fbpx
LoginSHOPshop

Homeward

A mouse ran across the top of the TV set and neither of us even moved.  They were irrigating the field behind our house outside of Firebaugh, a farm town on the westside of the San Joaquin Valley that many have never heard of.  Every time they irrigated, the mice made a bee line straight […]
By
Wendy Jones
July 18, 2018

A mouse ran across the top of the TV set and neither of us even moved.  They were irrigating the field behind our house outside of Firebaugh, a farm town on the westside of the San Joaquin Valley that many have never heard of.  Every time they irrigated, the mice made a bee line straight inside.  Not sure that it’s something you are supposed to get used to, but we had.  That night my sleep was disrupted when the crop duster barreled down on the field behind our house, looking like it was going to fly straight into the bedroom window, as the cotton was sprayed in the dark, avoiding the heat of the day.  When I awoke again the next  morning though,  the hydrangea that I had purchased at a silent auction we had attended in a cantaloupe shed was on the porch, I had a flag flying, and an oven that would bake cookies…and I was content. 

Time passed, and we wanted civilization.  We missed restaurants and going to the gym, so we moved 40 minutes east into town.  We bought the big house in the tract on the river and couldn’t afford the furniture to fill every room.  We made friends, pinched pennies, bought dogs, ate too much pizza, and Lauren was born. My favorite room was the balcony… and again, I was content. 

Then we decided that the house was too big, and I wanted to stay home and raise kids, so we moved again. The house was smaller, it had a pool though, and we painted rooms ourselves, and had Luke. Friends gave us a recycled play set, we made more friends and invited them over.  My favorite room was back to the patio…and I was content. 

Property values rose, and we made some money selling our little house and found an adobe ranch style with a bigger pool and bedrooms, so we moved again. Kate was born. We bought a new play set, re-landscaped the backyard, went to dinner with friends and sat on the new patio…and I was content. 

Then, way above average financial success happened, and my dream house was up for sale.  It was house that my dad had almost bought when I was twelve and that I had cried when he didn’t. It was my happily ever after house.  Matthew was on the way and we moved into the beautifully landscaped estate, complete with pool and guest house, beautiful blond hardwood floors and spacious rooms. My favorite room was still the patio, and I sat on it every morning, organizing my thoughts and feeling the pull of the simple life that I desperately wanted, that gave me contentment, but that seemed to be slipping away.  

Was it the chaos of having four kids under seven? That had to be it I told myself.  As I worked harder to achieve that simple life I so desired, my optimism was slipping away.  We seemed to need more trips, more plans, more of anything but the mundane, but in my heart, what I wanted was to take care of my kids, exercise, sit on my patio, write next to the garden of hydrangeas, and chat in the evening. That "boring" life was escaping me. 

Seven years passed and in part, because of that tension that I didn’t know how to identify then, we moved hours away and relocated full time to a walk street, ocean view in Hermosa Beach…great neighbors, beach access, tons of friends to come visit and amazing opportunities for the kids. My favorite room was the balcony, I tried to rise early and seek peace that I could tuck away and use over the course of emotionally tumultuous days. Sometimes it worked and by the end it didn’t.  I wanted to be content, but that feeling was gone. 

What I know today, is that a house doesn’t make a home, the people inside it do.  Memories are made through experiences, possessions don’t hold our memories, our hearts and minds do.  My peace and contentment come through gratitude for my health, ability to put a roof over our heads, food on the table and relationships with people who get me.  I am beyond grateful that I have all of these things today. Some would say that through all of these moves we were chasing happiness.  I choose for my lesson to be that the state of my heart will reflect the state of my home, no matter where it is, and my heart is content once again with the little things…and the big things, and maybe another hydrangea, will come out of that. 

 

1 2 3 13
hello world!
About the author:
Wendy Jones is a mother of four, lifelong athlete, writer, and optimism & resilience coach and speaker. Through 20 years of parenting and relationship struggles, she believes that vulnerability and our willingness to share our stories is a way to heal ourselves

Related Posts:

What Is Generational Healing?

March 19, 2023 I don’t remember the exact date, but it was a Friday afternoon in 2014.  Clear blue skies, volleyball practice had been canceled for some reason I can’t remember, and our family was on the beach. There were four kids running around in the sand with nowhere else to be.  I remember thinking […]
Read More

One Generation Away

“Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.” - Ronald Reagan As a kid, 4th of July was my favorite holiday next to Christmas.   Staying in my bathing suit all day, feet burning on hot pavement, and popsicles and fireworks in the street are among my favorite childhood memories.  This holiday weekend […]
Read More

The Real Sisterhood

"What if the world was already good? What if what you seek, you find? What if everything wasn’t an emergency? What if we cared more about stories and less about labels? What if we stopped shouting so we could listen?" -Chrissy Kelly greatest mom, friend and writer Her words put a lump in my throat.  […]
Read More

How To Inspire BETTER

I saw Top Gun this week. It’s so weird to see the actors of my youth get older. Like so many of us, it took me back to 1986,  getting dropped off at the movie theater at least 3 different times to see it. Although I loved the story and cinematography, what struck me most […]
Read More

The Top 10 Things I Want my 17 Year old to Know.

Kate turned 17 on Thursday. For anyone who hasn't followed her story, she's the one who stopped playing volleyball to be a theatre kid. And man does she blow my mind on that stage. It's so fun to see her risk, I would have been terrified of that at her age. Maybe she is, but […]
Read More

Is Competing Actually Keeping You from Success?

As a writer, I am thankful that I have a good memory of my early life.  So many of my thoughts take me back to places and days from long ago.  When I am able to feel those feelings of the younger me, it gives me perspective for what I’ve learned and fills me with […]
Read More

My America

Our country is hurting. As much as I am an optimist who looks for the good and the growth in all things, you can’t have a week like this one and not feel like you have been kicked hard in the gut. When you attack anyone’s child, the horrific trauma of an unimaginable situation knocks […]
Read More

Alchemy Over Strategy

I usually don’t have the title of  a blog when I sit down to write, generally speaking it comes last.  But I have leaned into something new that has given me so much peace in the hardest moments of transition  that I knew it was time to write about it.  I’ve been working with Emily […]
Read More

Everyone Needs a Song

Hi.  I’m Wendy.  Even though I’ve written over 200 blogs, you don’t really know me.  I show you glimpses of me in my writing, if you have seen it.  But even though I write openly about my life, you don’t know everything; I suppose that’s how it should be.  I worry about exposing too much. But […]
Read More

Circa 1994

I had the chance to revisit my 19 year old mind this week with a reconnection that happened because of this crazy social media world. I have journals, but the chance  to look back on a letter I wrote to someone else about life in that season, my sophomore year of college, was even more […]
Read More

What Makes A Great Athlete?

Every athlete I know, including myself, has always wanted to BE BETTER.  My mission and this concept can sound a little brash to some but it’s not meant to be harsh, or make anyone feel like they aren’t measuring up. The goal is to put the emphasis on BE (instead of do) so that we […]
Read More

New Beginnings

People care, or they are curious, or both:) When people ask me what happened to my ankle, I tell them I had ankle surgery. “Wendy, you need to start saying I had an ankle reconstruction.” said my amazing PT.  “I did?” I said.  Well, suddenly it made a lot of sense. Both because of the […]
Read More
1 2 3 18
crossmenu
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram