the soil - Grounding, as it is called, has been shown to anchor us and make us feel more stable and calm
Do a Yoga Flow - the breath to movement of yoga calms our nervous system and raises our vibration in a matter of minutes. Stick with it for 30 mins or an hour and add some heat and prepare for transformation.
Make a ‘Let it go list’. Read it out loud, then burn it and let it go. Surrender is always the first step to progress
Connection with a friend who has good vibes. We don’t always have to be on the giving end or give off false positivity. Sometimes its our turn to receive, trust that you will be there for your friends on the day that they need you and lean in.
Burn sage throughout your living space. When sage is burned it releases negative ions, which is linked to putting people in a positive mood. Works for me every time!
I’ll leave you with a quote that struck me this week:
"Children do not need answers from us as much as they need to see us model peace with not knowing.”
In the end, there is so much out of our control, but peace will leave us with a high vibration and improve life for ourselves and everyone around us. Through mindfulness we can control our thoughts, and with our thoughts we can raise our vibration. The most enlightened among us know that they don’t have all the answers, but they sure do seem to enjoy the process…and that’s what I aspire to learn and teach every single day.
With Love & Optimism,
Wendy
Missed seeing this girl in concert with Tim McGraw back in September…great voice & lyrics…can’t wait for live music to make it’s comeback!
I didn’t realize when I pulled out of my driveway last Saturday to take Luke to Stanford that the trip up I5 was going to be a tour of the last 25 years of my life. Given that I didn’t let it sink in until maybe 24 hours before that he was actually going to make it to campus, to an actual college dorm room, with a roommate, I certainly didn’t think about how I felt about getting him there. This hasn’t exactly been your typical college send off, so different than taking Lauren last year. The experience was a beautiful win all the way around though, from the conversation and excitement in the car, the 80’s music that Luke has on his Spotify, to the way my mind traveled down memory lane without any tears, because I felt such gratitude for the life that I have experienced, the things it has produced, the strength I have gained through the challenges, and for the anticipation of what is yet to come. So many exits along that vast expanse of California mean something to me. They are the experiences and relationships that make me who I am…connected and yet different than anyone else. I was born to grow and be transplanted in many different soils so I could learn to thrive in all of them…I wouldn’t trade country music, beach volleyball, or the opportunities all of these places have provided for my kids for any other path.
People often comment that the journey up I5 is boring, that vast, flat expanse of unpopulated land does tend to stretch on for awhile, but it takes me back to simpler times. Getting mountain bikes or trucks stuck in the sticky clay mud, kitchens where dinner was being prepared but the cook still had to haul water in from an outside well to fill the tank in the house, and wondering if cotton would be knee high by the 4th of July. No joke, that was 1997 for me, and just a short decade later, I had been to DC, London, and Paris, dined in some of the world’s finest restaurants, and brought four kids into the world. Life changes, but if we pay attention, the things we want to bring with us become part of our own soil - the dirt under our feet that grounds us.
Arriving at Stanford with Luke, I realized it had been 24 years to the month that we moved in to married student housing. It felt like some crazy figment of my imagination, I was 22 years old and six months out of college. In all these years, I never internalized any thought that I would have a child that went to school there. I can count the number of times I checked his grades online in high school on one hand, this journey is his own, just like mine has been. It’s not for lack of deep care, but for the belief that we are meant to expose and guide them, not attempt to control their path. I am of course so proud of where he arrived last Saturday, and although I’m sure he thinks he gets lots of mom advice from me, it’s his efforts that got him to this place. I can picture the moments of his volleyball career, the five set matches and game points where his back was up against the wall, that helped him achieve his dream of wearing a Stanford uniform. The optimist in me tells me those days are not over, as hard as Stanford is trying to make them be. The words run through my head daily:
“The path will appear.”
I’m blessed by so many amazing friendships that support and ground me, and help me connect my thoughts. After checking Luke into his dorm, Kate and I made our way to Santa Cruz and one of them. Another relationship born on that I5 corridor over 20 years ago. Sarah and I were the only two women our age working on the westside, because of course at that time, even women five years older seemed light years away from where we were, but even by that measure, there still weren’t many of us. Sarah flies planes, owns her own business, and bakes her own sourdough bread…she has serious skills in all arenas. Over the years we have been to Normandy, Prague, Paris, and London, and dined at Denny’s at 5am for the free birthday breakfast. Now eight kids between us that we have hauled from two year old preschool all the way to college, my circle was complete when Kate and I stopped at Cal Poly on the way home Sunday to take her oldest to lunch. The two little boys that used to count trucks on the freeway on the way to Miss Paige’s are in college. And sitting on that patio at Firestone Grill, on Sunday, it could have been 1995, when my favorite tri-tip sandwich restaurant first opened and I lived down the street, I didn’t feel as far away as I am from being the student instead of the mom buying lunch.
COVID life has brought me closer to phone conversations than I have been since I was 15. There is something about isolation that makes hearing people’s voices so much better than texting. So after we got home, I digested the contents of my weekend with another deep connection, my friend Chrissy, who is simply the most passionate, devoted, and talented human, mom, writer and friend, (Check out her amazing blog here) she put some brilliant words on my swirling nostalgic thoughts.
“Nostalgia is like a warm blanket you wrap yourself in for the journey ahead, instead of a place you long to return to.”
That was an instant yes for me…but it hasn’t always been that way. So I started thinking about what has helped me make that shift in my life, where I can see the beauty in the past, but not long for it and feel like the best days are behind me. Chrissy admitted it is something she struggles with as her beautiful boys get older, need her less, and time does its thing marching on. We have to tread gently on that spot when we realize that life, no matter how hard we try, doesn’t make Uturns. So what do we do to keep growing, evolving, and effect change for ourselves that pays forward to the next generation? Here are a few of my realizations:
Life doesn’t make ‘Uturns’, but we can choose to make ‘Youturns’. With age, we realize that the good things we do for ourselves pay in dividends to the people around us. It takes a healthy amount of self awareness, because I’m not talking about the “do what makes you happy” mentality that indulges our every whim, but the grounded wisdom of saying no to some things, that may even appear selfish to some people, to gain the time and peace we need to create the life and legacy that we want to leave. Those choices are always rooted in a process that values the journey over the destination and trusts that the little ways we invest in ourselves each day will create sustained energy for us and the world at large.
Be invigorated by the pursuit of longevity. I’m inspired to make choices to get the best quality and most years out of my life. That’s why sleep and recovery have become so important to me, and honoring lifelong relationships and building new ones that continue to be deep and connected. It’s refreshing and freeing to be in a place in life where exposing the real you comes naturally, and you have the confidence to let the chips fall where they may. No one wants to believe that their best days are behind them. I love finding ways to feel better…our bodies ask for a little more care and connection than they did when we were younger, but cultivating a deeper understanding for how they work, and how to maximize our days is invigorating, even if it means less happy hour and more CBD.
Believe wholeheartedly in the potential and expansiveness of what is to come and the incredible gift of what we accomplish can be for others. There is a shift that happens at midlife, it’s illustrated brilliantly in David Brooks’s book, The Second Mountain, where we see that true joy is an experience of connection and a deeper understanding of our values. When we get a firm grasp on this, the playing field of life expands, we have little need to control anything, and develop a deep confidence to follow our own path…even when it looks different than anyone else’s. In short, we get to embrace the art of not fitting in and be ok with it!
My life has been influenced by so many arrivals and departures along the I5 and 101 corridor. There isn’t a place in the world that has the unique beauty that this state holds. True success in life happens when you understand where your roots are planted, and have the ability to flourish even when a transplant occurs…and knowing that even though life doesn’t make ‘Uturns’, we can master the art of ‘Youturns’. Once again, I find myself grateful for the heavy clay that taught me what is important to hold on to, and the light and airy sand that has shown me how to let go.
Proud of you Luke Turner. You have strong roots too. Looking forward to seeing where you decide to grow from here.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Here’s my choice for song of the week…there were a few, I’ve spent a lot of time in cars and planes this last week listening!
I’ve been struggling on the volleyball court lately. Losing more than I win, seeing things that my body isn’t quick enough to react to, letting my mind wander to different areas of my life outside the court and realizing (with the help of some of the awesome people I play with) how hard I am on myself. It’s crazy how long it has taken me to absorb this realization. I mean seriously, I’m in the sunshine in January with my feet in the sand and getting my movement in, does anything else really matter? I’m 46 years old, and I’m finally recognizing this conditioning, to always expect more of myself, and then see how chasing that is something that zaps my energy instead of catalyzing it. I know that I am not alone in this boat. We all have our days, some of us more than others, that we are too hard on ourselves, expect more than we should, or set impossible standards instead of recognizing the good and then letting that grounding energy help bring amazing things to fruition in our lives. So the reframe for me lately is this - evolving is way better than aging. Evolving is so exciting it puts a little flutter in my stomach that feels like attraction on the deepest level…like falling in love with yourself and the process you get to invent when you fully embrace your story.
