As I watched Matthew drag his board and his long, lanky, self out of the water this morning after a shoeless hike down the cliff and an hour and a half of surfing, I realized that I still have a lot of toughness training to do, to teach him to feed himself with the right things to be both tough enough and more loving on himself, to learn to be a critic so he can see where he needs to grow, and also be his own greatest admirer. I’m still squarely in the parenting arena to teach conservative early…and grateful this Thanksgiving week that I get to experience the taste of liberal late, and optimism always. Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy your families…whether in person or in this crazy virtual experience we are all living, we are connected by our stories, and in the end, they are more alike than different.
I’ve said before in my writing that what we learn in black and white when we are younger helps us process the shades of gray that are inevitable as life goes on. I have been reading Greenlights, the new memoir by Matthew McConaughey this week and I came across a page titled “Conservative early, Liberal late.” This page, having nothing to do with politics, was full of quotable wisdom. I highly recommend you go out and get this book, read it, and then give it to someone younger than you for Christmas. But I’m still going to share a few of these golden nuggets with you in case you don’t.
“Create Structure so you can have freedom.”
“Map your direction so you can swerve in the lanes."
“Creativity needs borders. Individuality needs resistance. The earth needs gravity. Without them there is no form. No art. Only chaos.”
Yes! These are the things that are at the heart of the black and white that I was getting at in my own quote. The foundation of a happy life is built on discipline, planning, and consistency and only then can we reap sustainable rewards of spontaneity, freedom, and the ability to carve our own unique path. I often find that the things I think about show up in other people’s stories. I used to sabotage myself with the “it’s already been said, it’s already been done” mentality, until I started to see the beauty of how the hero's journey plays out on a thousand different stages with many characters and settings…but the themes stay true to the human experience.
This Thanksgiving week, my mind is focused on the incredible power of gratitude to change our perspective and mood on just about anything. This year has been incredibly challenging on a physical, mental, and emotional front for everyone. I’ve written a lot lately about mental health, especially for our younger generations, in the wake of COVID19. The times are showing us that we need to dig a little deeper and not be frail in the face of the adversity we face. The question I find myself asking at this point is have we had the training? Do we know how to find our footing? Did we get enough conservative early to earn our liberal late? Toughness is a concept that needs to be modeled, it’s not something that can be preached without action, and in modern day life, with all its bells and whistles, and in California culture, it is easier said that done. Everything, at any age, is relative. If we haven’t been forged by the fire thus far, and then 2020 smacks us in the face, how do we ground ourselves enough to stay present and push through? Although we need to meet people where they are today, we also need to communicate and model the strength and resilience that is built into being human that only gets sharpened when the going gets tough…that sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to do, and we have to be challenged to understand that we are indeed strong enough to handle it. No one I know is doing that better than Joe…keep inspiring us and getting better, your strength, attitude, toughness and faith are the model of toughness.
2020 has taught me to dig a little deeper and know with even greater certainty that it does take an abundance of presence and pressure (combined with grace) to move goals closer to fruition. I’ve learned to appreciate the beauty of being a “late bloomer”, because I’ve taken my time to learn the truths about myself and the way I see the world in a deep and connected way. At 45, I feel better than when I was 30, because my memory is sharp and my mind, body, and spirit are healthy. I understand how I function, almost down to a cellular level. I’ve been motivated by love to learn about these things, first because I wanted to help Matthew’s cells learn to communicate better, and now because I want to last 105 years to be able to do all the things I want to do and watch the people I love get to do their things too.
As I watched Matthew drag his board and his long, lanky, self out of the water this morning after a shoeless hike down the cliff and an hour and a half of surfing, I realized that I still have a lot of toughness training to do, to teach him to feed himself with the right things to be both tough enough and more loving on himself, to learn to be a critic so he can see where he needs to grow, and also be his own greatest admirer. I’m still squarely in the parenting arena to teach conservative early…and grateful this Thanksgiving week that I get to experience the taste of liberal late, and optimism always. Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy your families…whether in person or in this crazy virtual experience we are all living, we are connected by our stories, and in the end, they are more alike than different.
* This is the song that came to mind as I wrote this blog…one of these days, I’ll bring something that’s not country, but it may be awhile:)
