It’s typical in the human experience to seek what we know. Traditions, habits and patterns are part of a successful journey and, when we pick good ones, they set us up for success. But as this imperfect life would have it, we can also be prone to seek out patterns that, although might be comfortable, aren’t setting us up for our best life. Usually, intuition is there to help us know the difference, if we have the strength to trust it when it speaks. Luckily, I was smart enough this time to listen to my intuition, at an incredibly chaotic time in life, to take a drive up the coast to visit some of those voices and faces that keep me grounded on my path.
The Taylor family has welcomed me with open arms since I was 16 years old and for that I could not be more blessed or grateful. Last night, I parked my car in front of my friend Elizabeth’s house and walked in the gate. As I made my way down the path toward the front door, listening to the sound of the ocean, I could have been 17 again, being dropped off by my mom for a week at the beach with my friend and her family. Same house, different kind of freedom than that summer when Agassi won his first US Open title…the memories flood my mind. I’ve been coming to this beach for over 25 years, as a teenager, college student, with babies strapped to my front and back, married with kids and divorced on my own.
This time, the memories of Elizabeth’s mom Nancy, one of the most fiercely loving and wise women I’ve ever known, (and who is undoubtably making the sun shine on us today) has moved on to eternity. She is keeping the good bumps on my arms and a few good tears flowing the last few weeks. It’s hard to beat a woman who can cook, teach, and tell stories with wisdom woven through them at the same time. These are the matriarchs that shape our world in the most special ways. I’m sure that the ripple effect of their dinner tables are what the world is surviving on today…Nancy was one of these and has the family to prove it.
Life is constantly changing, and we have to be adaptable to make the adjustments that keep us healthy and free. The circumstances are not always as we would draw them for our perfect picture. They certainly weren’t for Nancy, but I never saw her for a moment when she wasn’t living life to it’s fullest. Independent, strong and yet gentle enough to care for anyone in her path (and she has thousands of students and friends who would attest to that). She held the keys to her own happiness and taught others that same beautiful lesson throughout her entire life. You can see it in the faces of the people she loved most. The lessons and actions just flow as if she were standing in the room still teaching them.
Life gives us people who return our feet to the grounding paths and have a way of gently leading us, whether we are physically with them or not.
I’m so thankful today for those people and places that live in my heart that I can go back to time and again and lead all the way to eternity. Love you Nancy, thank you for this beautiful family that I get to go hang out with until the sun goes down:)
Almost every time I descend the grapevine on the valley side I start to cry. I think there are many reasons for this; maybe a sense of loss, maybe because I see so much wide open space it overwhelms me, maybe out of a sense of wondering where I belong. For the most part, I’m able to let the tears fall and move on, but when it happened on Tuesday as I was driving to Exeter to Lauren’s volleyball game it really got me thinking. I’ve been a part of so many communities by this point in my life…so many different ways of thinking, value systems, and community involvement on different levels. Sometimes there were activities that resonated with my soul and others that I felt I had an obligation to fulfill.
I believe so much in giving back, but have learned, that we each have our own way to do it. When we find the way that is right for us, we are able to give infinitely more. We find the flow in giving and nothing could be better for our spirit or the world.
My thoughts then went to the idea that communities get set in their ways. We think that we see it all, when really what we see is our tiny space in this big world, and our perspective is one of millions. We think we know the way things should be done, who certain people, or even groups of people are, and we allow certain circles in each community to be the ones that get things done…and the hierarchy forms. It’s the classic alpha/beta scenario in some ways, which isn’t something I am trying to argue against, but we do have a choice as to how we play our role in that timeless system.
What I realize today is that we choose who we are. We can choose to let that be dictated by our circumstances, positive or negative, or we can develop the constructs of self love, discipline and confidence that can transcend both our highest and lowest experiences, allowing us to balance it all out and become the best versions of ourselves. To be honest, I’ve never felt like I belonged in the hierarchy in any of these communities where I have lived. I’ve felt welcomed enough, but there was something in me, that kept me from feeling like an insider. The other thing I know now, is that I feel most comfortable in my own skin when I am bridging the gap between people who I understand, but may not understand each other. Maybe that’s what has given me the ability to have such diverse experience in life; growing up in political life, living far out in the country…rural America so to speak, experiencing financial success in business and then running in the circles that come with that, faith based communities that helped solidify my values and taught me about grace and mercy, and beach life and the athletic experiences that come with living in the training grounds for a sport that I love. There are so many differing points of view and a lot of perspective in all of these life experiences. What I want to do with all of this vision, generational teaching and storytelling is bring people together, to see perspectives that they may not have had the chance to see, in hopes that they might discover there is nothing to be threatened by. There is not one right path or one right answer. When we lead with good intention, hard work and kindness, everyone learns and broadens their perspective and we are all so much better off trying to connect the bigger picture than trying to protect our own little piece of the pie.
I was blessed to spend the weekend with a pack of kind, loving and fiercely strong females. We shared the court almost 30 years ago. It doesn’t seem possible that it’s been that long. Back then, we were all going through awkward teenage years, afraid or uncomfortable about small and big things, by who we were, and who we were going to become.
It turns out we had nothing to worry about.
The irony of that goes even further because we have each dealt with some things that our teenage brains couldn’t have even contemplated back then. As each story was told, in different conversations, over music and dancing, college football and amazing home cooked dinners, I couldn’t help but think, I never thought it would turn out like this…and yet this is some pretty amazing stuff. Collectively, we have weathered storms that brought more than a few tears to our eyes, impacted our kids (nothing worse, and yet we will work the way we always do to make them wiser and stronger for it) and made us come to terms with some of the most formative relationships in life. We have learned some of the hardest lessons about love and lose that this lifetime will ever teach. You could easily say that we have each been given more than one chance to test our resilience, and yet here we all are, pushing past and through, stronger and happier together that I could have ever imagined.
Either no one told us back then, or, because real life experience was determined to give us the tools just as they were necessary, and show us one day at a time, that everything is going to be ok, even when the life event isn’t, we had to learn some things the hard way. We’ve learned to cut through the awkwardness of introversion, learned how difficult it is for so many of us to ask for help, we’ve let go of judgment, shame and other peoples expectations, so we could show up this weekend as the real deal and be able to come together as if no time had passed at all. If we can pass that on to our girls, we are winning. Through our experience we have learned both what we do and don’t want out of life and, from what I saw, we are killing it when it comes to seeking the real experiences that make up a full life. Sometimes we learn by examples that show us what we want to do and how we want to be, other times, our experiences teach us the exact opposite. We all are observant enough to know the difference. To be ourselves, to be comfortable in our skin, to not have seen each other in so long and come barreling in real and raw is a testament to who we have become, and we’re not even close to done.
Now…who was it that mentioned the screenplay?? I’m in, we have a great story.