While I’m sure there are hundreds, maybe thousands of ways we can embrace our own evolution as we walk our paths, my meditations have been revealing things to me in fives. So here are five ways I have found to find flow and embrace evolution over aging.
Learn to recognize and work with your state - I have talked a lot about breath work and how to recognize the state of our nervous system. It is fundamental to understanding how we respond and perform in the world. Recognizing our state and learning how to operate and find balance between our sympathetic and parasympathetic response is huge. Having tools under our belts to respond when we are anxious and overwhelmed in sympathetic (fight or flight), or when we have dropped too deep into parasympathetic (rest & digest) state is key to maintaining our energy and to be able to learn and retain new information. This is true at any age, and I have learned so much by raising Matthew and watching him learn and come out of states of hyper vigilance to where he is open and trusting - and then he learns. He is no different than the rest of us and breath is the key. Next time you are feeling overwhelmed slow down and take a deep breath, in through your nose and then an extra long exhale to follow. Take a few if you need to and feel the reset wash over you. If you are feeling sluggish or even low grade depressed…which can look like procrastination or low to no motivation, try breath of fire, it will help bring you back into sympathetic balance.
Value sharing knowledge as a collective experience, not a competition. For all of the difficult things the news cycle is trying its best to overwhelm us with, there is so much good energy and wisdom being spread out there. Podcasts, books, audio books…these are lights that shine through the darkness and perspectives we wouldn’t have taken in if we didn’t have the humility to listen. I’m always amazed at the like minds and cool conversations that cross my path when my I share my interests about growth mindset and generational wisdom and health and wellness. Like attracts like, and as I continue to learn and share daily with these connections, without any feeling of comparison or judgement, it feels light and beautiful. We don’t have to have it all mapped out, we only need to have the awareness to acknowledge the next step and let our interests guide our way.
Shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset. I know that I lived a long time making decisions for what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to feel sad, I didn’t want to be judged by others. But living for what we don’t want pales in comparison to creating what we do! A scarcity mindset keeps our options limited and our circle small. When we shift to an abundance mindset we are free to create and show up in the world without feeling like we are taking away space from anyone else. It stops imposter syndrome in its tracks and helps us find gratitude for our uniqueness. Then we can see clearly to the places where we can show up for other people and also rest in the moments where people show up for us. It produces calm and free flowing energy that radiates through our days.
Allow yourself to be changed by others while setting boundaries for your healthy life. Evolving helps us see what information is helpful and what certain perspectives are meant to bring into our lives. Whether they are intelligence or counterintelligence, they show up for a reason. Sometimes they can even be a little bit of both. Understanding ourselves helps us not to feel so much conflict with what we don’t agree with or stubbornness if we feel the pull of being changed by another. We are here to learn and grow together, self awareness shows us where those connections exists and the confidence we gain by accepting ourselves completely allows us to set proper boundaries to create the life and connections that are meant for us.
Have confidence in what you have to offer, but understand that people have to be in the right place on their path to receive it. This one is huge and has been a pain point in my life more than once. Evolving means creating space for ourselves and others to grow, but understanding that information is taken in at different times, when we are ready, and that we are not always meant to deliver the message. It shows us that we are all at different points on our paths and that sometimes those journeys are coming together and other times they are divergent. The beauty for us is to know that if we stay true to ourselves, connection will always teach something, even if it is the lesson of learning to let go.
These days, my mind and heart are set on finding maximum flow in my life, and in that regard, I’m feeling much better than I have been in the sand lately. Life is full of ebbs and flows, usually I’m telling you about how the court teaches us about life…but maybe this week the flow I’m feeling in life will learn to follow me back to the court. Evolve, find your flow, and pass the good work on to the next generation. It’s the gift that will unite us.
With love & optimism,
Wendy
Some more real lyrics for you this week…love the honesty and loyalty in his words
Most days this time of year I click the light on in the morning and it’s usually still dark outside. I have thoughts and words running through my head and they wake me up, even though I’m not sure exactly how they will take shape when I start writing. Writing for me is like giving my brain a massage, it eases the tension in my always thinking mind, it’s part of my routine, and comforting on so many levels. In short, I’ve realized that me writing to you is therapy, and I’m always happy when it connects us or resonates with something going on in your life too.
It’s hit me hard multiple times this week how much life has changed in a year. A day in the life looks so much different than I thought it would right now, and that’s been the case for quite some time. Tensions are high out there, there is fear, stress, and high rates of burnout. As humans we want to connect, have spontaneity in our lives, and know that our actions matter, and, on some level, each of these things is evading us right now. Businesses are under pressure because sick or exposed customers can’t come in, employees are spread thin with so many people out sick, we can’t gather for a night out and a quick trip away from the madness is not an option…and I think somehow we just didn’t think it would all last this long. So I’m back to the drawing board to figure out my thoughts and focus on how can we make it better, for ourselves and for each other.
1.Turn off the news and call your friend. On my walk the other day, it occurred to me that there wasn’t one person without a phone…taking pictures, scrolling, listening to music, and yes, taking in too much of the dreaded 24 hour new cycle. If we are going to have these things embedded in our palms, we may as well use them to find connection. Reach out and show someone that you care about what happened in their day. Ask questions and sit back and listen. Long and deep conversations have been one of the greatest gifts of the past year.
2. Cultivate the energy you want to be around.
It’s hard to do that if we allow ourselves to be controlled by outside forces like the news or social media scrolling that makes us feel distracted, anxious, and negative. No matter how difficult things get out there, everything we need to succeed is already within us.
My focus these days is:
Imagine -> Decide -> Focus -> Fruition
All of that is within my control and it feels free. And freedom is energy.
Create a framework that works for you and focus your energy there.
3. Surrender to what is, it’s the difference between working against the grain and finding flow. Allow yourself to feel what you are fighting against, and then let it go. Right now, changing plans is just part of the process, it’s a great exercise in learning to stay present and flexible. Routine is tricky, it’s something that comforts us one moment, bores us the next, and then just when we think we have a great plan, it gets shut down by things we can’t control. If we have our health, we have what we need to keep moving, even if the way forward wasn’t what we anticipated.
My message is short and hopefully sweet enough for you this week. Don’t burnout. Keep taking care of yourself. Yes, we are locked into a lot of big responsibilities that feel heavy right now. But we’ll get through it with connection, good energy, and knowing when to surrender. We need to create boundaries for ourselves that will keep us undivided. When we stand strong in who we are, we are more equipped to connect with others. We were never meant to go it alone, so if you are feeling lonely reach out. I get it, but know we’ve got this. We’re rounding a corner, I can feel it. A day in this life is what you make it, and there are too many people this year who didn’t get another chance at another day to take one second of sunshine for granted.
And the much anticipated song of the week was as even better than I thought it would be, it really is this simple. Undivided, This one is an instant classic.
I was a Morning in America child of the 80’s. I grew up listening to the news and writing letters to the editor. Today, I read the paper in the morning because I want a glance at what is relevant, but unless a major news alert pops up on my phone, the TV is hardly ever on at my house. Podcasts deliver so much more optimism than the news these days. But there is a problem if we choose not to inform ourselves, because the opposite of empathy is apathy. And a democracy is only as strong as its informed citizens. We need leaders who want to serve, and have empathy for what morning in America feels like right now. We are due for an awakening.
After I finished this amazing talk on Generational Consciousness with Jeri Reeder last Wednesday, my news alerts were buzzing, so I cautiously flipped on the TV. What I saw squeezed my American heart so tight. As my friend Chrissy put it, what I saw at the Capitol was the opposite of evolution, and it sure wasn’t any kind of awakening. And that’s when I picked up my phone and posted this video that resonated with some and upset others, which seems to be standard when you speak your mind about something these days. Some think that when we show emotion, it’s an untethered moment, but for me it was a deep connection to who I am and what I believe. I’m finally comfortable enough with myself and the camera to talk to you guys, instead of just write to you about what I think. When I started out, even writing felt scary, telling you what I thought and felt was intimidating and I just knew someone was judging me…”she needs attention, why doesn’t she just go talk to a friend”…and I cared. But I knew I wanted a record of my thoughts for my kids, I needed to unwind my monkey mind, and hoped to help others in the process, so I pressed on. Imposter syndrome and fear of what you thought of me loomed large. With video, I fought my demons that whispered you have to know everything (as if that’s even possible) to say anything, and you better look good and like your voice before you share a post. I had to learn to recognize and wrestle with self sabotage and give it a name, but that is all part of awakening and what keeps my bare feet on the path of growth. I remind myself often that a life lived with good intention, and what we learn from it, can’t be wrong unless we stop trying. Every day is an opportunity to learn and correct course if the need arises. So I press on, and know my intention is to spread light and inspire other real voices to know and share their own stories, so that we can connect, release shame, and set an example for the next generation… and now that camera doesn’t phase me anymore. I can check that one off my list;)
It feels rough out there right now. This week we have seen a nation in fight or flight. For so many reasons, we don’t feel safe, we do feel isolated, and we’ve seen the worst in humanity magnified in a 24 hour news cycle. We’ve retreated to our corners, pointed fingers and want to have something to blame to make sense of it all, or know that we are right, as if somehow that is going to help us find the safety that we are craving. And while I have opinions and deep disappointments, I feel the calming difference between awakening and activism, so while I don’t have all the answers for the vexing issues and deep divide in our country right now, I know that awakened citizens make better activists. Awakening starts with understanding our state and our story, and helps us move away from dualistic thinking. It allows us to hold space for divergent ideas and not jump to extreme conclusions quickly. It helps us find trust and compassion in our common humanity and pray for each other no matter what our beliefs. It helps us to know that our story isn’t the only story, and teaches us to seek connection instead of comparison when we speak. Awakening helps us see our own conditioning, how we have come to stand in the place we are today, and why we think what we think. Values are stronger tenants for living if we know how we arrived at them. And one thing I know for sure, radical thinking isn’t awakened, it’s fear based, and it sells.
Many people asked when I felt hurt by what went on at the Capitol if I was just as outraged at the riots and looting over the summer, and the short answer is yes. I don’t believe in violence as a means of social justice ever, and I know that in a crowd of many, the extremists will move to the front and find their ten seconds of fame on camera, but that doesn’t change the fact that the damage done at the Capitol was heartbreaking to see. The reason I spoke out on Wednesday was because patriotism and love for this country and it’s institutions are things that run deep in my DNA, even if I am disappointed in corrupted power structures and ego driven leaders. My story includes honorable and decent people who taught me about leadership and civic responsibility that looked nothing like what I see today. We have deep problems in our system from government, to corporate America, to the rise of technology that is outpacing our brains and hijacks our emotions on a daily basis, so what I know to do at this point is work to find presence in a chaotic world.
Here are some ideas, all of which you have heard from me before,
Embrace Solitude: Take a phone break, turn off the TV, stop scrolling and find a quiet corner of the house or take a walk by yourself. Our minds and nervous systems need silence to move us away from fight or flight.
Breathe to Find Presence: Nasal breathing is a game changer. Just four rounds of four second box breathing will activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Inhale four seconds, pause at the top four seconds, exhale four seconds, pause at the bottom four seconds. Or simply take 10 deep breathes, letting your exhale be longer than your inhale. Next time you are feeling stressed by what the world has to offer, stop and breathe.
Move - All of my life I have had a form of play and I don’t know what I’d do without it. For decades, it’s been my go to for stress relief. Whether it’s been running, pilates, swimming, volleyball, or yoga I am always mentally and physically better off than when I started. Find something you like to do and make time for it, it does wonders for completing the stress cycle.
4.Get Adequate Sleep - Ironically, one of the keys to ‘awakening’ is to get enough sleep. When we don’t, our mental abilities and emotional state are negatively affected and we find it more difficult to handle and complete the stress response in our bodies, leaving us irritable and with a weakened immune systems…something we especially don’t need these days.
5. Eat Clean & Hydrate - I’m doing a January cleanse. It’s all about repairing the Gut/Brain connection and flushing the toxins from our body. It helps me sleep better, reduces brain fog, and reduces inflammation. It also helps drop a few pounds. Everything works better and our cells can communicate more efficiently when we eat clean and are hydrated. If you are feeling like you need help in the nutritional arena or want more information let me know!
It’s not about getting all of these things right everyday, we can find grace and progress in the same moment. With so much out of our control and with every new day that still feels raw and unknown, we are better equipped to handle it if we know how to take care of ourselves. Awakening is about finding the presence to live in a world of opposing issues and understand our values at the same time, so we know how to be conscious activists for the issues that mean the most to us. And those issues don’t have to be the same or compared to each other to matter. Morning in America still happens everyday, what does your routine look like? Let’s find ideas we can connect on, and sit down and figure out how to build bridges to talk calmly about the rest. Maybe we the people can show the ‘leaders’ what to do.
I really wish that Tim McGraw’s & Tyler Hubbard’s new song, Undivided, was out to put on this blog…gotta wait until Wednesday. But the lyrics in this song are still speaking to me:)
With love & optimism,
Wendy
While we can all look back and say that 2020 was a year we are happy to see go, it was also the year that taught us about how important human connection is to health and thriving. Technology came through for us in a big way (man, I wish I owned a bunch of Zoom stock pre pandemic) and the simple things like fresh air and long walks became the celebrations, which is probably the way it always should have been. As it always seems to be, challenge teaches us a lot if we choose to reflect, so, here are my hopes for a new normal because I know that there is health and healing ahead for all of us if we choose to invite it.
Come Back Kinder - As much as I want kids to be back learning in the classroom, I have to admit there has been a certain lightness for me as a mom not having to think about “the mean kids”. I have always said that there is no amount you could pay me to return to junior high, and when Matthew started, I hated thinking about the kids who don’t get him. I’ve seen it firsthand throughout his school days, kids can be terribly mean when they see something that looks or processes different than what they are used to, and in so many ways he has thrived at home away from what can be an overwhelming, fight or flight scene at school. My hope is that kids will all have missed socializing together so much, they will look to make friends, and everyone will be met with kindness and connection when they finally get to return. Praying hard for this one. Feel free to join in with me on this prayer:)
Keep growing - I listen to podcasts, read articles and books, and talk with people to expose myself to new thoughts and hear perspectives other than my own. It’s not because I don’t know myself, or lack confidence in what I think, but because this exposure broadens my horizons. Learning is one of the greatest keys to longevity in this life. We are never too old to learn something new and the greatest barrier I have seen to embracing new concepts and ideas, is thinking that other people have more to learn than we do. It’s not a competition, or a scale, but staying set in your ways without investigating new ideas is a fast way to shrink your world and your connection with it. I hope that we can carve out the time to take in new knowledge and perspective no matter what challenges we are facing. Knowledge connects us and helps us find compassion for the experience of others. In the end, it’s a choice.
Get organized - This podcast with James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, is great for the New Year and the quote I loved out of it most was this one:
“ You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Simple genius is my favorite and this one rang loud and clear for me. In any new year, we have an “out with the old, in with the new” mentality. Most of us spend some time organizing and planning for what we want to accomplish. Do you have systems? Healthy life design? How we do the small things is how we do the big things. Where do you want to start? Need help? Let me know:)
Do Power Differently - It starts with ourselves, how we view power and how we claim it. Power as we traditionally think of it in America has been abused and corrupted so much that the word has a negative vibe. I’ve said many times this year, the power structures are broken. Thoughts of trying to fix the structures often overwhelm me and I have to retrace my steps and bring it back down to myself, my thoughts, and my actions. Even my family structure challenges me, without a partner, I feel the weight of power…and the fear of claiming it sometimes. Single parenting is hard, there is no one to back you up. I have a value system I want to teach and uphold and it takes power to convey a message. I’ve learned to stay the course and have the tough conversations because real power is connection, not domination. We all have a purpose, a light that should shine in this world, that doesn’t take away from anyone else and their own light. Imagine if we all claimed our true and authentic power, not to oppress or project on others, or prove that we are right, but to be bold enough to stand in our truth and have the confidence to listen as others do the same. We would create opportunities for ourselves and for others at the same time and we could lift each other up - away from self doubt and gaslighting one another to prove our own truth, and into a place of safety to tell our own story. This is real power, and what I most want to see in leaders today…and we are the leaders.
2020 taught us that gratitude for a roof over our head, food in the fridge, and someone to hug and talk to are among our greatest earthly gifts. How will you honor those gifts in your own life this year? Or offer a hand to someone who struggles to find any of vital needs? How can we be better for ourselves so we can be more helpful to others?
If you are a reader and connector with my words, you can help me. This blog started as an expression for myself, and a place to give insight to my kids when they are old enough to be curious about what their mom was thinking way back when. I have been in the business of growing myself and others for a long time, but 2021 is the year to make it official. I’d be honored if you would share my words or If you or anyone you love needs coaching to find greater calm and connection and better life design to raise your vibration, find deeper health, or more flow in life, I am ready to help. I would love to hear about some of your hopes for 2021! Here’s is to a prosperous 2021, with strong backs that can carry and protect, and soft hearts that are ready to listen and receive.
Here’s my pick for song of the week - it’s a older one - but the lyrics are genius and always put a lump in my throat.
